Alone in the Dark (2005)

"How Uwe Boll manages to scrape together enough investment money to give wing to this type of overblown, amateurish gibberish is truly a mystery of the cosmos..."

Andrew Lloyd Webber's The Phantom of the Opera (2004)

"Andrew Lloyd Webber is... a shallow, giftless dilettante whose hackneyed McOperas are an embarrassment to the art form."

Behind the Mask: The Rise of Leslie Vernon (2007)

"Glosserman's surprisingly polished debut feature is as respectful to the slasher horror film as it is thoughtful, making Behind the Mask one of the best slasher films %u2013 or meta-slasher films %u2013 you're likely to see."

Cursed (2005)

"There are so many contemptuous things to say about this disastrous Teen Wolf/Lost Boys clone that I’m not sure where to begin."

The Devil's Backbone (2001)

"A treasure of artistic elements and genres synthesized together in a flawless cohesion of cinematic and visual poetry."

The Eye (2003)

"The Eye is definitely a triumph of style over substance but, nevertheless, it’s been far too long since I’ve been genuinely spooked by a horror film."

The Forgotten (2004)

"The Forgotten, though not an outright bad movie, is yet another frustrating example of a Hollywood film that simply lacks the courage of its convictions."

Ginger Snaps 2 : Unleashed (2004)

"Ginger Snaps II: Unleashed features the same witty, honest dialogue as the original, with improved music, make-up and werewolf effects."

Hellboy (2004)

"'This just in: Hellboy is real! ... the big red ape has been spotted at theatres all over town and the public reaction isn’t quite what the B.P.R.D. expected – they love him!'"

The Hills Have Eyes (2006)

"Gore disciples rejoice: Alexandre Aja's remake of The Hills Have Eyes hits like a hot blood baptism."

Hostel (2006)

"Buried somewhere in this movie is an interesting concept, but the delivery lacks imagination and suspense, and the plot is largely predictable."

House of the Dead (2003)

"If you want to see what a cinematic piece of dog barf looks like, go see House of the Dead, otherwise do yourself a favour and play the video game, it’s far more entertaining."

Incident at Loch Ness (2004)

"Incident at Loch Ness may not be first film to explore the mystery of the Loch Ness monster, but it might just be the best."

Irreversible (2003)

"Irreversible is I Spit On Your Grave for the intellectual set ..."

The Lost Skeleton of Cadavra (2004)

"The Lost Skeleton of Cadavra is teeming with terrible dialogue, cardboard thespians, corny props snatched off eBay and mutilations, mutilations, MUTILATIONS!"

Night Watch (2005)

"As slick as any mega-budget American movie... but it’s also as cliché and soulless, and a lot more convoluted."

The Passion of the Christ (2004)

"The Passion of the Christ is the Jesus story that’s been begging to get made since Charlie Heston kicked off his robes and sandals."

The Phantom of the Opera (1925)

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Rawhead Rex (1987)

"A terrible adaptation of a fantastic Clive Barker story from his Books of Blood. Despite the goofy mask the demon wears, Rex does have some teeth; it earns points for the Rex-urinating-on-willing-priest's-face scene."

The Return (2006)

"Stick to vampires, Buffy."

Saw III (2006)

"The only brains on display are the ones that get drilled out of human skulls."

Shaun of the Dead (2004)

"A clever spoof film that’s actually well-written, witty, dynamically shot and edited, thankfully lacking the mentality of expelled phlegm."

Stephen King's The Mist (2007)

"The final sequences are a fitting good-night from an intelligent, ballsy director who will hopefully scoop up the rights to a few more of King's unfilmed gems."

The Texas Chainsaw Massacre (2003)

"If I hadn’t already seen the original film, and wasn’t desensitized from a lifelong horror addiction, I think I might have been frightened by some of it."

Toolbox Murders

"Toolbox Murders is arguably the movie everyone has been waiting for Hooper to make since Texas Chainsaw Massacre."