Belated as always, or as I call it, fashionably late, it’s time once again to put the magnifying glass to the cinematic year. So while 2008 wasn’t the artistically daring year that 2007 shaped up to be, it was still a fairly decent year for film as a whole. This will be my tenth year reviewing movies. It’s hard to believe, but I started typing out film reviews at the age of 17, and now I feel like I...More
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arkRed">Belated as always, or as I call it, fashionably late, it’s time once again to put the magnifying glass to the cinematic year. So while 2008 wasn’t the artistically daring year that 2007 shaped up to be, it was still a fairly decent year for film as a whole. This will be my tenth year reviewing movies. It’s hard to believe, but I started typing out film reviews at the age of 17, and now I feel like I cannot stop if I tried. In honor of this critical milestone, I have decided to look back to previous yearly write-ups to add depth to the history of my love affair with my mistress, the movies. I cannot say for certain how many reviews I’ve written in those soon-to-be ten years, let alone how many words that I’ve written, but what follows is a peek into my maturing critical soul. Enjoy and here’s to ten more years and then some (forgive the on and off-again color, I am too lazy to fix html code). arkRed">
arkRed"> PART ONE: THE 10 BEST AND WORST FILMS OF 2008 I usually miss some of the more obscure or limited release films every year when I compos my Top Ten lists. I just thought, for once, it would be nice to have a finalized version after I had actually seen all the movies I intended to. So, my 2007 finalized Top Ten follows, and then it’s on to the highs and lows of 2008. Revised Best Movies of 2007 list: 10) Waitress 9) Sweeney Todd 8) Grindhouse 7) Michael Clayton 6) Persepolis 5) No End in Sight/ Taxi to the Dark Side 4) Knocked Up 3) No Country for Old Men 2) The Assassination of Jesse James by the Coward Robert Ford 1) Once BEST MOVIES OF THE YEAR Editor’s note: Notable exceptions I still have yet to see from 2008 include Revolutionary Road, Synecdoche, New York, Rachel Getting Married. 10) Milk The biopic of America's first openly gay elected official is stirring, thoughtful, and occasionally limited. Sean Penn gives a wonderful performance as the captivating and tragic Harvey Milk, assassinated in 1978 by fellow San Francisco councilman Dan White (Josh Brolin). He changes his look, his voice, how he carries his shoulders and moves his arms; it's a terrific and transformative performance that only sometimes hits a few fey stereotypes. The movie mostly follows Milk's path as a community organizer who successfully mobilized the gay rights movement. You'll witness local politics in depth, and that's my one reservation with this fine film - it focuses too heavily on the political formation of a movement and less on the man that kick-started it. You get little glimpses of Milk the man, and most of those glimpses happen to be his romantic relationships with annoying men. That said, director Gus Van Sant orchestrates real archival footage from the time including protestors and homophobic spokespeople, and it gives the movie an authentic relevancy. The deadly confrontation between Milk and White is played in a painful, very un-Hollywood approach that made me wince hard. It's amazing to watch Milk and realize how far the American public has come since the 1970s and how much further we, as a nation, have to go. 9) Slumdog Millionaire It's like City of God and Forrest Gump had a baby that was raised by Oliver Twist. The film is given a dynamic energy thanks to director Danny Boyle's exuberant camerawork and skillful style. Boyle is a director that knows how to make images jump and Slumdog feels like it is coursing with life. The feel-good fantasy nature of the rags-to-riches plot is offset by some pretty harrowing violence, and Boyle makes great pains to show the realities of living in squalor. Slumdog Millionaire is a thrilling, funny, and triumphant story that courses with lively electricity, thanks to the deft direction of Danny Boyle. This movie is enormously entertaining while still baring a social conscious about the plight of those impoverished, though I hope people don't get the mistaken idea that all that character-building impoverished life styles will lead to future fortunes like Jamal. The movie is hopeful and uplifting while also balancing tense violence and improbable circumstances. While I'm not onboard with the critics calling this the best film of 2008, it has some minor flaws in approach to storytelling and character, Slumdog Millionaire has all the right markings to be a crowd-pleasing sensation. There's a magic feeling to the film that definitely takes hold of the audience, an uplift that channels smiles and gasps of joy. While I'll still credit Millions as Boyle's best film since Trainspotting, his work on Slumdog is deserving of praise. I don't know if another director could have made a film with so many contradictory elements (feel-good flick with child prostitutes?) run so smoothly. 