Beowulf Directed by Robert Zemeckis Paramount Pictures PG-13 - intense sequences of violence, including disturbing images, some sexual material, and nudity. This bulked-up and dumbed-down 3-D screen version of the Old English epic is aimed at the shiver-me and scare-me crowd. Director Robert Zemeckis fared better using the same type of animation in "The Polar Express." Muscle-bound Beowulf (Ray Winstone) sails into the Danish kingdom led by King Hrothgar (Anthony Hopkins). He has come to kill the monster Grendel (Crispin Glover) who has slaughtered and even gobbled the heads of many of the King's warriors. He awaits his target in the great drinking hall where the people used to gather for evenings of carousing. Grendel, it turns out, is a party pooper egged on by his mother (Angelina Jolie), a water demon. Beowulf struts around telling others of his great accomplishments until Unferth (John Malkovich) dares to contradict him. No matter, the King believes in him, and Beowulf comes through, wrestling nude with the evil one, ripping off his arm, and sending him home to his cave dying. Later, the King commits suicide, and his Queen (Robin Wright Penn) marries Beowulf who takes over the kingdom. But the water demon has a few tricks in her magical bag to get what she wants from Beowulf as a form of revenge. The only message here is that women are evil (especially when they look like Angelina Jolie). This tedious story leaves us with the hero whining, "The demon made me do it!" Reviewed by Frederic and Mary Ann Brussat Rating: 1/5