Splat D- |
S. Darko: A Donnie Darko Tale (2009) |
"It's a spineless, careless, bizarrely unadventurous number two that would rather saddle up and rehash Kelly's original screenplay over any clear-cut attempt to cook up some juicy oddities of its own." |
Brian Orndorf |
Tomato B+ |
Savage Grace (2008) |
"Kalin treats this predatory funhouse with a soothing screen detachment, exploring the psychological injustices and oddly alluring sensuality with careful attention to the small spaces of behavior." |
Brian Orndorf |
Tomato B |
Saving Marriage (2008) |
"Enthusiastic to open minds and hearts with its multiple tales of injustice, painting a broader portrait of hope that one day all citizens of America will be lawfully regarded as equal no matter their sexual orientation." |
Brian Orndorf |
Splat D |
Saw V (2008) |
"More careful viewers might be starting to question the validity of this ongoing story: a five-film-too-long journey that has never felt more arbitrarily plotted than in the final 10 minutes of Saw V." |
Brian Orndorf |
Splat D+ |
Saw VI (2009) |
"Would it kill these producers to take a few chances for the next adventure? It's easy to loathe a Saw picture, but to be utterly bored by one seems an unpardonable offense." |
Brian Orndorf |
Splat D+ |
The Secret Life of Bees (2008) |
"Oprah Book Club: The Movie." |
Brian Orndorf |
Tomato B+ |
A Serious Man (2009) |
"A classic black comic strangling by the Coens, who leave no domestic discomfort behind. In fact, all this film contains is unease, making it a perfect itchy sweater film for those who enjoy their cinema on the suffocating side." |
Brian Orndorf |
Splat D |
Serious Moonlight (2009) |
"Hines can't twist the story into a sympathetic whole, leaving the film a mess of tartness and insensitivity that's difficult to endure. Adrienne Shelly deserved a friendlier farewell than this crummy picture." |
Brian Orndorf |
Splat C |
Seven Pounds (2008) |
"Pounds plays dirty, selecting a path of confusion to unfurl its ache, resulting in a near absence of psychological or emotional connection the movie is absolutely desperate to conjure." |
Brian Orndorf |
Splat D |
Sex and the City - The Movie (2008) |
"Certainly series devotees will find the return of the four ladies to be gift from Blahnik heaven, but the uninitiated would be best advised to bring along a cyanide pill to end this horror show quickly and painlessly." |
Brian Orndorf |
Splat D |
Sex Drive (2008) |
"It's the latest in a long string of teen sex comedies where the audience just might find themselves rooting for the STDs." |
Brian Orndorf |
Splat C |
Shag, The Movie (1989) |
"Never works itself into a suitable dramatic lather, instead relying on a wistful party atmosphere to conjure smiles from the viewer, buttered with a few dance sequences that lend the picture some liveliness." |
Brian Orndorf |
Tomato A- |
Shine a Light (2008) |
"Scorsese has an obsession with the Stones, and it's revealed in every last dizzying moment of this exceptional musical document." |
Brian Orndorf |
Splat D |
Shorts (2009) |
"Devoid of any charms; a cartoon mishmash missing fizz and ingenuity to make it bearable to any audience member crazy enough to evolve beyond a fascination with nostril functions." |
Brian Orndorf |
Splat D+ |
Shutter (2008) |
"A dreary parade of the familiar...unrelentingly boring and needlessly unimaginative." |
Brian Orndorf |
Tomato A |
Sin Nombre (2009) |
"A confident, raw feature film that continually surprises and repeatedly devastates. Sin Nombre is an outstanding motion picture." |
Brian Orndorf |
Tomato B |
Sing Now Or Forever Hold Your Peace (2007) |
"Sing Now/Wedding Weekend has a marvelous personality to it that does wonders to alleviate the problem areas that plague the script." |
Brian Orndorf |
Tomato B+ |
A Single Man (2009) |