8) Let the Right One In This is a pre-teen vampire love story that is miles away from Twilight folks; it's solemn, mature, stark, violent, tense, and astoundingly ambiguous. Director Tomas Alfredson pares down the emotions and the entire film takes on a very reserved and curious atmosphere, which I feel heightens the sense of wonder and dread about a supernatural romance. The relationship between 12-year-old Oskar (Kare Hedebrant) and 12-year-old looking vampire girl Elie (Lina Leandersson) is entirely believable and constantly intriguing, as key information is doled out like breadcrumbs. Oskar is negotiating puberty and Elie is well aware of what awaits. The movie works as an example of methodical horror where emphasis is placed upon anticipation and the imagination. The climax at a community pool is one of the best film finishes of the year. I was a tense ball of nerves, and I love the movie's closing shot. Even better, the movie works as an intriguing and intricate drama about human relationships. I can revisit Let the Right One In and dub it an unconventional and moving romance. Or I can revisit the film and dub it a melancholy examination of a manipulative and parasitic relationship, as Oskar might be doomed to a fated life like Elie's former guardian. And then there's a brief glimpse below the waist (no need to feel gross, it's a doll in real life) that provides another revelation that calls for more long-ranging critical analysis. Really, I can keep revisiting this Swedish horror film and discover more to discuss and diagram each time. And I didn't need a single scene where the vampires played super hero baseball games. 7) Tropic Thunder Tropic Thunder is a wildly funny movie that takes no prisoners when it comes to its sprawling satire. Ben Stiller and company cut down the self-absorbed lifestyle and mentality inside the film industry and insecure actors. The film really shares the spotlight and each actor provides something different and welcome, and there isn't a weak link in the bunch. Robert Downey Jr. gives a brilliant comedic performance that will be long remembered. Downey elevates every scene he steps into and gives a performance, like the film, that is densely layered with comedy. He never breaks character even when the cameras aren't filming and even when he's alone. He's two steps removed; channeling a performance as a heralded Australian actor playing his idea of a 1970s black male. It's a comedy that has the potential to leave you aching from slapstick humor one second and biting satire the next. This feels like a complete comedy and not merely a series of sketches. Every character has an arc, some great moments, and each actor brings something different and something wonderful to the fray. The movie is rude, crude, stupid, smart, and all over the place thanks to such a broad comic canvass. It took many years for Stiller to finally get Tropic Thunder off the ground but the wait was worth it. This is a rare comedy that eels loose, hits hard, and may warrant multiple viewings just to catch all the jokes-within-jokes. This is a movie with plenty on its mind, perhaps too much, but I wish more comedies were as well executed and skillful in their gags about gas passing. 6) Doubt You know you're in for some intellectual and moral ambiguity when the opening sermon covers the nature of doubt. Doubt follows a New York head nun (Meryl Streep) in 1964 that suspects one of the new parish priests (Philip Seymour Hoffman) of having an inappropriate relationship with a young male student. The acting by the four principal actors is phenomenal. This is a showcase of stellar acting. Streep is ferocious and unwavering, a one-woman wrecking ball, and yet she still manages to make an antagonistic character empathetic: she's doing what she feels is right to protect her students. Are unethical deeds acceptable in a righteous pursuit? Does she truly believe her convictions, or is Streep striking back against an entrenched hierarchy that diminishes her value? There is a clear resentment between some of the nuns and the array of priests with all the power and all the say. Naturally, in a he-said she-said molestation case, the audience is more likely to side with the funny, caring, progressive priest than the scary nun who detests ballpoint pens and Frosty the Snowman. In the end, the accusations aren't cleared up and the film lets the audience debate the results. Director/writer John Patrick Shanley adapts from his acclaimed stage play and does a mostly fine job bringing it alive on screen, though he has a penchant for relying on really simplistic visual metaphors. The supporting cast rises up to Streep's level, notably Viola Davis as the mother of the boy accused of being mishandled. Note to future students of acting: study Davis' 10 minutes of screen time to see how a truly talented thespian displays a range of conflicted emotions, none of them feeling inauthentic or cheap. Doubt isn't just one of the best-acted films of the year but also one of the best, period, and I have little doubt to that. 5) The Wrestler There isn't a note in The Wrestler that feels misplaced or a moment of drama that feels false or contrived. The scenes of emotional revelation feel genuine and aren't delivered with deliberate emphasis, like Randy's (Mickey Rourke) moving speech where he tells his neglected daughter how rotten of a father he was, which he accepts bitterly, but he pleads to fashion enough understanding just for his little girl not to