ROTTEN TOMATOES: Uwe Boll Finds Some Punching Bags

Uwe Boll Finds Some Punching Bags

by Gareth J. Von Kallenbach | August 22, 2006

Remember a little while back when trash-master Uwe Boll challenged his (numerous) critics to a little boxing match? Well, it seems like he finally has some takers, and the bouts will take place in ... Vancouver.

Press Release courtesy of SKNR.net:

GoldenPalace.com sponsors filmmaker’s revenge

MONDAY, AUGUST 21, 2006, VANCOUVER, BC -- GoldenPalace.com is proud to present Raging Boll. Uwe Boll, the German filmmaker best known for several video game based films like "Alone in the Dark," "House of the Dead,"
"BloodRayne" & "In The Name of The King: A Dungeon Siege Tale," is considered by many critics to be one of the world’s worst filmmakers. His movies, however, have made him more money than his critics will earn in several lifetimes.

After receiving a slew of horrid reviews for his latest film "BloodRayne" earlier this year, Boll was incensed and did what any successful filmmaker would do -- challenged his detractors to a boxing match to knock some sense into them and settle the score. "Many journalists make value judgments on my films based on the opinions of one or two thousand Internet voices," claims Boll. "Half of those opinions come from people who’ve never watched my films."

Boll proposed a 3-round match against anyone with the guts to step into the ring with him. The matches would receive international exposure and be filmed as part of his next feature film, "Postal’." Given their history of unique marketing campaigns, Internet casino GoldenPalace.com jumped at the chance to sponsor this event, now titled GoldenPalace.com Presents Raging Boll. Over the years, they have become widely recognized for sponsoring high-profile boxers, athletes, and celebrities. "This event is perfect for us," said GoldenPalace.com CEO Richard Rowe. "We receive so many outlandish offers for advertising exposure that it is refreshing to see something that surprises even us. That is why we decided to get involved. This has gotten so much attention so far, and we can’t wait to see how it will turn out."

Four matches are currently scheduled for September 23 and one match planned earlier in Spain for a total of five opponents. Boll is ready to take on even more people willing to fight, and his challenge remains on the table.
There are some critics who chickened out and didn’t follow through with their challenges. The following 5 challengers have been picked by our selection committee to represent some of Uwe Boll’s harshest critics.
These particular challengers are prepared to box Dr. Boll on September 23rd, 2006, in Vancouver, where they will finally get the opportunity to try to inflict some pain on the man they claim has done it to them for years.

GoldenPalace.com Presents Raging Boll

The challengers are: Carlos Palencia Jiménez-Argüello from Madrid, Spain.
Webmaster of www.cinecutre.com; http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=JT5aD242Ey8

Richard “Lowtax“ Kyanka from Lee’s Summit, Missouri, USA
Webmaster / CEO for Something Awful
Contact: lowtax@somethingawful.com

Jeff Sneider from Los Angeles, California, USA
Journalist for Ain't It Cool News
Contact: MiraJeff@aol.com

Chris Alexander from Toronto, Ontario, Canada
Journalist / Radio Announcer for Rue Morgue
Magazine / Rue Morgue Radio / AM 640 Toronto
Contact: Harryangel13@aol.com

Nelson Chance Minter from Fredrick, Maryland, USA
Website Critic
Contact: darkknight8656@hotmail.com

The Carlos Palencia / Uwe Boll fight will occur in Malaga, Spain early in September. The date in Spain is still to be confirmed. The actual fight will be filmed for inclusion with the other Vancouver fights. With Uwe Boll receiving a film award from the International Film Festival of Fantastic Cinema and Terror in Malaga, Spain for his work with "BloodRayne," this gives us the opportunity to hold our first fight in Spain.

Setting the standard in marketing creativity, GoldenPalace.com has devised some of the most exciting and outrageous advertising campaigns in the past few years. Items such as the Virgin Mary Grilled Cheese Sandwich, Britney Spears’ Pregnancy Test, and William Shatner’s Kidney Stone have garnered extensive worldwide media attention for the casino. GoldenPalace.com has also used their items and marketing to raise awareness and funds for over $1,000,000 for various charities worldwide."

Hoo boy. Where's Tonya Harding when we need her?

Related Items

Celeb:	Uwe Boll
Movie:	Alone in the Dark
	House of the Dead
	In the Name of the King: A Dungeon Siege Tale
	BloodRayne

(1-20 of 39 posts) | Reply

Madman writes:
on Aug 22 2006 06:50 AM

[b]Oh my...[/b]
This sounds fun. IF Chris Alexander knocks out Boll, I'll buy a subscription to Rue Morgue.

Madman

(Reply to this)

RoadDogXVIII writes:
on Aug 22 2006 07:57 AM

[b]Dickweed[/b]
Is this guy nuts? I was unlucky enough to have seen "Alone in the Dark," and I would never touch another one of Uwe Boll's movies with a 10 foot pole.

