ROTTEN TOMATOES: Weekly Ketchup: Universal Takes on Asteroids Comments

Weekly Ketchup: Universal Takes on Asteroids

by Greg Dean Schmitz | July 04, 2009

Summary

This Week's Ketchup features one of the most bizarre video game adaptation concepts ever announced (Asteroids?), news about Predators and Resident Evil 4, new projects for Seth Rogen and Julianne Moore, a couple of movies based upon interesting sounding books and we take you into the Independence Day weekend with one of the worst ideas for a remake ever, ever, ever announced. #1 UNIVERSAL PICTURES HITS THE THRUST BUTTON FOR ASTEROIDS Sometimes, things are called classic because they are just plain old, but rarely, the title is truly earned. Citizen Kane and Casablanca are classic movies, for example, while I Accuse My Parents is just plain old. Back to Article

(1-48 of 48 posts) | Reply

Max the Movie Kid writes:
on Jul 04 2009 12:22 PM

An Asteroids movie? I'm not surprised that Uwe Boll won't be involved...

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A Lapse In Reason writes:
on Jul 04 2009 12:26 PM

It's Called There Will Be Blood not There May Be Blood.

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De4ective Detectiv3 writes:
on Jul 04 2009 12:46 PM

Man, I gotta stop reading this column, its too damn depressing. It reminds you just how artistically corrupt hollywood is.

@ Lapse

There May Be Blood huh? Well that would put a totally different spin on the movie...

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Chris B. writes:
on Jul 04 2009 12:55 PM

yeah, like I said before, I can't wait for a play-doh movie.

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huston e. writes:
on Jul 04 2009 01:01 PM

what next a pacman movie

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greg_dean_schmitz writes:
on Jul 04 2009 01:11 PM

Considering There Will Be Blood was my favorite movie of 2007, I can't believe I made that typo... oops !

(Reply to this)

Jack Waters writes:
on Jul 04 2009 01:12 PM

Julianne Moore and Annette Benning lesbian lovers!? Call me perverted but a new film just jumped to the top of my "must- see" list.

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D Effin W writes:
on Jul 04 2009 01:14 PM

I want to see a movie based on silly puddy. Or better yet, Creepy Crawlers... wait I think they did something with that. But I want to see a reboot!

All that was sarcasm.

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FURY.UK writes:
on Jul 04 2009 02:04 PM

Asteroids film.....what about Pang? Space Invaders? Donkey Kong? Megaman? Frogger? Q'Bert? Arakanoid?....

Hollywood is full to bursting with complete and utter madmen. What the hell would the story be other than Asteroids?

I thought producers couldn't get any crazier..its a mad time.

Why do they even need to buy the rights? Why not just have a film with Asteroids in?

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ledawg1138 writes:
on Jul 04 2009 03:25 PM

"Resident Evil"? "Asteroid"? A Michael Bay film?...hole-ee crap!

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Bigbrother writes:
on Jul 04 2009 03:26 PM

In reply to this comment (#2521177)
Everybody know Slinky is the action star for the 21st century we've all been waiting for.

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pianochess writes:
on Jul 04 2009 05:05 PM

If people are 100% speculating Bill Nighy is playing Rufus Scrimgeuor in the 7th and 8th movies, than they have seriously messed up these books. Scrimgeuor is minister in the 6th book, and the ministry falls very early in the 7th.

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Carter F. writes:
on Jul 04 2009 05:18 PM

Four studios battled for the rights of Asteroid? Four studios?!? Aster-freaking-roid?!? Hollywood has officially raped my childhood.

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Christopher B. writes:
on Jul 04 2009 06:00 PM

I'm a little angry that the team behind the Resident Evil films, have strayed so far from the games. I was hoping the 4th movie would mirror Resident Evil 4 (which took the series in a significantly different direction), rather than just continuing with the BS of the past films.

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Gerant K. writes:
on Jul 04 2009 06:39 PM

Yeah, screw re:ing Werewolf in London. It's fine as it is. If they want to "reintroduce it to a whole new generation" then just rerelease the freakin' film back through the cinema's!!!

I'll be there. Anyways, I totally believe Innocent Blood (aka French Vampire in America) was the true sequel to Werewolf. That film was just as awesome and just as bloody and funny!