hate him. The Wrestler skews against convention and ends on its own terms, following the fated trajectory of its tragic hero. This isn't a generic or sentimental tale of uplift and redemption. Rourke is the role. It is a perfect marriage of actor and character. The character of Randy is the latest in the long film tradition of the noble loser that must fight to reclaim his victory, which makes for a deeply empathetic experience. The Wrestler is a rich and engrossing character study that aches and wheezes with the pain of real life. The film takes after its star and proves to be quiet, unassuming, brutally honest, and deeply affecting. This is a surprising, heartfelt, and equally heartbreaking movie that finds many truths through the self-dawning of its title hero. It's not the wrestling matches that I'll remember most, no sir. I will remember the small interludes, like Randy dancing with his daughter, the beer he shares with Cassidy (Marisa Tomei) as they lament the 1990s, the love and brotherhood backstage between with the wrestling opponents, Randy delighting the kids in his trailer park by pretending to fight them. Randy may not find solace or stability outside the ring but the people around him prove that Randy was bigger than "The Ram." 4) The Dark Knight The Dark Knight has less in common with other superhero series and should be considered a modern crime drama. It has more in common with Heat than with Spider-Man. Even compared to co-writer/director Christopher Nolan's excellent Batman Begins, this is the first Batman film that feels like it occurs in a real city in our own reality. This is a movie about symbols and ideals and about the tenets of civilization. Believe the hype because everything you've read and heard about Ledger's performance is the gospel truth. The actor vanishes completely underneath the gnarly latex scars, stringy hair, and smeared makeup. He transforms into this menacing figure and he makes Jack Nicholson look like a circus clown in comparison. He's creepy and funny in a totally demented and spooky way, but he almost comes across like a feral creature that enjoys toying with his prey. Ledger fully inhabits his character and brings a snarling ferocity to the role. The movie presents an arsenal of mature questions and rarely gives absolute answers. This is an intense, epic crime thriller with a labyrinthine plot that is packed with emotion, subtext, philosophy, penetrating open-ended questions, and genuine nerve-racking tension. It's hard for me even to think of this movie as a super hero flick despite that fact that it's about a billionaire in a rubber suit. This is an engrossing modern crime drama that just so happens to have people in weird costumes. Nolan and his brother have crafted a stirring addition to, not just the Batman canon, but to cinema as a whole. Ledger's character is the driving force behind the film, the man that makes everyone else react, and his incredibly daring and haunting performance will stand as a last reminder of what talent was lost to the world when he passed away. 3) Reprise I was impressed by the Scandinavian artistic output this year. This very New Wave-styled Norwegian film manages to be thoughtful and intelligent, stylish without being vapid, touching, and it brilliantly captures the exuberance of youth on the cusp of adapting into maturity. Reprise follows two best friends and aspiring writers; Phillip finds success immediately but cannot handle it, and Erik must fight through rejections. Director/co-writer Joachim Trier (cousin to Lars) has given the film a hypnotic triptych narrative structure, meaning there are flashbacks, flash forwards, flashbacks within flashbacks, and the viewer is best advised to just succumb to the thrills of the narrative and sort it all out later. The structure made me feel totally immersed in the lives of this small unit of 20-somethings. You get a lifetime of detail thanks to the tangential narrative structure and the help of an occasional narrator. The film has a remarkably deft touch when it comes to crafting realistic characters; the pangs of uncertainty, jealousy, and insecurity all ring true without being trite or obvious. But the movie never gets dour or pretentious as it covers weighty topics. The movie also has an indelible energy that is hard to ignore. Reprise is playfully edited and constantly moving, sometimes forward, sometimes backwards, sometimes telling us a possible scenario that sounds better than reality. I found several small moments to be provocative, like Phillip trying to replicate the happy memories of time and place by trying to restage a photo of his girlfriend with his girlfriend (a lovely Viktoria Winge). Reprise is full of small tender moments that speak volumes. This is a terrific film brimming with life and verve and clearly targets Trier as an inspiring filmmaker to watch. 