(Reply to this)

Scythe404 writes:
on Aug 22 2006 08:48 AM

I've been a forum member over at Something Awful for awhile now, and i still have trouble believing this juvenile shi'ite.

'I can box better than you so therefore my movies are good?'

(Reply to this)

Vitamin M writes:
on Aug 22 2006 09:43 AM

I've seen all of Boll's video game films and yes they are awful but I very much enjoy laughing at their awfulness and I have no hatred for Uwe but the fact that he thinks he's a good film maker is why I think he's an idiot.

(Reply to this)

Dinalfos 2 writes:
on Aug 22 2006 09:48 AM

Haha, this is priceless.

(Reply to this)

lavatory love machine writes:
on Aug 22 2006 09:52 AM

maybe he will make a movie about this, like adaptation but with a hack instead of a genious

(Reply to this)

Gareth writes:
on Aug 22 2006 10:19 AM

I am interested to see how "SEED" will be. I did a set tour and saw some footage when Uwe and I were booked to speak at the same convention. Honestly, as horror goes, it did not look half bad. He had a scene where he used only the light from an actors flashlight for the scene and it was effective in getting the atmosphere out.

(Reply to this)

Francis P. Fannybottom writes:
on Aug 22 2006 10:37 AM

This is wonderful. Its like SoaP in real life.

(Reply to this)

dylan21484nj writes:
on Aug 22 2006 12:05 PM

they're actually calling it Raging Boll? haha, that's awesome. god, i hope he gets his head knocked off. if i ever got the chance to go a few rounds with Herr Boll, i'd have to add the stipulation that if he loses, he must never make a single film ever again, and if he so much as picked up a video camera to film someone's wedding, he'd either be arrested or forced to give the supposed "milliions of dollars" he's earned off his disasters on celluloid to various film schools (so people with ACTUAL FILMMAKING TALENT can get a start in the business) and other charities.

(Reply to this)

taran72 writes:
on Aug 22 2006 12:22 PM

I've never felt so conflicted. On one hand, I just want Uwe to go away. On the other, I want him to keep making crap movies and doing stupid shi'ite.

(Reply to this)

Elixir writes:
on Aug 22 2006 12:44 PM

no, no, taran, no, we want Uwe Boll to go away forever, FOREVER.

enough, i hope he gets his butt handed to him because he's the worst director in the world today.

(Reply to this)

Jebediah writes:
on Aug 22 2006 12:51 PM

Boll is going to beat the shit out of everyone. His movies may be the worst out there, but the man is a beast.

(Reply to this)

cabezone writes:
on Aug 22 2006 01:46 PM

In reply to this comment (#842777)
I found pictures of most of these guys and they're all scrawny, Boll is going to beat the hell outta these guys.

(Reply to this)

Gareth writes:
on Aug 22 2006 02:00 PM

While they may not be epics, lets be fair there have been some very bad horror films in the past couple of years, and his are hardly the worst of the batch. Anyone sit through Boogeyman as an example?

(Reply to this)

Jebediah writes:
on Aug 22 2006 02:11 PM

I sat through BloodRayne. Beat that.

(Reply to this)

Master King Sexington writes:
on Aug 22 2006 02:33 PM

In reply to this comment (#842779)
Every Boll movie makes Boogeyman look like a good time. Boogeyman sucked but at least it didn't cause physical pain. Try sitting through House of the Dead and Alone in the Dark. I still don't have the courage to see Bloodrayne

(Reply to this)

Jebediah writes:
on Aug 22 2006 03:20 PM

From what I heard, BloodRayne is actually easier to sit through than House of the Dead and Alone in the Dark, niether of which I have seen, because you get to see boobs.

(Reply to this)

Boss Fan writes:
on Aug 22 2006 04:14 PM

In reply to this comment (#842782)
That's about it. Still not worth it for a few seconds of tits (though kristana Lokien has very nice ones) and the other 90 minutes of utter shit. The movie plays like what you'd get if "From Dusk Till Dawn" and "Lord of the Rings" had a retarded baby. And somehow it actually turns good actors (Michael Madsen, BenKingsley) into bad ones. An amazing feat in its own way I guess (you'd think a good actor is a good actor regardless of the movie, but...).

(Reply to this)

RoadDogXVIII writes:
on Aug 22 2006 04:35 PM

In my opinion, Uwe's acting really immature. You know, it's not the people on the message board who hates his movies, it's critics EVERYWHERE that hate them (including Roger Ebert). What an egotist.

(Reply to this)

IMAmoose24 writes:
on Aug 22 2006 05:16 PM

I was hoping for some better known critics to fight boll. It's disappointing how he chose the scrawny guys to fight. Even if he beats them, it proves nothing about his movie making and or his boxing skills. It will only hurt his rep in the long run.

(Reply to this)

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