Splat F |
C Me Dance (2009) |
"So relentlessly dreadful it almost needs to be seen to be believed. However, that would require 85 minutes of your time that I cannot recommend be wasted on something as ludicrous and shamefully unprofessional as this movie." |
Brian Orndorf |
Splat D+ |
Cadillac Records (2008) |
"Parts of Cadillac Records surface as warm reminders of a timeless musical era. Most of Cadillac Records comes across as a miserable Saturday Night Live skit without the benefit of a sleep-deprived audience to feign approval." |
Brian Orndorf |
Tomato B+ |
Capitalism: A Love Story (2009) |
"Whatever it lacks in a red-target focal point, it's still Moore doing what he does best: chipping away the layers of fraud that have calcified America, hoping to inspire others to storm the streets and question authority." |
Brian Orndorf |
Tomato A- |
Casualties of War (1989) |
"It's a fat glop of obvious screen manipulation that preserves a frightening human core, making the life and death struggle all the more shocking." |
Brian Orndorf |
Splat C- |
Chandni Chowk to China (2009) |
"A deafening, slapstick-drenched, exaggerated bit of hokum, Chandni is an endurance test for the Bollywood uninitiated: a curry-flavored Three Stooges comedy via The Shaw Brothers playbook." |
Brian Orndorf |
Splat C+ |
Changeling (2008) |
"Changeling is compelling and flush with outstanding period detail, yet it can't locate the brakes, skidding from nail-biting tension into watch-checking boredom all too easily." |
Brian Orndorf |
Tomato A- |
Chaos Theory (2008) |
"As long as you don't tie your giggle bib on too tight, there's an exquisite depth and unpredictability to Chaos Theory that's wonderful to observe." |
Brian Orndorf |
Tomato B+ |
Che (2008) |
"Even for Soderbergh's itchy experimental trigger finger, Che is an awesome accomplishment of atypical filmmaking scope." |
Brian Orndorf |
Tomato B+ |
Che, Part One (2008) |
"While it certainly takes its time to arrive at a destination of fate, The Argentine is worth the energy invested." |
Brian Orndorf |
Tomato B+ |
Che, Part Two (2008) |
"Coming directly after the enthralling sweep of The Argentine, it's easy to lose some faith in Soderbergh's ability to obtain a consistent pace to the picture." |
Brian Orndorf |
Splat C |
Cheetah (1989) |
"It's an exceedingly simple story using the lure of golden African locations, animal observation, and teen histrionics to coax viewers in, directed by a guy who used to craft Circle-Vision films for Epcot." |
Brian Orndorf |
Tomato B |
Cheri (2009) |
"Frears takes Hampton's wet-lipped hint and bathes the film in a booze-soaked haze of opulence and intolerance, employing masterful cinematographer Darius Khondji to deliver bold images." |
Brian Orndorf |
Tomato A |
Cherry Blossoms (2009) |
"With exquisite performances, engaging camerawork, and a compassionate story that cuts directly to bone, Blossoms is a riveting, perceptive feature film...It's an incredible motion picture." |
Brian Orndorf |
Splat D+ |
The Children of Huang Shi (2008) |
"Ah, white people. What can't they do?" |
Brian Orndorf |
Tomato B+ |
Choke (2008) |
"It's a hypnotizing picture with a delightfully gritty awareness about it. Just ignore the abyssal dramatic potholes, and Choke will offer plenty of dysfunction to chew on." |
Brian Orndorf |
Tomato B+ |
Chris & Don: A Love Story (2007) |
"It's a sentimental and loving picture, playing out as a leisurely cocktail-hour stroll through an enchanting life." |
Brian Orndorf |
Splat D+ |
The Chronicles of Narnia: Prince Caspian (2008) |
"Caspian is a visual sleeper hold from frame one; a constipated effort to erect widescreen wonderment, yet the production is missing dimension and needed narrative gusto." |
Brian Orndorf |
Splat C- |
Cirque du Freak: The Vampire's Assistant (2009) |