"A disappointing third act for Single Man, but it's a wound that doesn't last for very long. There's still so much cinematographic and thespian splendor to gorge on here; the anticlimactic finale barely dents the beguiling mood." |
Brian Orndorf |
Splat C- |
The Sisterhood of the Traveling Pants 2 (2008) |
"Granted, I'm miles outside of the target demographic, and certainly Traveling Pants 2 will make for awesome pajama party fodder, but the bloodless nature of this sequel is tiresome to witness." |
Brian Orndorf |
Splat C |
Sleepwalking (2008) |
"The film is a dissection of damaged goods, but in place of a steady hand guiding matters to believable and sympathetic ends, director Bill Maher (not that one) takes the picture to unwanted extremes of behavior and guilt." |
Brian Orndorf |
Splat C+ |
Slippery Slope (2007) |
"Once the elements slip into stillborn joke mode, the results just don't inspire like a great porn comedy should." |
Brian Orndorf |
Tomato A- |
Slumdog Millionaire (2008) |
"A classic story of adversity told with outstanding passion and visual agility...it's almost guaranteed to soothe any viewer with a soft spot for beautifully sculpted contrivance." |
Brian Orndorf |
Splat D+ |
Smart People (2008) |
"The film certainly feels like it had more to say with these complex characters, only to be gutted by an undefined entity more interested in infuriating brevity than fulfilling storytelling." |
Brian Orndorf |
Splat D- |
Smother (2008) |
"Perhaps Diane Keaton was poisoned by merciless Asian gangsters with strict instructions to make two career-denting comedies that methodically peel away her integrity before she was allowed the sweet kiss of a life-saving antidote." |
Brian Orndorf |
Tomato A |
The Soloist (2009) |
"The studio would like to sell a candied inspirational story, but director Joe Wright avoids the sugared path at all turns, producing a stunning, transcendent celluloid event." |
Brian Orndorf |
Tomato A |
Son of Rambow (2008) |
"A delightfully eccentric fantasy, flush with laughs and displays of fantastical ink-stained escapism; an unforgettable triumph of heart and giggles. One of the few assuredly must-see films of 2008." |
Brian Orndorf |
Splat F |
Sorority Row (2009) |
"Imagine being trapped inside a pungent shoebox with the over-caffeinated morning shift of Forever 21 while an inept epileptic captures the small talk with a camera he lost the instruction manual for. That's Sorority Row." |
Brian Orndorf |
Splat C+ |
Soul Men (2008) |
"A funny picture, just not a consistent one, starting Bernie Mac's good-bye tour on a delightfully rowdy note, while reminding the viewer that as hilarious a man as he was, Mac had lousy taste in screenplays." |
Brian Orndorf |
Splat D+ |
Space Chimps (2008) |
"As bland matinee diversions go, Chimps isn't the worst thing to plop your child in front of, but it's hardly worth the hundreds of dollars it takes to get a family to the movie theater these days." |
Brian Orndorf |
Splat D+ |
Speed Racer (2008) |
"Speed Racer is an ocular slap, but it's strictly empty calories; a joyless, over-plotted nostalgia machine that barely limps out of the starting gate...an inert sleeping pill." |
Brian Orndorf |
Tomato B |
Splinter (2008) |
"Bloody, screamy, creepy crawly comfort food that cuddles B-movie horror convention without fatigue." |
Brian Orndorf |
Tomato B- |
Square Pegs - The Complete Series |
"Square Pegs remains an important cog in the genre. It's a worth a visit just for the haircuts, fashions, and snapshot of youthful television network innocence." |
Brian Orndorf |
Tomato A |
Star Trek (2009) |
"A sublime space adventure that flies as confidently and triumphantly as Trek ever has before. It's not only a victorious series highlight, but perhaps one of the best pictures of the year...120 minutes of unrelenting goose bumps." |
Brian Orndorf |
Tomato B- |
Star Trek V: The Final Frontier (1989) |
