Tomato 3/4 |
Taken (2009) |
"A morally specious but undeniably efficient brainstem-tickler -- the most effective action/revenge thriller in years." |
John Beifuss |
Splat 2/4 |
Taking Lives (2004) |
"Angelina Jolie manages to make attractiveness seem unappealing." |
John Beifuss |
Splat 2/4 |
The Taking of Pelham 1 2 3 (2009) |
"The laughable climax is punctuated with a military-style salute from a police hostage negotiater that is so silly it causes one to wonder whether 'Pelham' is supposed to be a dry-as-sand comedy -- a 'Beat the Devil' for the 'Transformers' era." |
John Beifuss |
Splat 2/4 |
Taking Woodstock (2009) |
"The filmmakers use Woodstock as wallpaper for a hackneyed story of personal growth and reinvention." |
John Beifuss |
Tomato 3/4 |
Talk to Me (2007) |
"Through the persons of Petey and Dewey, 'Talk to Me' examines two competing approaches by which a black man might achieve success in a white man's world." |
John Beifuss |
Splat 2.5/4 |
Talladega Nights: The Ballad of Ricky Bobby (2006) |
"A Will Ferrell vehicle customized with some potentially provocative red states satire and a message that so-called cutting and running may be smarter than winning at any cost." |
John Beifuss |
Tomato 3.5/4 |
Tarnation (2004) |
"A disturbing self-portrait limned from the filmmaker's relentless narcissism and his fetishization of mental illness, family dysfunction and personal suffering." |
John Beifuss |
Tomato 3.5/4 |
Taxi to the Dark Side (2008) |
"Like a stomach-churning human-interest sidebar to the Iraq War overview of 'No End in Sight.'" |
John Beifuss |
Tomato 3/4 |
Team America: World Police (2004) |
"Hilarious, yes; but one can almost already hear the film's rousing theme song, 'America: F--ck Yeah!,' blasting unironically from boom boxes across the country..." |
John Beifuss |
Splat 2/4 |
Tears of the Sun (2003) |
"Just in time for the U.S. invasion of Iraq comes 'Tears of the Sun,' a glossy but fraudulent promotion for America's revived role as global policeman." |
John Beifuss |
Splat 2/4 |
Tell No One (2008) |
"Constructed like a calling card for Hollywood employment, as when a montage of funeral and wedding memories is underscored with 'Lilac Wine' by Jeff Buckley." |
John Beifuss |
Splat 2/4 |
The Ten (2007) |
"Any of the film's concepts would be pretty funny in a tossed-off 'Saturday Night Live' skit, but presenting these absurdist ideas in the context of an impeccably produced albeit low-budget motion picture somehow sucks the comic air from the room." |
John Beifuss |
Splat 1.5/4 |
Tenacious D in: The Pick of Destiny (2006) |
"Satan looks pretty dang cool; the rest of the movie looks crummier -- and is less amusing -- than a 1970s Crown-International drive-in picture." |
John Beifuss |
Splat 2/4 |
Tennessee (2009) |
"Too formulaic to be the sort of low-budget film that garners critical buzz or a cult audience; and too 'indie' to click with the mainstream crowd." |
John Beifuss |
Tomato 3/4 |
The Terminal (2004) |
"Suggests that America remains the generous land of opportunity that immigrants have dreamed of for decades, despite terrorism and Homeland Security..." |
John Beifuss |
Tomato 3/4 |
Terminator 3: Rise of the Machines (2003) |
"It's a sick kick to watch der Arnold battle a Swiss Army knife shaped like a Maxim cover girl." |
John Beifuss |
Tomato 3/4 |
Terminator Salvation (2009) |
"As the so-called war on terror and other events repeatedly demonstrate, the 'What makes us human?' question never loses relevance..." |
John Beifuss |
Tomato 3/4 |
The Texas Chainsaw Massacre (2003) |
"Extremely effective, but because we still have the original it has no reason to exist..." |
John Beifuss |
Splat 2/4 |
The Texas Chainsaw Massacre: The Beginning (2006) |
"Tries to justify its ugly sadism through some very black comedy and a revival of the Vietnam-era cultural politics of the original: The cannibal family represents an establishment that turns young people into not just cannon fodder but literal fodder." |
John Beifuss |
Tomato 3/4 |
Thank You For Smoking (2006) |
"Well-made, but it should be harsher: This is mentholated satire that doesn't get into your lungs, much less your bloodstream." |
John Beifuss |
Tomato 3.5/4 |
That Evening Sun (2009) |
"Confounds expectations and discomfits the audience by reversing the strategy of 'Gran Torino,' with Holbrook's proud, cantankerous old-timer becoming less worthy of the audience's early investment of loyalty and trust as the story progresses..." |
John Beifuss |
Splat 2/4 |
The Clone Wars (2008) |
"Instead of making a splash in the summer of Batman, WALL-E and ABBA, 'Clone Wars' is just the latest drop of anemic blood squeezed from the petrifying husk of a once innovative science-fiction franchise." |
John Beifuss |
Tomato 3/4 |
The Counterfeiters (2008) |
"Gripping, but would have more impact if it had been staged -- like Paul Verhoeven's 'Black Book' -- in the straightforward manner of a classic Hollywood suspense film." |
John Beifuss |
Splat 1.5/4 |
The Day the Earth Stood Still (2008) |
"Even Gort -- the coolest robot in science-fiction cinema -- has been reimagined as a cartoonish CG colossus who ironically resembles the Oscar statuette that otherwise will remain a universe away from this hammy misfire." |
John Beifuss |
Splat 2/4 |
The Polar Express (2004) |
"This labor-intensive, high-tech, multimillion-dollar enterprise suffers in ironic contrast next to the spare elegance of Van Allsburg's oil pastel storybook." |