Get Landis to make another sequel!

(Reply to this)

tomwaitsjr writes:
on Jul 04 2009 06:39 PM

It's depressing I'll probably never be able to see THE HURT LOCKER until it shows up on Netflix, but #)$*# ASTEROIDS will be taking up 2-3 screens per theater.

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DivineCC writes:
on Jul 04 2009 06:40 PM

Carter,
Enough with the "raping of my childhood." Nobody will force you to see the movie and if seeing a movie will erase all the fond memories of your childhood, then your childhood wasn't that great in the first place.

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Tyrant writes:
on Jul 04 2009 08:17 PM

Another Resident Evil sh*t fest hits the big screen next year, an Asteroid movie, and another remake of a horror classic. Great news week....

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Chris B. writes:
on Jul 04 2009 09:16 PM

It's almost like we get the same news every week.

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Boxman writes:
on Jul 04 2009 09:24 PM

Well that's sounds kinda dumb a movie about a spaceship dodging asteroids?
it was cool when a person played a game by just like when it is fun to play with play-doh but, to make a movie out of this is just plain silly.

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Jeremy H. writes:
on Jul 04 2009 10:00 PM

In reply to this comment (#2521194)
I think a Megaman movie would be awesome if done right, but thats a rarity lately. I hope Robert Rodriguez can do for Predators what he did with Sin City. I love the first two Predator movies, but could do without the AVPs, so if he can stay away from that angle and step it up a notch in the vein of the first two, it'll be great. I think Nimrod Antel will bring a cool twist too. Do we really need another Resident Evil movie? Not so much. Michael Bay needs to come down off his high Transformer. Anybody read the article about he and Megan Fox, and he said he made stars out of Will Smith, Martin Lawrence, Ben Affleck and Nic Cage? I can see where he'd have a little bit of an arguement with the first 3, but Nic Cage had worked with the Coens and won an oscar before he started making crappy action movies with Michael Bay. Now look at him. Ghost Rider, Bankok Dangerous, Wicker Man and Sorcerers Apprentice? Bay put him in the toilet and flushed.

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arendr writes:
on Jul 04 2009 10:14 PM

I am Number Four sounds absolutely atrocious.

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ledawg1138 writes:
on Jul 04 2009 10:56 PM

In reply to this comment (#2521272)
Michael Bay got OWNED! Megan Fox is now his pimp.

And dude, I think "Mega Man" is just one of those series that would never work on film.

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Solonik -. writes:
on Jul 05 2009 01:14 AM

"Personally, I welcome the idea of Michael Bay directing six movies based on this franchise, because that would then potentially mean that would be six movies based on things that I might actually care about that Michael Bay wouldn't have his hands on."

That was funny, and I totally agree.

I think that the new RE movie should replace AWIL remake as the rotten idea of the week. You know, seeing as how the past 3 films have been so ****ing terrible.

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tomwaitsjr writes:
on Jul 05 2009 06:05 AM

I loved Megan Fox before she handed Michael Bay his ***, now words can't describe it. I super-duper love her.

Anybody see SAVAGE GRACE? I'm still mad at Julianne Moore about that one. . . I guess Lesbianism is better than that incest scene. . .

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JB Books writes:
on Jul 05 2009 06:18 AM

**** hollywood. If they want to make a movie which involves a spaceship shooting at asteroids they should by all means do it, but give it a good plot and an appropriate title. They obviously think that by calling it Asteroids, people will want to see it. But who the hell would want to see that? Video game movies suck, even when the game actually has a plot to base the movie around.

@pianochess: The HP movies are already completely screwed thanks to that awful 5th movie, I mean they introduce Kreacher but don't have him do anything, and then they bust down the wall to the Room of Requirement. Those two things alone ruined any chance of the movies following the correct plot.

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JB Books writes:
on Jul 05 2009 06:24 AM

BTW you don't have to thank or blame Star Trek for remakes. No one in Hollywood has any original ideas and that's been the case for years.

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FURY.UK writes:
on Jul 05 2009 06:29 AM

Theres a good reason why games are games..and films are films...