2) Dear Zachary: A Letter to a Son About his Father Dear Zachary: A Letter to a Son About His Father is an extremely personal movie, but it's also a gut-wrenching, emotionally devastating film that will completely empty out your tear ducts. As an ardent fan of film, I cannot fully advise doing some research on the real-life case before seeing the movie, but those with less strong sensibilities may be better off knowing what they are going to be in for. This film is emotionally draining and infuriating, but it is also unquestionably one of the best films of the year, bar none. Just thinking back on it makes me have to fight back tears. Filmmaker Kurt Kuenne decided to make a movie that would serve as a living testimony to the life of his departed friend. He traveled the nation, interviewing scads of friends and relatives about what Andrew meant to them. The documentary is only 90-some minutes but Kuenne packs lots of information and interviews into a small space of time. In fact, Kuenne serves as director, writer, narrator (he occasionally even gets choked up), composer, but his work as editor is the most accomplished. Through teams of interviews and home movies, Kuenne is able to bring Andrew to life in a manner where an ordinary audience member feels like they know the guy. Dear Zachary is a documentary that needs to be seen to be believed, and it desperately and deservedly needs to be seen. This potent doc is emotionally wrenching and will stir up great anger, which might just point lynch mobs toward our bewildered neighbors to the North. But Kuenne's film isn't just a sad movie that requires a few boxes of tissue at hand. No, Dear Zachary is also inherently a very life-affirming tale about the long reach of human goodness. While the Academy has already left Dear Zachary off its shortlist for the Best Documentaries of 2008, I doubt you'll find a more stirring and heart-breaking story in documentary form. And the best film of 2008 is... [center]arkRed">  [/center]arkRed"> 1) WALL-E I have seen this movie over ten times now, and let me say it still feels like I'm watching it for the first time. This is a beautiful story told in a beautiful way in a beautiful looking movie. I imagine kids will be tickled by the funny robots but I really believe that this film will play much better for adults, and when was the last time a mainstream, American family film did that? If you told me that a film that takes place on a trash-filled Earth, with minimal dialogue, and a romance between two robots would be the most thrilling, moving, and wonderful film of 2008, I would have scoffed. The film has such a huge and vibrant heart. More is said in indecipherable robot bleeps than in much of the tripe Hollywood calls dialogue. Watching WALL-E court EVE, a bit unsuccessfully at first, begins as cute, moves into being adorable, and ends up being greatly touching and flirting with the profound. How many other movies, let alone romances, end with the long-desired climax of two characters merely holding hands? This movie is a delight from beginning to end and a classic example of the power of expert storytelling. And yet even though WALL-E is primarily a love story the film also manages to be greatly exciting and equally funny. WALL-E is a wonderful love story, a heartfelt and immensely charming character piece, and a thrilling sci-fi tale that soars to broad heights of imagination. It's timeless while still being rather timely thanks to its environmental message. Moments after the movie was over I wanted to see it again. This is a phenomenal movie that will stand the test of time as one of the greats. Honorable mention: Frost/Nixon, Kung Fu Panda, Bigger, Stronger, Faster*, Forgetting Sarah Marshall Previous Best Pictures of the Year: 2007: Once 2006: United 93 2005: Murderball 2004: Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind 2003: Lost in Translation 2002: (tie) City of God, Spirited Away 2001: Moulin Rouge! 2000: Requiem for a Dream 1999: American Beauty WORST MOVIES OF THE YEAR 10) In the Name of the King: A Dungeon Siege Tale This was somewhat of a banner year for director Uwe Boll. One of his 2008 releases, Postal, didn’t actual merit a place on this list, despite the fact that it opens with a joke involving terrorists crashing a plane into a skyscraper. That is the first time Boll has released a movie that did not find a spot in the ten worst movies of the year list. But it wouldn’t be a worst of the year list without Boll’s presence, now would it? The wordy Lord of the Rings rip-off, In the Name of the King, is high-class camp. Boll achieves a workable level of derisive enjoyment that manages to keep the movie entertaining even while its spins into stupidity. Fantasy is just not Boll's preferred territory and it mostly shows. He really wants to make his own entry in the style of Lord of the Rings, but you can tell his mind is elsewhere. The plot is a mess but that isn't indicative of Boll's lack of interest with the film, it's just indicative of a typical Boll movie. I just don't sense that Boll's heart was truly in this venture. In the Name of the King seems to be the last time I think we'll see Boll flirt with mainstream Hollywood genre filmmaking. I think his time luring known actors has come to a merciful end. In the Name of the King will stand as a ridiculous Lord of the Rings rip-off that has some workable action alongside its many laughably awful moments. Even for a $60 million film, Boll finds new ways to prove that no matter what sized budget the man has he will always try to grasp something beyond his reach. 