Tomato B- |
Halloween II (2009) |
"A demented, uninhibited sequel that tears off in a vividly lunatic direction. Zombie's making this one for himself, folks, and either you succumb to the experience or every single scene is going to feel like multiplex imprisonment." |
Brian Orndorf |
Splat D |
Hamlet 2 (2008) |
"Watching Steve Coogan overact is like being pummeled bloody with a pillowcase packed tightly with frozen oranges." |
Brian Orndorf |
Tomato B+ |
The Hammer (2008) |
"Adam Carolla isn't everyone's cup of tea, but the man can sling around an acidic one-liner with the best of them, and his starring debut is a familiar, but persuasively funny brew of clichés and belly laughs." |
Brian Orndorf |
Tomato B- |
Hancock (2008) |
"Hancock is horrendously disjointed and barely manages to tell a story, but I was delighted by its charisma and Will Smith's unexpected middle-finger timing." |
Brian Orndorf |
Tomato B+ |
The Hangover (2009) |
"Restores faith in Phillips and the vulgar passions of the R-rated comedy, assembling a smutty epic of irresponsibility that handles with a certain amount of routine, but still delivers huge on laughs and knowing cringes." |
Brian Orndorf |
Splat C |
Hannah Montana The Movie (2009) |
"I might not possess the tools to compute country star cameos and vital supporting characters, but an infuriatingly slack pace doesn't need a weekend cram session of DVD box sets to detect." |
Brian Orndorf |
Splat C |
The Happening (2008) |
"Happening promises a change of pace, but the magic only lasts for a few moments, then it's all open acre isolation, media blackouts, and mysterious threats with extended, mouth-agape pauses." |
Brian Orndorf |
Tomato A- |
Hardware (1990) |
"Nearly two decades later, Hardware retains its merciless poise, and while the filmmaker has slipped into obscurity, his finest work still lunges for the throat." |
Brian Orndorf |
Splat D- |
Harold & Kumar Escape from Guantanamo Bay (2008) |
"I'd assumed I would never have to write this, but I miss the confident directorial touch of the guy who made Dude, Where's My Car?" |
Brian Orndorf |
Tomato A- |
Harry Potter and the Half-Blood Prince (2009) |
"Yates once again brings out the best in the exposition-intense material, and while he's not permitted the same amount of apocalyptic fury as before, he stylishly crafts a consistent, riveting, and optically stupendous sequel." |
Brian Orndorf |
Tomato B- |
The Haunting in Connecticut (2009) |
"Manages to break free from heavy iron genre chains and provide a spooky event that might not send the average viewer screaming out of the theater, but it could induce some heavy fingernail chewing during the ride." |
Brian Orndorf |
Splat D- |
The Haunting of Molly Hartley (2008) |
"When it comes to excruciating Halloween activities, I think I'd prefer a Milky Way/razor blade surprise to this asinine, pathetic motion picture." |
Brian Orndorf |
Splat C |
He's Just Not That Into You (2009) |
"The film is a gelatinous mess of tones and characters aching to solidify, only to find the chilly reality of dating and marriage perhaps too isolating to candidly confront." |
Brian Orndorf |
Tomato A |
Heathers (1989) |
"So grab your croquet mallet, load up on "Ich luge" bullets, and crank up the Big Fun: Heathers is a motion picture that continues to impress and disturb, even 20 years after release." |
Brian Orndorf |
Splat C- |
Heckler (2008) |
"Heckler doesn't penetrate like a proper documentary should; it's more silly than exploratory, missing a prime opportunity to crack open a dialogue between critic and performer that could generously benefit both parties." |
Brian Orndorf |
Splat C+ |
Hell Ride (2008) |
"I've never seen a film directed by a penis before. We came close with 1984's Hardbodies, but Hell Ride appears to have been fully helmed by Larry Bishop's male appendage." |
Brian Orndorf |
Splat D+ |
Henry Poole Is Here (2008) |
"A grossly obvious take on the draining push and pull of faith, the picture is warm to the touch, just not digestible or, ultimately, meaningful." |
Brian Orndorf |
Tomato B+ |
High School Musical 3: Senior Year (2008) |
"Living in a moronic Step Up world of drearily sexualized hipster dancing and manufactured anti-establishment attitudes, the skim milk allure of HSM is appreciated, offering a throwback to the sunny day spirit of a Garland/Rooney musical." |
Brian Orndorf |
Tomato B+ |
Honey, I Shrunk the Kids (1989) |
"They don't make pre-teen entertainment like this anymore, and that's a crime...retains a filmmaking purity that's timeless, aging well against a summer of now dated motion pictures." |
Brian Orndorf |
Tomato B+ |
The Horse Boy (2009) |
"Horse Boy is a valuable, stirring motion picture. It's a poignant step to understanding the mysteries of the mind and a critical, exquisite reminder of unconditional parental love." |
Brian Orndorf |
Splat C- |
Hotel for Dogs (2009) |
"The dogs carry the film appropriately, perhaps even outacting their human costars. Especially Cheadle, who should really have a long conversation with his agent about his future in worthwhile film roles." |
Brian Orndorf |
Splat D+ |
Hounddog (2008) |
"Fanning resembles an acting robot: stick a quarter in her head and she'll dial up any reaction in the book, absent the needed gravitas." |
Brian Orndorf |
Splat D |
House (2008) |
"Unsurprisingly, House fails to supply a sufficient level of fright; the picture seems content to wallow in confusion and convention, removing the novelty of faith to roll around in tired terror clichés and dreadful direction." |
Brian Orndorf |
Tomato B |
The House Bunny (2008) |
"Faris is rarity in the industry: a legitimately hilarious performer with a virtuoso sense of timing and screwball articulation." |
Brian Orndorf |
Tomato B+ |
The House of the Devil (2009) |
"Devil is generously unassuming, making the film more of a secret handshake than a blood-spattered, deafening gorefest. The attention to mood and setting is marvelous." |
Brian Orndorf |
Splat C |
How to Lose Friends & Alienate People (2008) |
"It's a silly film halfheartedly imagined, worth a sit only to watch Simon Pegg run amuck inside another movie that doesn't deserve him." |
Brian Orndorf |
Splat D+ |
Howard the Duck (1986) |
"Howard the Duck isn't quite the booming nightmare its reputation suggests, but I defy most viewers out there in DVD land to sit through the entire feature without maintaining a sweaty, alert finger on the fast-forward button." |
Brian Orndorf |
Splat D+ |
Humboldt County (2008) |
"While the concept of the movie is tuned into all those warm, important questions of purpose, the execution lacks gravity, making the picture one long, slow spiral into melodramatic hogwash." |
Brian Orndorf |
Tomato B- |
Humpday (2009) |
"A tale of gay chicken slathered with a thick coating of verbal wandering, Humpday is cute, well acted, but exceptionally trying at times, using an aesthetic reserved for realism to push across a trite frat house concept." |
Brian Orndorf |
Tomato A- |
Hunger (2008) |
"The contrast of procedural English police maneuvers with the feral panic of the Republican prisoners is riveting to witness, colored fascinatingly by McQueen's unspoken moments of reflection as both sides process the daily blasts of violence." |
Brian Orndorf |
Tomato A- |
The Hurt Locker (2009) |
"Hurt Locker is a superb achievement that not only constructs some of the finest suspense set pieces of the year, but manages to find compelling, innovative wartime psychological threads to pull at as well." |
Brian Orndorf |
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