Theres no plot or anything for Asteroids, its a basic 2D game. If you want to watch a film full of arcade nostalgia, watch "King of Kong" :-)

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mmeister writes:
on Jul 05 2009 07:16 AM

"That's where we are today, when we are actually starting to get nostalgic for sequel fever, rather than seeing yet another favorite movie getting the dreaded remake treatment"

Completely with you man.

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Bigbrother writes:
on Jul 05 2009 08:45 AM

In reply to this comment (#2521279)
Good to see that the hate for Bay's next project hasn't wasted any time in prepping the venom and bile. Seriously guys it's a three sentence description of the movie. Search your souls and ask yourselves if anyone elses name had been in the title would you be making these comments? This is why you get tagged with the title "Bay-Hater" which so many of you seem to resent. He's barely on the project 5 minutes and everyone has already written it off as a loss. Sad. Almost as sad as driving me to defend a director I'm not super excited about myself. Oh well, I give up. Please continue with your irrational hatred of a successful but limited director who's probably financed a ton of movies you love with his "brainless" blockbusters.

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misilebuilder2004 writes:
on Jul 05 2009 09:38 AM

Who proofs your copy? It's Deathly "Hallows", not "Hollows". That plus the "Blood" typo makes me think Greg was a little rushed to get going on the holiday weekend. All this talk of Asteroids & Play-Doh makes me think of one thing: a GUMBY remake!

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arendr writes:
on Jul 05 2009 10:10 AM

In reply to this comment (#2521350)
Look, I'm not a blind Bay hater. I'm torn because the guy keeps a lot of people employed, but he does so by sacrificing the integrity of the industry. The reason I think that project sounds atrocious is based on a) his track record, b) the plot appears to be ripe for his normal immature take on characters. Could someone else do a good job with that story line? Absolutely. Bay has his characters say not just bad lines, but dialog that is intentionally insulting to the audience's brains.

I get what you're saying, but Michael Bay has had years to prove himself and he's only gotten more unbearable.

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ledawg1138 writes:
on Jul 05 2009 10:20 AM

In reply to this comment (#2521338)
King of Kong is the best video game related movie ever! That's not saying much, so I'll also say it's the best documentry of 2007.

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David L. writes:
on Jul 05 2009 11:01 AM

Well, technically Paul W.S. Anderson is did not direct "There May Be Blood," either...

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Bigbrother writes:
on Jul 05 2009 11:46 AM

In reply to this comment (#2521360)
Saying he sacrifices the integrity of the industry is going a bit far I think. Art is subjective as is entertainment and for every person who thinks Bay's work is stupid totally lacking in redeeming qualities there are probably 3 who think they're great fun and don't feel bad about shelling out 10 bucks to be entertained. There are plenty of directors out there who make artistic masterworks who I just can't stand to sit there and watch for 2 hours. I don't think they're robbing the public by continually producing cinematic Nyquil because some people like this stuff that I consider pretentious and boring and are more than willing to pay for it. At this point people can't use the excuse that they expected something else from Bay because as you say he uses pretty much the same formula for most of his movies. People know what they're getting and a lot of them like it. Personally I think cinema is better for having Transformers 1 and 2, Bad Boys, Armageddon and The Rock.

Interesting thing I've noticed the movie people hate Bay the most for Pearl Harbor is probably the one that has the most of what people say he lacks. Character development and cohesive plot. That really doesn't have much to do with the discussion, just something I noticed and thought was strange.

Lastly, at this point we don't even know if Bay is going to direct, it only says it's possible. You guys say Bay's movies are stupid and only for people of limited intelligence. I think one guy said 12 year olds. So maybe he's taking your advice and making a kids movie. Could be a perfect fit. Think people have gotten too into jumping on this internet spawned bandwagon of hate for a guy who though not the best director out there certainly isn't the worst either.

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tomwaitsjr writes:
on Jul 05 2009 01:01 PM

Bay, Like Shymalan, is an arrogant ****. That helps us enjoy hating him that much more.

Plus, Pearl Harbor was supposed to be more realistic then Armageddon as it was based on actual events. . . I question if it was. . .

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Bigbrother writes:
on Jul 05 2009 01:26 PM

In reply to this comment (#2521381)
Meh Historical accuracy is overrated. Just look at Public Enemies. You should never let the truth get in the way of a good story. I don't blame Bay for hitting back at his critics. To the best of my knowledge there's no law that says you have to take criticism well. I've always been one of those separate the person from the job kind of guys. Don't care about Tom Cruises personal life, but like his films. Ditto Christian Bale. Sean Penn I don't like as a person AND I don't like his movies, but the two are mutally exclusive I think.