"Labored and often tedious, the picture is a friendly stab at Burtonesque macabre antics, but director Paul Weitz is in way over his head trying to juggle huge portions of the grotesque and the epic." |
Brian Orndorf |
Tomato B+ |
CJ7 (2008) |
"Chow loves his comedic exaggerations, and for good reason: he executes silly with dazzling skill. CJ7 might be a minutely less aggressive production from Chow, but that doesn't make it any less unreal or hilarious." |
Brian Orndorf |
Splat C- |
Cleaner (2007) |
"It's not that Cleaner is a terrible film, it just doesn't rear back and sock the viewer in the jaw like a great thriller should. It's mild sauce from the first frame to the last." |
Brian Orndorf |
Tomato A- |
Cloudy With a Chance of Meatballs (2009) |
"A magnificently executed comic fantasy. After watching a parade of hamburger hail, ice cream snowball fights, and Jell-O kingdoms, the film is sure to leave viewers starving upon exit. Armageddon never looked so delicious." |
Brian Orndorf |
Splat C |
Coco Before Chanel (2009) |
"A static, familiar romantic tragedy. It lacks electricity, and while gorgeously produced and smartly acted, the stillness of the film is often insufferable." |
Brian Orndorf |
Splat C+ |
The Collector (2009) |
"Not pretty, but for a genre that consistently gets off on a Hanna-Barbera aesthetic to shock audiences out of their allowance money, it's interesting to see primal fear put back on the screen." |
Brian Orndorf |
Splat D- |
College (2008) |
"Scenes with the boys doing body shots off a furry frat brother in extreme close-up, cleaning overflowing toilets in extreme close-up, and getting nailed with urine-filled balloons might seem like an awesome night at the movies. For me, it was agony." |
Brian Orndorf |
Splat D |
College Road Trip (2008) |
"There are only so many food fights, pig-hopped-up-on-caffeine gags, and brutal Raven-Symone improv that one person can take before madness sets in." |
Brian Orndorf |
Splat D+ |
Confessions of a Shopaholic (2009) |
"Shopaholic is a trifle with fangs; a brutally insincere, borderline sci-fi excursion into Prada-packed, "chick-lit" escapism, puffed with shameless abandon by the cast and crew." |
Brian Orndorf |
Tomato B |
Coraline (2009) |
"It's a gorgeous picture to behold, but fails to absorb smoothly, for the surreal nature of the material often overwhelms basic storytelling requirements. Coraline is an easy film to admire, but not always to watch." |
Brian Orndorf |
Splat D |
Couples Retreat (2009) |
"A comedy without any identifiable humor. Retreat is dreadful, but to consider just how many gifted performers are here treading water makes the heart sick. Ralphie, how dare you." |
Brian Orndorf |
Tomato B+ |
The Cove (2009) |
"Cove is a stirring call to arms, providing the damning dolphin massacre argument forcefully and creatively. I can't say the film will change the world, but it certainly will make those trips to Sea World more awkward." |
Brian Orndorf |
Splat D- |
Crank High Voltage (2009) |
"Yes, it's supposed to be dreadful, but it turns out that "Crank: High Voltage" is genuinely insufferable...Surely something so gleefully disgusting shouldn't have to work this hard to make an impression." |
Brian Orndorf |
Tomato A |
The Curious Case of Benjamin Button (2008) |
"There may not be the normal, anticipated dosage of sentiment to latch onto in this film, but in exchange for patience and a little faith, Button presents the exquisite weight of the human experience in a manner the screen rarely witnesses." |
Brian Orndorf |
Tomato B |
Cutthroat Island (1995) |
"Island is a one-of-a-kind, full-steam-ahead practical pirate event, and while it's bolted together with minimal attention to thespian proficiency, it sustains a special rhythm of eye candy and fortitude that makes it an enduring curiosity." |
Brian Orndorf |
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