Splat |
Fahrenheit 9/11 (2004) |
"Childishly simplistic... it runs in circles willy-nilly, throwing in the occasional cheap shot while breathlessly telling us stuff we already knew." |
Sean Burns |
Splat |
The Family Stone (2005) |
"Clumsy, well-meaning, and almost rescued by the amazing Diane Keaton." |
Sean Burns |
Splat |
Fantastic Four (2005) |
"If I were to put the same amount of effort into my review that the folks behind Fantastic Four expended trying to entertain you, the rest of this page would be blank." |
Sean Burns |
Tomato |
Far From Heaven (2002) |
"Haynes has so fanatically fetishized every bizarre old-movie idiosyncrasy with such monastic devotion you're not sure if you should applaud or look into having him committed." |
Sean Burns |
Splat |
The Fast and the Furious: Tokyo Drift (2006) |
"...the kind of endearingly crappy guilty pleasure that'll go down a lot easier a couple months from now on late-night cable, preferably accompanied by a six-pack and cheap pizza." |
Sean Burns |
Splat |
Feast of Love (2007) |
"It feels more like the pilot for a cable series than an actual movie. (In fact, the nicest thing you can say about Feast Of Love is there's a ton of nudity.)" |
Sean Burns |
Splat |
Fever Pitch (2005) |
"Boilerplate rom-com autopilot. Mealy-mouthed Fallon could've been a Trekkie or a member of the Kiss Army for all this movie cares about baseball." |
Sean Burns |
Splat |
Filth and Wisdom (2008) |
"As Bart Simpson once said of NAKED LUNCH, I can think of two things wrong with this title." |
Sean Burns |
Splat |
The Final Cut (2004) |
"I'm frankly amazed the foolish, cheap-looking thing didn't go straight to the Sci-Fi Channel." |
Sean Burns |
Splat |
Final Fantasy: The Spirits Within (2001) |
"The truth is, I have never seen a movie with this much exposition, and I still have no idea what was going on most of the time." |
Sean Burns |
Splat |
Find Me Guilty (2006) |
"Here's a movie so cockeyed, the fact that Vin Diesel gives a decent performance isn't even the weirdest thing about it.
" |
Sean Burns |
Splat |
Fireproof (2008) |
"People like Kirk Cameron apparently require Scriptural instruction about how to not act like a complete **** to your wife." |
Sean Burns |
Splat |
Firewall (2006) |
"Sitting through the movie feels like running out the clock -- a sensation clearly shared by Ford, who turns in one of his glummest, most listless performances yet.
" |
Sean Burns |
Splat |
Flash of Genius (2008) |
"Following a twelve-year patent dispute regarding the invention of the intermittent windshield-wiper motor, it's not as interesting as it sounds." |
Sean Burns |
Splat |
Flight of the Phoenix (2004) |
"That faint scraping sound you hear coming from the floor is Robert Aldrich rolling in his grave." |
Sean Burns |
Tomato |
The Flight of the Red Balloon (2008) |
"If you're patient enough, an affecting melancholy seeps through. Some scenes are maddeningly vague, but others wonderful and mysterious, capturing a child's plaintive wide-eyed perspective for a few gorgeous, fleeting moments." |
Sean Burns |
Tomato |
Flightplan (2005) |
"What a wonderful movie star this woman is! Clearly, the lady has no concept of 'slumming.'" |
Sean Burns |
Tomato |
Flow: For Love of Water (2008) |
"There are more than 116,000 manmade chemicals floating around our allegedly clean H2O supply. One scientist even points to the recent discovery of Prozac in Texas tap water (which, come to think of it, actually explains a lot about the Lone Star State.)" |
Sean Burns |
Splat |
The Fog of War (2003) |
"Awash in artsy-farsty tinsel, The Fog Of War is full of shiny surfaces and missed opportunities. It's the cinematic equivalent of a Sharper Image catalog." |
Sean Burns |
Tomato |
Forgetting Sarah Marshall (2008) |
"The smartest thing about Segel's script is its spirit of generosity. It's a pleasure spending time with these people, and that affection lingers after the lights come up." |
Sean Burns |
Tomato |
The Forgotten (2004) |
"...in this particular case I'm happy to value old-fashioned meat-and-potatoes genre craftsmanship over such pesky, trifling matters as logic or common sense." |
Sean Burns |
Splat |
The Fountain (2006) |
"It's tough to kick a mewing kitten, even one this stupid and ugly." |
Sean Burns |
Splat |
Four Brothers (2005) |
"Endearingly crummy. When it works, the movie has the loose, slightly screwy vibe of an early-'80s exploitation picture (something from Cannon Pictures, perhaps.)" |
Sean Burns |
Splat |
Fred Claus (2007) |
"The best children's stories are the simplest, and this one's a complicated mess." |
Sean Burns |
Splat |
Freedomland (2005) |
"For fans of Price's novel, sitting through Roth's incompetent big-screen blow-out feels like watching an old friend get kicked to death by a pack of drooling imbeciles." |
Sean Burns |
Splat |
Frida (2002) |
"...you can be forgiven for realizing that you've spent the past 20 minutes looking at your watch and waiting for Frida to just die already." |
Sean Burns |
Splat |
Friday the 13th (2009) |
"The fact that Travis Van Winkle's smarmy rich kid is a dead ringer for Michael Bay has got to be some sort of inside joke, right?" |
Sean Burns |
Splat |
From Hell (2001) |
"I know it's a cheap shot to say that the title is an apt description, but ... There, I did it anyway." |
Sean Burns |
Splat |
Frost/Nixon (2008) |
"Sometimes I worry that Ron Howard actually listens to every dumb 18-year-old drunk kid who tells him how to edit his movies" |
Sean Burns |
Tomato |
Funny Games (2008) |
"An art-punk lecture gone weirdly wrong, the film works in ways the director presumably never intended. But the nasty thing works all the same. The movie is a flawlessly engineered torture device." |
Sean Burns |
Tomato |
Funny People (2009) |
"Bitterly clear-eyed about the consequences of Apatowian perpetual adolescence, it's a dark movie that comes from somewhere deeply personal." |
Sean Burns |
Splat |
Fur: An Imaginary Portrait of Diane Arbus (2006) |
"Sexual deviancy has never been so dull." |
Sean Burns |
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