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underoath18 writes:
on Jul 05 2009 04:04 PM

I really like The Rock and Bad Boys is pretty good too, but sometimes it seems like Bay doesn't even try. When he does try we get Pearl Harbor. I'm convinced the character development is beyond him. He is like a twelve year old with an unlimited budget. There are few directors who can put together an action scene like he can, but in the case of Transformers 2 it gets old and eventually you start to wish for more from the movie.

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Robert M. writes:
on Jul 05 2009 04:11 PM

The only "Game" I think that would have even less to work with in a movie would be "Pong". That said, with 11 Million players of "World of Warcraft", I would think a "Warcraft" movie would have far more to go on, that and the Lore behind the game would create much more human interest. Even South Park has had their go at the game, and parodies such as "World of World of Warcraft" provide much fodder.

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$up3rgr33k writes:
on Jul 05 2009 06:05 PM

In reply to this comment (#2521178)
Of course, in true Hollywood fashion, they will stay true to the concept of Pac-man. Pac-man will be played by Zac Efron, a CIA assassin posing as a sparkly-toothed teenager tracking down Mrs. Pac-man, (played by Megan Fox) a genius-level, CIA assassin who went rogue and is planning to strike at the CIA director's daughter at her school. Pac-Man is aided by Ghost, a tech-savvy, paraplegic, minority race who is not only sparkly-toothed as well but is gay thus adding quirky comedic one-liners of both stereotypical gay and minority style. Oh and lots of stuff will explode via CG effects. Don't question it! It'll make a butt-load of cash!

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Bigbrother writes:
on Jul 05 2009 07:00 PM

In reply to this comment (#2521436)
I will give you 10 dollars to see that movie right now!!!! :)

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Chris A. writes:
on Jul 05 2009 07:25 PM

Movies Id like to see made: Cell--based on the Stephen King novel, also Bag of Bones also by King. And someone needs to write a GOOD screenplay and get a real director for many of Dean Koontz novels--Darkfall, House of Thunder, The Taking etc

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Paints Hz Shirt Red writes:
on Jul 05 2009 08:27 PM

asteroids movie!? thats about the stoopidist thing i heard since shumacher got dibs on batman! fanboys, gotta love it.

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jacog writes:
on Jul 06 2009 03:27 AM

Asteroids? I think that's been done though... it was called Armageddon, and was a Michael Bay film. Aaaand Deep Impact (although that was a comet - possibly also the title of a porn film). And we also had that great scene from The Empire Strikes Back.

"You're not seriously thinking flying INTO an asteroid field?!?"

"Well they'd have to be crazy to follow us, won't they?"

Anyway... pah. Asteroids, hemmoroids... same amount of appeal.

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The D. writes:
on Jul 06 2009 06:46 AM

They DO keep releasing the same information each week. Asteroids? Yeah, Hollywood us officially retard central at this point.

American Werewolf in London? Uh-huh...yeah...that's a cash-tastic idea!

Tell you what , eggheads behind the studio doors, you aren't worth the skin you walk around in. Here's an idea, how about introducing ...drumroll...something NEW to a whole new generation?!

Anyone agree? Join me in August-2009 at...

www.hollywoodreboot.com

"Hollywood Executives...they suck hard so you don't have to."

(Reply to this)

ledawg1138 writes:
on Jul 06 2009 05:08 PM

In reply to this comment (#2521537)
Damn, I was going to say "Armageddon" is "Asteroids"! Except, "Asteroids" is more emotionally engaging.

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High School With Money writes:
on Jul 14 2009 05:47 AM

5. Thanks for wasting my eyes on that James Frey bit.

10. joat???? No distributor? How was it funded?

11. What's this "we", kimotherapy? I'll pass on a remake or sequel any day because hmmm gee well I HAVE SELF CONTROL AND A BUDGET. Yeah, I'll go there.

(Reply to this)

bluestar50 writes:
on Aug 02 2009 08:54 PM

I imagine that Uwe Boll will serve as producer or writer for the Asteroids movie.

(Reply to this)

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