John Beifuss |
Splat 1.5/4 |
Then She Found Me (2008) |
"As unhealthy-looking as a Dust Bowl migrant in a Dorothea Lange portrait, Hunt appears to have wandered onto the set in hopes of finding something to chew." |
John Beifuss |
Tomato 4/4 |
There Will Be Blood (2007) |
"Those who believe America is trading blood for oil will find agreement in the film's very title, as well as in the action of prospecting and drilling, in which heavy stakes are driven into the Earth's heart to loose dark gushers..." |
John Beifuss |
Splat '1/4' |
The Thing About My Folks (2005) |
"A 'Mad About Gramps' episode that requires Falk to line-dance to Travis Tritt and otherwise demonstrate that old people sure are funny and cute and flatulent." |
John Beifuss |
Splat 2/4 |
Things We Lost in the Fire (2007) |
"A lovable heroin addict helps a widow and her children cope with loss... Obvious and unconvincing..." |
John Beifuss |
Tomato 2.5/4 |
Thirteen (2003) |
"The angel is in the details: if the overfamiliar plot comes on like a hip indie update of 'Go Ask Alice' or even 'Reefer Madness,' the 'Girl Culture' world the characters inhabit is distinctive and persuasive..." |
John Beifuss |
Tomato 3.5/4 |
The Three Burials of Melquiades Estrada (2005) |
"As 'Brokeback Mountain' and now 'Burials' demonstrate, filmmakers continue to find usefulness and meaning in the mythology and iconography of that most American (and masculine) of self-critiques, the Western." |
John Beifuss |
Splat '2/4' |
Thumbsucker (2005) |
"Another of the sensitive adolescent males who infest recent American independent cinema like so many epicene dust mites..." |
John Beifuss |
Splat 2/4 |
Thunderbirds (2004) |
"What's the point of this live-action version of a puppet show? As in 'Pinocchio,' the magic disappears when the marionettes become flesh and blood." |
John Beifuss |
Splat 2/4 |
Till Human Voices Wake Us (2003) |
"Audiences are more likely to feel like a patient etherized upon a table than intrigued or mesmerized." |
John Beifuss |
Tomato '3/4' |
Tim Burton's Corpse Bride (2005) |
"The Corpse Bride's hypnotic orbs suggest a Kim Carnes hit for Eurohorror fans: She's got Barbara Steele eyes." |
John Beifuss |
Splat 2/4 |
TMNT (2007) |
"The 'Superman Returns' of kiddie action fare, this isn't a franchise redo but a years-later, surprisingly downbeat sequel..." |
John Beifuss |
Splat 2/4 |
Torque (2004) |
"The real auteur here is producer Neal H. Moritz, whose previous odes to reckless endangerment and beer-commercial sexuality include the 'Fast and Furious' films..." |
John Beifuss |
Splat 2.5/4 |
Transamerica (2005) |
"Begins as a cult 'transgender' film, then undergoes emergency reassignment surgery to become a mainstream adventure in parent-child 'closure.'" |
John Beifuss |
Splat 2.5/4 |
Transformers (2007) |
"At one point, Bumblebee essentially urinates on an annoying federal officer. It's hard to believe Bay or Spielberg think this is funny... This is pandering at its worst, and it reveals a lack of respect for the audience, kids and adults alike." |
John Beifuss |
Splat 2/4 |
Transformers: Revenge of the Fallen (2009) |
"Tinnitus with pictures." |
John Beifuss |
Splat 1/4 |
Transporter 3 (2008) |
"Even a usually easy-to-please sneak preview audience reacted to the film's violations of physics and common sense with glum silence rather than the hoots and hollers that signify approval of the unlikely feats in James Bond and Indiana Jones films." |
John Beifuss |
Tomato |
Treasure Island (1950) |
"Newton's Long John Silver is the ultimate buccaneer, a one-legged, squinty-eyed blackguard so piratical he even concludes a prayer with a hammy 'Ahhhhhrrrmen...'" |
John Beifuss |
Tomato 4/4 |
The Triplets of Belleville (2003) |
""Dazzlingly inventive and delightful and probably unlike any cartoon -- or movie -- you've ever seen..."" |
John Beifuss |
Tomato 3.5/4 |
Tristram Shandy: A Cock and Bull Story (2006) |
"Droll literary humor, genital violence played for laughs, references to German New Wave cinema and Al Pacino impersonations are among the elements that make this one of the year's most beguiling and entertaining surprises." |
John Beifuss |
Tomato 4/4 |
Tropic Thunder (2008) |
"To peg 'Tropic Thunder' as a satire of moviemaking is to limit its anarchic, outlandish appeal. It's like saying 'South Park' is about an elementary school." |
John Beifuss |
Tomato 3.5/4 |
Trouble the Water (2008) |
"The movie is certainly political, but it's also existential: It chronicles a struggle to survive that transcends bureaucratic incompetence and speaks to the very nature of living in a hostile or at least indifferent and unknowable natural world..." |
John Beifuss |
Tomato 3/4 |
Troy (2004) |
"Says Hector: "No son of Troy will ever submit to a foreign ruler." The bootleg of this movie is sure to be a big seller in Fallujah." |
John Beifuss |
Tomato 3/4 |
Tsotsi (2006) |
"It is Tsotsi's own unresolved infantilism that is the story's true Baby On Board." |
John Beifuss |
Splat 2/4 |
Turistas (2006) |
"As conflicted as the U.S. psyche: The movie locates the ghastly fates of its victims in the history of American arrogance, yet tells us to never trust a foreigner, even when she's in a bikini." |
John Beifuss |
Tomato '3.5/4' |
Turtles Can Fly (2005) |
"A welcome, even essential adjustment to the images of Iraq seen in daily news reports." |
John Beifuss |
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