9) The Love Guru While never approaching the realm of good, I'll admit that Mike Myers' latest is not the cinematic abomination is has been hailed. I laughed a few times, though rare. Myers' brand of comedy mixes puns, juvenile bathroom humor, slapstick, celebrity cameos (Ben Kingsley, why?!) and a certain level of self-aware absurdity (I don't think Myers has found a penis joke that he didn't enjoy). I feel that the comedy world has moved beyond Myers' once popular brand of yuks. Thanks to Judd Apatow, we've transitioned to smart and tender character-based comedies. The threadbare plot relies takes too many self-indulgent and lazy detours. Why do we have to endure Guru Pitka (Myers) sing "More Than Words"? It's not funny and just wastes time. Here's an example of the lack of thought: Pitka wears a chastity belt but he can still get injured being hit in the groin. It's a movie that doesn't even remember its own gags. I'm always wary when a movie resorts to extended scenes of the characters cracking up and adding lines like, "I haven't laughed this hard in a long time." I have no qualms over crude comedy but it needs to be done with some planning to context and character. Watching someone get hit in the face with urine is not funny. Having pint-sized Verne Troyer get hit in the head is not funny the 80th time it happens. The movie never even satirizes the self-help industry. The Love Guru is too indulgent, too forced, too pun-heavy, too ill conceived, and far too stupid to succeed. I never thought I'd say this in a comedy that includes Myers, Stephen Colbert, Jim Gaffigan, John Oliver, Daniel Tosh, and Romany Malco, but Justin Timberlake is the funniest man on the screen as a daffy French-Canadian goalie. And would someone please stop hiring Jessica Alba for anything that involves speaking. 8) 10,000 B.C. This is a colossally stupid movie. This movie almost does a disservice to the word "stupid." Director Roland Emmerich spins a host of clichés and prays it's enough to stage some pre-history visual wonders. The movie's visuals are certainly pleasing to the eye, but the plot and characters are totally vacant. The characters are one-dimensional morons. It's not even worth mentioning what the numerous historical inaccuracies are (Egypt wasn't even settled until 7,000 B.C.) because it would be less time consuming to simply state the historical accuracy the film presents. 10,000 B.C. makes Quest for Fire look like a documentary. Even worse, 10,000 B.C. is a total bore. The only way something this silly and gleefully historically inaccurate could work is if it offered some adventure thrills. 10,000 B.C. seems to sputter for long stretches, having characters assemble and depart and walk and speak their ridiculous caveman speak (Note to all filmmakers: if you are going to make a movie that predominantly features cavemen then do not give them any speeches). The pacing is rather slack and the action sequences, when they do occur, aren't very well developed, hoping to leave their mark with plenty of long shots. Several action sequences are doomed from their very conception, like the laughable giant ostriches eating people. The movie is so damn serious that all of the stupid, silly adventure heroics come across as downright insufferable. I cannot possibly sit through a 1 hour 45 minute film that deals with pet saber tooth tigers, traveling across the entire continent of Africa by foot at record speed, and giant freaking killer ostriches and have the movie try to uphold a serious reality. It's insulting and a waste of time. No movie in the history of mankind will ever be serious as long as it has a killer ostrich. 10,000 B.C. would classify as camp if it weren't so resoundingly boring. 7) Over Her Dead Body This is abysmal comedy from beginning to end. It peaks in the second minute when Eva Longoria-Parker's shrewish character is killed by a large angelic ice sculpture. It's all down hill from there, my friends. Longoria-Parker stars as a deceased bride who won't let her still-living fiancé (Paul Rudd) find happiness. The bland comedy could have more accurately been retiled, "Cockblock from Beyond the Grave" (it was at one time titled Ghost Bitch). I have no idea why Rudd is apart of this travesty and seeing him do his trademark smirk and shoulder shrug just made me weep. The comedy is nails-on-the-chalkboard obvious. There is nothing smart, clever, or interesting within any of this movie's 95 minutes. Writer Jeff Lowell (John Tucker Must Die) felt the need to direct as well because clearly there was no one else on this planet that could interpret his artistic vision. Longoria-Parker is powerfully obnoxious and egotistical until her last-minute personal epiphany that others deserve to be happy too. What did Rudd ever see in this ghost bitch? 6) Street Kings This is a wildly overwrought and sleazy drama is hoping to come across as edgy but everything is so overdone. It fulfills all the requisite elements of the modern crime picture; double crosses, forlorn anti-heroes, bloody violence, but Street Kingsmisses the mark big time when it comes to any nuance. Every beat of this murky, convoluted dirty cops mystery is plain and obvious. If you cannot guess within minutes who the eventual culprits will be then you haven't seen enough movies. Every character is a cliché of a cliché, every unrestrained actor is constantly speaking in nothing but exclamation marks, and the dialogue is some of the worst I've heard all year. Keanu Reeves is a listless leading man who is blank and lifeless, unable to wrestle the dark and complicated emotions needed for a "cop on the edge" role. I can practically feel Forest Whitaker's spittle every time he speaks. Street Kings feels like a route retread of rogue cop pictures, which are director David Ayer's specialty. It wants to shine a light on the seedy underbelly of the law but it can't stop from feeling like a lobotomized version of L.A. Confidential (Note to Ayer: Jay Mohr + mustache = an arrangement that benefits neither party). 