"Final Frontier is a warmly crafted picture only lacking a sophisticated technical and dramatic finesse the earlier features held in abundance. The film is never aggressively odious, just undernourished." |
Brian Orndorf |
Tomato B |
State of Play (2009) |
"A study of political power plays, calamitous sexual impulses, and the twilight of newspaper journalism, State of Play is riveting, sublimely acted, and sincerely intelligent...at times." |
Brian Orndorf |
Splat C+ |
Step Brothers (2008) |
"Step Brothers touches inspired insanity intermittently, it never stays put, resulting in a picture of pleasing bedlam, but never consistent bedlam." |
Brian Orndorf |
Splat D |
The Stepfather (2009) |
"100 minutes of dopey behavior and filmmaking inanity wrapped up tight in a bland, gutless PG-13 wooby, taking a proven premise and watering it down to a parade of nonsense created only to tickle gullible teen audiences." |
Brian Orndorf |
Tomato B- |
The Stoning of Soraya M. (2009) |
"The expansive dramatic approach makes sense, even at its most cringe-inducing, as Stoning is a picture created solely to disturb and provoke, not educate. With those goals in mind, the film is a smashing success." |
Brian Orndorf |
Splat D |
Stop-Loss (2008) |
"Stop-Loss features cartoonish lessons on disillusionment and irksome actors trying to blue-steel the crap out of each other." |
Brian Orndorf |
Splat D- |
The Strangers (2008) |
"Strangers is 80 minutes of screen stillness; a suspense picture powered by directorial incompetence and behavioral idiocy...a pile of tasteless genre garbage." |
Brian Orndorf |
Splat D |
Street Fighter: The Legend of Chun-Li (2009) |
"I'll take Jean-Claude Van Damme and his powder blue beret any day over this insipid, clunky, and joyless motion picture." |
Brian Orndorf |
Tomato B |
Street Kings (2008) |
"It does provide a compelling, edgy ride around the underbelly of life, worth the trip to bask in the tough-guy bloodshed and bullet-riddled nightlife of Los Angeles." |
Brian Orndorf |
Tomato A- |
Stunt Rock (1980) |
"An exceptional ride that offers thrills, grins, and an impressive argument for the supremacy of Australian cinema during the 1970s...The blast of wizard-sleeve hellfire and teeth-rattling metal sludge is irresistible." |
Brian Orndorf |
Splat C+ |
Sugar (2009) |
"It seems Fleck and Boden didn't have much of a game plan for the main character off the mound after all, and this wearying aimlessness waters down the tension of Sugar's rapidly imploding life, grinding the film to a disappointing halt." |
Brian Orndorf |
Tomato B |
Sukiyaki Western Django (2008) |
"You haven't lived until you've heard a Japanese actor use the phrase 'Whistling Dixie' in a sentence" |
Brian Orndorf |
Tomato B+ |
Sunshine Cleaning (2009) |
"Because Adams and Blunt bring their best to the roles, the feature carefully avoids the pitfalls of convention, becoming a familiar story executed with unexpected gravitas." |
Brian Orndorf |
Tomato B |
Super High Me (2008) |
"Doug Benson is a funny guy, heartily working his laidback wit and weed-centric material to great effect, cracking up the crowds and endearing himself to the stoner underground." |
Brian Orndorf |
Splat F |
Superhero Movie! (2008) |
"Superhero Movie deserves a special place in the burning fires of Hell, where lazy writing, insipid direction, and an unforgivable eagerness towards bottom-feeding stupidity can roast along with the rest of the spoof genre's recent offerings." |
Brian Orndorf |
Splat D+ |
Surfer, Dude (2008) |
"I wish the finished product was as amusing as the behind-the-scenes pot-fueled merriment I imagine took place during production." |
Brian Orndorf |
Tomato B+ |
Surfwise (2008) |
"Surfwise is a captivating documentary highlighted by some significant scenes of naked confession and an overall portrait of misplaced intelligence...a powerful document of familial agitation and disillusionment." |
Brian Orndorf |
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