Want to know just how excited you should be for next week's Tarantino-Rodriguez double feature schlock-fest? You've got two advance reviews to choose from, for the Sight & Sound subscriber and the basement-dweller alike, so jump in and wade through the high-octane, zombie-killing reaction action!

Usually as these things go, there are precious few options to read early reactions to big movies -- say, AICN's tireless legions of pseudonym-monikered fanboys waxing poetic on the latest coolness to hit the screen. (And, guys, I mean that in the best possible way.)

Accordingly, AICN's own Moriarty has posted a "Grindhouse" review -- modestly entitled "The Only Grindhouse Review You Ever Need To Read" -- by frequent contributor Neill Cumpston; if you've ever had the pleasure of reading Cumpston's reviews, you'll know what I mean when I say that what he lacks in grammar, punctuation, and obedience to the run-on sentence rule, he makes up for with the most entertaining and expletive-filled odes to the experience of movie-going to be put to paper in recent memory.




Sure, he doesn't remember the name of the guy who stars in "Grindhouse"'s fake trailer, "Machete" (that would be character actor Danny Trejo), and his critical assessments of the film are measured in imaginatively visceral bodily reactions. But Cumpston's review captures one thing about "Grindhouse": mainly, that it seems to deliver just what it promises, and excitingly so. In the reviewer's own words, "It's a taquito buffet that you puke up after getting hit with a motorcycle, and it turns into a bikini chick that b**** you and kills your boss with a hammer." Consider those all good things.

But perhaps you like a bit more criticism with your advance reviews. In that case, let us direct you over to IGN Movies, where Todd Gilchrist has posted his (also positive) critique of "Grindhouse." And unlike AICN's reviewer, Gilchrist doesn't use the word "splooge" as a verb.

IGN's review pays particular compliment to Rodriguez' half of the flick, the zombie outbreak feature named "Planet Terror": "As Grindhouse's anchor and what one hopes will be vindicated as the 'A' picture against Tarantino's b-movie follow-up, Planet Terror is Rodriguez' best film to date and an unequivocal masterpiece of celebratory schlock."




Of note is IGN's assessment of Tarantino's half, the vehicular homicide cat-and-mouse chronicle, "Death Proof." Gilchrist suggests that, though rife with plenty of high-achieving action and style, Tarantino's film is too talky for its own good. "Tarantino exposes his penchant for self-indulgence by allowing his characters to chit-chat until you've almost completely lost interest in what the punch line could possibly be," he writes.

Mind you, IGN enjoyed "Grindhouse" -- rating it a 4 out of 5 stars -- and agrees with AICN on a number of fronts, especially where "Death Proof" villain Stuntman Mike (Kurt Russell) is concerned. The term "Oscar-worthy" is thrown around somewhere; we'll leave it to you to find out who wrote it!

"Grindhouse" is due in theaters April 6; stay tuned for a Tomatometer Watch!

Source: AICN, IGN Movies