5) 88 Minutes The serial killer thriller 88 Minutes actually began filming during the fall of 2005 (!). It was released in the United States well after it had been available on DVD in Europe for over a year. After watching all 108 minutes of 88 Minutes, it's easy to see why the studio and the film's astounding 20 producers (!!) were trying to hide this from public eyes. Dr. Gramm (Al Pacino) gets a phone call saying he has 88 minutes to live. First off, the time frame doesn't work at all. 88 minutes is too short a time frame to do crack investigation, and Dr. Gramm runs all over the city of Seattle at least three times without getting caught in any gridlock. The movie establishes a real-time ticking clock but then decides to follow a different set of time. 88 Minutes has no characters, only red herrings. Each of the numerous supporting characters is given the chance to act suspiciously and for no real good reason. Gramm takes his turn going through accusing nearly every supporting character he comes across as being in league with Forster. The screenplay even establishes characters, like the painfully named Guy LaForge, who serves no purpose other than to wear a leather jacket and squint in backgrounds. Forget anything approaching characterization, because writer Gary Scott Thompson (The Fast and the Furious) has created a script that is woeful in every department, including thrills. The reveal of the killer is mishandled, as is most every plot point. This is a complete laughable mess that would have been just another half-rate direct-to-TV movie airing late nights on cable channels were it not for Pacino's sad involvement. 4) Seed Uwe Boll’s third 2008 release is his worst film since 2005’s Alone in the Dark. This is a dull slasher movie and Seed (William Sanderson, in his SEVENTH Boll movie)is about as dull as killers can be. His main attributes are that he's a huge guy with a sack on his head, which is kind of similar to about 1000 different slasher movies. When it comes to horror movies, building an atmosphere is essential but there's a notable difference between building dread and simply killing time. Boll does not know this difference. It may be hard to notice for some, but Uwe Boll is actually improving as a filmmaker, at least from a technical standard. Seed looks like an actual movie. Seedis grisly and nihilistic and futile. The killer is a bore and the story is poorly structured, taking far too long to get Seedin the ground and wrecking havoc. Boll's screenwriting shortcomings are fully evident as he strings together genre clichés and ridiculous plot points that obliterate credibility. He grasps at making statements about the human capacity for cruelty. Well I didn't need a Uwe Boll movie to educate me on man's inhumanity to man, especially one this shoddy and empty. This movie isn't even entertaining; it's a chore to sit through. This is the first Boll movie that I sat just waiting for it to be over. There is no reason to watch this thing. During the extended scenes of torture video watching by the police, one of the cops watches a baby decompose and replies, "Sick bastard." I think Boll was projecting here. 3) The Hottie and the Nottie This should come as no surprise, though perhaps the surprise is that there were other movies worse this year than garish spectacle celebrating the vanity of Paris Hilton. The film tries to champion a misguided message but fails miserably. There's some lip service paid to inner beauty but Nate (Joel Moore) never sees the "nottie" as a "hottie" until she starts to physically transform and reconfigure her body. He remains shallow until the ugly girl meets the demands of others. Then there's the whole concept of Hilton as a moral character who advisees the less physically gifted of the species that the secret to love and happiness is to be your self. Paris Hilton telling others to just be themselves? What kind of ridiculously hypocritical message is that? This woman's vaginal canal gets more traffic than the Holland Tunnel. The comedy is excruciating. The Hottie and the Nottie is physically nauseating to watch. I've written before that there's a difference between gross-out and just gross, and this movie doesn't seem to understand this. I nearly vomited after seeing an infected toenail land in some guy's mouth. Snot bubbles, varicose veins, gnarly teeth, extreme acne, and overgrown hair are not comedy without context. Presented alone, they compose a vile health department slide show. There's nothing funny in just being gross. I've heard complaints that The Hottie and the Nottie would be viewed more fairly if Hilton was not the lead but I argue that Hilton and the film are inescapable. She served as an executive producer on the film and approved the material, so of course it's