Tomato |
The Tailor of Panama (2001) |
"A broad, ribald circus flagrantly in love with the English language, The Tailor bustles with swaggering, jubilant showmanship." |
Sean Burns |
Tomato |
Taken (2009) |
"Junk, reactionary father-knows-best-because-he-used-to-murder-people-for-a-living nonsense, implicitly reinforcing all sorts of xenophobic paranoias and insidious patriarchal hierarchies. It's also absurdly entertaining." |
Sean Burns |
Splat |
Taking Lives (2004) |
"Ever wonder why movie serial killers can't just, like, shoot people or something?" |
Sean Burns |
Splat |
The Taking of Pelham 1 2 3 (2009) |
"Foolishly attempts to update the 1974 classic by cranking the volume and inflating the Noo Yawk attitude to a cartoonish level of macho posturing." |
Sean Burns |
Tomato |
Talk to Me (2007) |
"Broad as a barn door, but shamelessly entertaining..." |
Sean Burns |
Splat |
Tape (2001) |
"Isn't anybody else bothered by the fact that these digital 'films' look like used toilet paper?" |
Sean Burns |
Tomato |
Taxi to the Dark Side (2008) |
"How dark? You've probably already had some inkling but decided you didn't really want to know. The movie made me physically sick." |
Sean Burns |
Tomato |
Team America: World Police (2004) |
"The marionettes run interference with our Hollywood-formula comfort zones -- forcing a fresh look at the hateful stupidity we take for granted every weekend at the multiplex." |
Sean Burns |
Tomato |
The Terminal (2004) |
"...so visually sophisticated you could enjoy it just as much with the sound turned off." |
Sean Burns |
Tomato |
Terminator 3: Rise of the Machines (2003) |
"Super-fast, sorta dumb, often silly -- and occasionally quite wonderful." |
Sean Burns |
Tomato |
Tetro (2009) |
"A dazzling mess... it throbs with an excess of emotion and idealistic, cuckoo daring." |
Sean Burns |
Splat |
The Day the Earth Stood Still (2008) |
"Wise's original was an alarming cautionary tale, full of menace and stern warnings. The remake, as befits our times, coddles the audience, assuring us all this bad stuff will eventually work itself out. And hey, let's all go to McDonald's!" |
Sean Burns |
Splat |
Them (2007) |
"A well made, if extremely hollow, technical exercise... so wafer-thin, I'm a little wary of calling it a movie. It's more like a photographed premise." |
Sean Burns |
Tomato |
There Will Be Blood (2007) |
"...boils over with a finale so grandly insane it's like the twisted Actor's Studio version of Magnolia's climactic frog plague." |
Sean Burns |
Tomato |
The Three Burials of Melquiades Estrada (2005) |
"A loose, generous, funky little oater with a deliciously ghoulish sense of humor, it's probably the sweetest movie I've ever seen about taking a road trip with a rotting corpse." |
Sean Burns |
Splat |
THX 1138: The Director's Cut (2004) |
"The new digital meddling and a bunch of gratuitous, anachronistic effects shots only serve to make the movie even more annoying than it used to be." |
Sean Burns |
Splat |
Tim Burton's Corpse Bride (2005) |
"Tim Burton hasn't just forgotten how to tell a story-- he seems to have forgotten why he even started telling them in the first place." |
Sean Burns |
Splat |
Tokyo! (2009) |
"Anthology films are like communism or the rhythm method --things that work much better in theory than actual practice." |
Sean Burns |
Tomato |
Tony Takitani (2005) |
"It's a graceful, odd experiment... I'm still not sure if it works, but I'm glad it exists." |
Sean Burns |
Splat |
Touching the Void (2004) |
"Frankly, these two talking heads come off as perhaps the dullest people who ever cheated death.
" |
Sean Burns |
Splat |
Towelhead (2008) |
"An empty provocation that's about as classy and subtle as its title." |
Sean Burns |
Splat |
Training Day (2001) |
"The loping 1970s meanderings of the film's first acts reveal themselves as an insidious stupid plan so dependent on chance, even Bond villains wouldn't risk such a ploy." |
Sean Burns |
Splat |
Transformers (2007) |
"Most directors would be content to retire with Armaggedon as the stupidest film on their resume. Let it not be said that Michael Bay doesn't know how to top himself." |
Sean Burns |
Splat |
Transformers: Revenge of the Fallen (2009) |
"You asked for this, America." |
Sean Burns |
Tomato |
The Triplets of Belleville (2003) |
"I'm not so sure what Chomet's getting at here, or even if there's really much to be gotten at all. But the movie's a bona fide eye-popper. (Man, I wish I still smoked pot.)" |
Sean Burns |
Splat |
Tristan & Isolde (2006) |
"With a bizarre coiffure that makes him look like the lead singer of an '80s New Wave band, Franco flares his nostrils and pouts -- his performance riddled with so many Anakin-ims you'll think he's auditioning for The Hayden Christensen Story.
" |
Sean Burns |
Tomato |
Trouble the Water (2008) |
"A real-life CLOVERFIELD... only infinitely scarier." |
Sean Burns |
Splat |
Troy (2004) |
"So solemn, portentous and impersonal it calls to mind a quote from the other Homer (Simpson): 'Your movie is more boring than church.'
" |
Sean Burns |
Splat |
Twilight (2008) |
"No, it's not as bad as you think. It's actually worse." |
Sean Burns |
Splat |
Twisted (2004) |
"Anybody who doesn't feel like they've seen this movie at least three times already, raise your hand.
" |
Sean Burns |
Tomato |
Two Lovers (2009) |
"While I'll concede that on some level it's fairly absurd, I also found it impossible not to be swept up in the film's gonzo sincerity..." |
Sean Burns |
Tomato |
Tyson (2009) |
"It's like a Spalding Gray monologue performed by a maniac." |
Sean Burns |
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