The Eye

Tomatometer: 21%

One thing might appeal to you about this poor American rehashing of a decent Asian horror film, and that is its star: Jessica Alba. Thankfully, there's plenty of her to be seen -- and a perverse enjoyment to be had from watching her blind "concert violinist" emote around a darkened condo.

Bonus Features:

It's a 2-disc release with precious little content to warrant the splurge. A digital copy of the film accompanies the DVD -- but why, oh, why, would you want to watch it more than once?

Semi-Pro

Tomatometer: 20%

Will Ferrell is up to his usual tricks as Jackie Moon, a 1970s R&B singer ("Love Me Sexy") turned hoops team owner/player/coach faced trying to lead his ragtag team to league victory; zaniness ensues. The comic's faithful can forgive the film's intermittent laughs just for the sight of Ferrell in short shorts, but what about everyone else?

Bonus Features:

You'll get a digital copy and unrated version of the film in the 2-disc "Let's Get Sweaty" Edition, plus extended and deleted scenes...but if you hate the film, these extras will just pour more Will Ferrell-flavored salt into the wound. Decide if you're enough of a Ferrell fan first.

Meet the Spartans


Tomatometer: 02%

The guys behind the "Fill-In-the-Blank" Movies are back again, skewering all things 300. If you revel in gay Spartan jokes, and snort at yet another Britney Spears jab, then you and this movie deserve each other.

Bonus Features:

Pop-up trivia and a cast and crew commentary accompany this...who are we kidding. No amount of extra features could make this DVD worth your while.

Control

Tomatometer: 88%

Thank goodness for good movies! Anton Corbijn's stirring, excellent biopic of Joy Division singer Ian Curtis is finally here --- a hauntingly intimate, jolting, and lyrical look at the tragic life and death of the pre-fame legend, cut short right as the band was on the brink of post-punk stardom.

Bonus Features:

Immerse yourself in an interview and commentary track with Corbijn, and then marvel at lead Sam Riley and fellow actors (who performed their own songs, filmed live for the movie) in extended concert scenes. Corbijn's music videos for Joy Division and The Killers also appear on the release.

Boarding Gate

Tomatometer: 26%

The poster says it all: Asia Argento in her underwear and stilettos, pistol in hand. But, buyer be warned: there may be little else to redeem Olivier Assayas' stylized neo-thriller, which also features Michael Madsen and a strange turn by Sonic Youth's Kim Gordon.

Bonus Features:

A single making-of featurette makes this a skimpy DVD title; rent it, unless you've got to bolster your private Asia Argento home video collection.

Dirty Harry Ultimate Collector's Edition

Tomatometer: N/A

Ask yourself one question: Do you feel lucky? You should, considering this "ultimate" set of all five Dirty Harry films comes with a passel of uber cool collector's items, plus a feature-length documentary on the man himself, Clint Eastwood, and all-new commentaries by Eastwood, John Milius, James Fargo, and film critic Richard Schickel.

Bonus Features:

Here's the loot: five reproduced lobby cards, a poster-sized map of San Francisco detailing Harry's hunt for the Scorpio killer, never before seen production correspondence, a 40 page hardcover book, and -- best of all -- a replica Dirty Harry wallet with metal badge and I.D. card.

The Onion Movie

Tomatometer: N/A

America's finest news source (and employer of hilarious headline writers) The Onion gets its own feature-length movie this week, skewering the news and entertainment industry with signature snark. With a nod to the Kentucky Fried Movie -- though leagues below that mark in terms of, well, jokes that work -- The Onion Movie won't be the best new release of the week, but it will probably be more worth your while than Meet the Spartans.

Bonus Features:

Justly deleted scenes and outtakes aren't funny if the material isn't funny. But there is some hope, in the form of Mr. Steven Seagal (at the 1:00 mark):

'Til next week, happy viewing!