going to flatter her and present numerous situations where Hilton can strut and pose in revealing outfits. She's less of a character than a loop of masturbatory fodder. But you could even get that for free elsewhere; Lord knows this woman isn't shy about her body. This is just a sad, icky film that serves one purpose: to stroke Hilton's vanity. But remember kids, just be your self. 2) Expelled: No Intelligence Allowed Ben Stein narrated this flatfooted documentary that sought to expose the persecution he felt that proponents of Intelligent Design faced in the scientific community. Stein doesn't try very hard to disguise his interview style, which includes him leading his interview subjects and lobbing softball questions like, "Intelligent Design is just Creationism, right," and the audacious, "What was the purpose of the concentration camps?" I think it is telling that the interview subjects are not given lengthy reactions and are not pressed into actually presenting what Intelligent Design proof that exists. In contrast, the evolutionary scientists interviewed are intercut with clips of Nazis and Communists soldiers. I don't even think Michael Moore would have chosen to go that obvious, manipulative route. The film is heavy-handed propaganda, sure, but man oh man does it just take an ugly turn in its last third. Ben Stein eventually makes the leap from evolution to … wait for it … Nazism and the extermination of those less desirable. racism or anti-Semitism. And what about all the countries in the world that have embraced evolution as science and not gassed millions of people? But Stein persists in trying to attach the Holocaust and Nazism to evolution. To me, this is like blaming The Catcher in the Rye for shooting John Lennon in the head. Expelled never makes the case for why Intelligent Design should be taught, merely that it is unfair to exclude it from the classroom. Stein and his interview subjects say that there are problems with evolution but then they never even articulate what those problems are. The movie presents contradictions, logic fallacies, and some disconcerting guilt-by-association arguments that border on exploitation. Even though I disagree with its ideology, from a filmmaking standpoint this film falls apart. The topic of evolution's relationship to religion deserves a thoughtful and intelligent movie. Expelled is not it. And the worst film of 2008 is..... [center]arkRed">   [/center]arkRed"> 1) Meet the Spartans/ Disaster Movie My friend Drew said that counting the annual spoofs by writer/directors Jason Friedberg and Aaron Seltzer was unfair. “They don’t even qualify as movies,” he argued. Oh, if only he were completely right. Meet the SpartansandDisaster Movie would be hard-pressed to fit the definition of a movie, no matter how generous you are with the term. True, it is a collection of moving pictures, but surely we must have greater stipulations for our movie going entertainment. The actual flick is only 65 minutes long, barely a little over an hour, and then it's crammed with 15 minutes of outtakes and needless extra scenes to be strewn over the credits. I should be more upset by the total transparent laziness to even construct a film of suitable length, but every minute I was spared more of this junk was an act of divine mercy. Disaster Movie was put on the fast track and was in production before many of the movies it deems worthy of attack were even released. As a result, it seems that the fail twins were watching trailers for upcoming movies and hedging their bets on what would be popular. This explains why they mention movies that made no cultural impact and flopped at the box-office, like Speed Racer and The Love Guru. As expected, Friedberg and Seltzer apply their shallow level of comedy to the movies caught in their crosshairs. These guys simply don't understand the difference between reference and parody, and once again they deluge an audience with cheap references to other movies and the reference is designed to be the joke. But wait; to prove how in touch they are, Friedberg and Seltzer have used their SECOND SPOOF MOVIE OF THIS YEAR to include jokes about Michael Jackson being a pedophile. Oh my good graces, how do these guys come up with such cutting-edge and timely material in the year 2008? Meet the Spartans and Disaster Movie are is pop culture vomit. No, this is worse, this is cinematic diarrhea. It's watery pop culture discharge masquerading as entertainment. This movie is offensive to anyone that appreciates laughter. This film and its ilk are offensive to mankind. And plus, it's just not funny people, not in the slightest. There's no wit here, no comedic payoffs, no running gags (besides gay jokes), no thought or upheaval of convention; instead, this movie is a lazy, cheap catalogue of pop culture events. Just as I said in my review of Epic Movie, Friedberg and Seltzer must be stopped at all costs if comedy is to survive. Sorry Drew, but as long as they two hacks keep making movies they will likely have the worst film of the year slot guaranteed. Dishonorable mention : Fireproof, An American Carol, Fool’s Gold, Semi-Pro Previous Worst Pictures of the Year: 2007: Epic Movie 2006: Grandma's Boy 2005: Alone in the Dark 2004: The Forgotten 2003: Gigli 2002: Crossroads 2001: Freddy Got Fingered 