Without RealD, the new remake of My Bloody Valentine the 1981 Canadian slasher film, probably wouldn't be worth walking across the street to watch. As it is, though, the movie's pretty entertaining.
My Bloody Valentine 3D (2009)
Tomatometer
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Reviews Counted:76
Fresh:42
Rotten:34
Average Rating:5.7/10
Consensus: This gory, senses-assaulting slasher film is an unpretentious, effective mix of old-school horror stylings and modern 3D technology.
Runtime: 2 hrs 10 mins
Genre: Horror/Suspense
US Box Office: $51,527,787
Synopsis: Bloodthirsty fans of the classic slashers of yesteryear should be sated by MY BLOODY VALENTINE (2009), a gory trip that’s not just a remake but a retro-amalgam of the greatest hits from the 1970s,... Bloodthirsty fans of the classic slashers of yesteryear should be sated by MY BLOODY VALENTINE (2009), a gory trip that’s not just a remake but a retro-amalgam of the greatest hits from the 1970s, '80s, and '90s. The HALLOWEEN-influenced, eerily Canadian 1981 original holds a modest place in many horror hearts despite its notoriously trimmed violence. But even those who haven’t seen it will get the feeling that this VALENTINE sports an amplified blood-and-guts factor, one that brings with it the distinctly outlandish brutality and hulking-masked-killer archetype of a FRIDAY THE 13th installment combined with the polished chase scenes of post-SCREAM teen horror. As if this gore-ucopia didn’t have enough spices already, its premise and structure are also indebted to such cheeky mystery-slashers as HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO ME and APRIL FOOL’S DAY. A decade after traumatized miner Harry Warden goes on a pickaxe massacre, guilt-stricken Tom (Jensen Ackles) returns to his quaint hometown only to find that a string of similar murders has started up. With Warden believed to be long dead, Sheriff Axel casts suspicion on Tom. It seems his old flame, Sarah, is the only one who truly believes he’s innocent. The movie’s horror-expert filmmakers imbue VALENTINE with the reliably enjoyable entertainment-trumps-logic of slasher films, especially in the way everyone in town--including the police--seems way more interested in proving or disproving Harry Warden’s involvement than actually stopping the in-progress murder spree. Similarly, beloved genre vet Tom Atkins (NIGHT OF THE CREEPS) is on hand to deliver a coolly understated retired-cop performance. But peppered in are some nifty subliminal visual flourishes and at least one off-the-wall sequence (think little people, fully naked, fleeing; and a box-spring-as-cage). The 3-D version is uncommonly well-integrated, subjecting viewers not only to hair-raising projectiles, but to an effective immersion into the mise-en-scène. [More]
Starring: Jensen Ackles, Jaime King, Kerr Smith, Betsey Rue
Starring: Jensen Ackles, Jaime King, Kerr Smith, Betsey Rue, Edi Gathegi, Tom Atkins, Kevin Tighe, Megan Boone
Director: Patrick Lussier
Director: Patrick Lussier
Screenwriter: Todd Farmer,
Producer: Jack Murray
Composer: Michael Wandmacher
Studio: Lions Gate Films
Reviews for My Bloody Valentine 3D
While the story itself is a mixed-bag at best, you have to give it up for the technology, which uses the 3-D platform to such a successful extent, it takes a mediocre movie and turns it into a reasonably fun, camp contender.
Even by horror movie standards, the characters in My Bloody Valentine 3D rank as among the dopiest folks ever seen on the big screen.
The new remake of My Bloody Valentine wasn't screened for the press, which was a mistake; it's actually more interesting, more fun and better made than most of the big movies that were screened.
This briskly paced remake of the 1981 slasher goes easy on the cheesy 3-D effects while delivering lots of seriously nasty gore.
What really leaps out at you about My Bloody Valentine 3-D is its lack of imagination.
If the imagination and enthusiasm behind the gore effects set it in the top tier of slasher movies, the rest of the film is no better than any of them.
Director Patrick Lussier and cinematographer Brian Pearson, with help from production designer Zack Grobler, have managed to make the most effective 3-D movie I've ever seen.
It's paint- by-numbers, puritanical kill-the-horny-kids garbage, with the usual graphic impalements offering up a Freudian minefield of vengeful penetrations... but 3-D sure is a nifty way to polish a turd.
The trouble is that after that first gouged eyeball, there's not a whole lot further to go. Novelty value being a rapidly diminishing thing, the technology demands an escalation in intensity and inventiveness that the movie doesn't deliver.
The plot staggers from absurd to ridiculous, and the dialogue is strictly of the 'Look we don't have to go down there' variety.
A strange synergy of old and new, My Bloody Valentine 3D blends cutting-edge technology and old-school prosthetics to produce something both familiar and alien: gore you can believe in.
In some ways, the filmmakers have created something too authentic in spirit to the original film, as it also fairly quickly becomes a plodding chore to watch.
Apart from hewing to old-school slasher rules as if they were the Talmud, the braintrusts behind My Bloody Valentine 3-D seem to have concentrated on coming up with things to shake at the audience, from the bloody to the benign, a la SCTV's Dr. Tongue.
My Bloody Valentine may not be horribly acted, but in a post-Scream and post-Scary Movie era, it's difficult to squeeze any more blood from this low-brow/high-camp turnip.
The film is strictly by-the-numbers slasher boilerplate. It won't endure past the weekend.
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