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A bulked-up and dumbed-down 3-D screen version of the Old English epic that is aimed at the shiver-me and scare-me crowd.
by Frederic and Mary Ann Brussat | November 15, 2007
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Beowulf

Directed by Robert Zemeckis
Paramount Pictures
PG-13 - intense sequences of violence, including disturbing images, some sexual material, and nudity.

This bulked-up and dumbed-down 3-D screen version of the Old English epic is aimed at the shiver-me and scare-me crowd. Director Robert Zemeckis fared better using the same type of animation in "The Polar Express."

Muscle-bound Beowulf (Ray Winstone) sails into the Danish kingdom led by King Hrothgar (Anthony Hopkins). He has come to kill the monster Grendel (Crispin Glover) who has slaughtered and even gobbled the heads of many of the King's warriors. He awaits his target in the great drinking hall where the people used to gather for evenings of carousing. Grendel, it turns out, is a party pooper egged on by his mother (Angelina Jolie), a water demon.

Beowulf struts around telling others of his great accomplishments until Unferth (John Malkovich) dares to contradict him. No matter, the King believes in him, and Beowulf comes through, wrestling nude with the evil one, ripping off his arm, and sending him home to his cave dying. Later, the King commits suicide, and his Queen (Robin Wright Penn) marries Beowulf who takes over the kingdom. But the water demon has a few tricks in her magical bag to get what she wants from Beowulf as a form of revenge. The only message here is that women are evil (especially when they look like Angelina Jolie). This tedious story leaves us with the hero whining, "The demon made me do it!"

Reviewed by Frederic and Mary Ann Brussat
Rating: 1/5
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Comments (1-8 of 8 posts) | Reply
shewantsrevenge
shewantsrevenge writes:
on Nov 15 2007 06:00 PM

You rock, and I couldn't agree with you more.

(Reply to this)
SkiDay
SkiDay writes:
on Nov 16 2007 09:01 AM

Man, when you two (Fredric and Mary Ann) miss the point, you really miss the point. The message of the movie isn't that "women are evil". Grendel's "m

(Reply to this)
pupsdaddy
pupsdaddy writes:
on Nov 16 2007 07:31 PM

Women are evil? What?

The points that I got from the movie are [1] pride and bragging will be your demise [2] water demons are evil, even if they can look like Angelina Jolie and most of all [3] if a guy is really keen on getting you to stop praying to Odin and accept Christ, he's probably a hypocrite who mistreats his slave


(Reply to this)
ramalara
ramalara writes:
on Nov 17 2007 04:21 PM

I thought "Beowulf" was a story intended for the "shiver-me and scare-me crowd". Epic poems weren't necessarily intended for English majors and snooty film critics.

(Reply to this)
penitentman
penitentman writes:
on Nov 19 2007 03:46 PM

Apparently this movie plot was too complex for your senile minds.. i dont think you should be writing movie reviews if you cant handle a simple story about greed. No offense.. ob and btw it'd be nice if you warn people about spoilers..

(Reply to this)
Konstantine1
Konstantine1 writes:
on Nov 24 2007 10:17 AM

It was aimed at that kind of crowed, why do you write that as if it were a setback. I found it all around entertaining.

(Reply to this)
Pendergast
Pendergast writes:
on Nov 30 2007 01:27 PM

Due to the fact that Beowulf is one of my favorite pieces of literature I was hesitant to watch it. Although I agree that it is not the greatest cinematic experience of our time, I do feel that you somewhat missed the mark with this review. The sole purpose of a critic is to provide an objective review. Not only did you fell to do so, you also ruined the movie for others by disclosing key points of the story. I found this review extremely disappointing.

(Reply to this)
slick nik
slick nik writes:
on Dec 11 2007 08:03 PM



(Reply to this)
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