2000: Battlefield Earth 1999: The Mod Squad PART TWO: VARIOUS AWARDS AND ACCOLADES Best titles of the year: In Search of a Midnight Kiss, Pineapple Express, Hamlet 2, Burn After Reading, Where God Left His Shoes. Worst titles of the year: The Hottie and the Nottie, Where in the World is Osama bin Ladin?, Indiana Jones and the Kingdom of the Crystal Skull, The Happening, College, Quantum of Solace. Titles that could be confused with porn: My Blueberry Nights, Bigger, Stronger, Faster, The Foot Fist Way, Midnight Meat Train, Let the Right One In, and … naturally, Zack and Miri Make a Porno. Previous best titles that could be confused with porn : 2007: Hot Fuzz, Black Snake Moan 2006: Inside Man, Eight Below, Stick It, You, Me, and Dupree 2005: Grizzly Man, The World's Fastest Indian 2004: 13 Going on 30, Super Size Me, Along Came Polly 2003: View From the Top, All the Real Girls, The Italian Job 2002: Igby Goes Down, XXX, Brown Sugar, Full Frontal Hat Attack: The Duchess is a costume drama but it’s also a Big Hat movie that puts other hat movies to shame. There are gigantic floppy hats, hats that look like fruit displays, hats that look like eighteen-layer cakes, hats that look like they have their own hat, hats with feathers zigging and zagging in every direction, and hats that look like they are consuming their host's heads. If you work in the haberdashery industry or have an above average interest in hats and hat-related products, then run, don't walk to The Duchess. You will be enraptured by the orgy of towering hats that jostle for screen time. Rarely are women seen without hats, so you truly will get your hat money's worth over the course of the film's two hours. If there were a specific Oscar category for Hat and Hat-like Accoutrement then The Duchess would dominate. [center]  [/center] arkRed"> The Best 10 Minutes of 2008: Watching the breathtaking footage of an effete Frenchman walk a tightrope between the World Trade Center towers in the award-studded documentary Man on Wire. I’m fairly so-so on the rest of the movie, but the footage is breathtaking. Runner’s-up : Tony Stark becomes Iron Man; the KISS army enters live action role playing, Role Models. Previous winners: 2007: Bathhouse fight to the death, Eastern Promises. 2006: The unblinking camera in Children of Men. 2005: Kong vs. T-rex vs. T-rex vs. T-rex, King Kong. 2004: The concluding car chase in The Bourne Supremacy. Best Film I Saw in 2008 (that wasn’t released in 2008): Taxi to the Dark Side. Even though this jarring, eye-opening documentary was released in early 2008, it won the Oscar for the Best documentary of 2007. Therefore, I feel it ineligible for this year's consideration. However, Taxi makes a fabulous companion piece to go along with the equally excellent and inflammatory 2007 Iraq War doc, No End in Sight. Previous winners: 2007: The Lives of Others 2006: Match Point 2005: Howl's Moving Castle 2004: Bad Santa 2003: City of God 2002: Donnie Darko Biggest Disappointment: Indiana Jones and the Kingdom of the Crystal Skull. First off, I lived in New Haven, Connecticut for over a year with my wife, and the week after we moved away they filmed the motorcycle chase in New Haven. Finally, a reason to stay in New Haven presents itself and it has to happen after we escape. It's not often one of the most anticipated movies comes to your doorstep. I could have been an extra. But perhaps it’s for the best. Never before has the action in an Indiana Jones film come across as so campy. This is likely the most disappointing part of Crystal Skull: the action is too tongue-in-cheek. There were moments where I thought the film was one step away from Army of Darkness. At one point Indy Jr. Jr. is swinging from vines like Tarzan and a batch of kindly monkeys assist him. I'm not asking for complete believability in an action caper but I'd prefer it not become an embarrassing Looney Tunes cartoon. Crystal Skull is filled with little moments that will completely yank you out of the movie. It is possible to think Crystal Skull ranks up with its predecessors but that requires so much contortion that I wouldn't know how to arrive at that opinion. I suppose we should all resort to the consolation that even with E.T. taking over the plot, this thing could have been worse. Previous winners: 2007: There Will Be Blood 2006: Snakes on a Plane 2005: no award given 2004: Ocean's Twelve 2003: The Matrix sequels 2002: Lord of the Rings: The TwoTowers Best Time I Had in a Theater in 2008 : WALL-E. This movie is art for the ages. The opening half with the minimal dialogue is simply magical, visual storytelling poetry. Previous winners: 2007: Grindhouse 2006: Hostel 2005: Mr. and Mrs. Smith 2004: Sky Captain and the World of Tomorrow 2003: Cabin Fever 2002: (tie) Jackass and The Rules of Attraction Most Ridiculous Plot Element of 2008: (tie) The ending for Seven Pounds and the Loom of Fate in Wanted. Killers that can bend bullets through sheer force of will? Okay, I can accept that. Taking orders from a loom? You lost me. Really, a loom that stitches targets in binary code? Isn’t there an easier way for fate to decree who should be bumped off than someone scrutinizing the stitch work of a rug? What happens when it lists a name with more than one owner? How many "John Smiths" must be killed to secure that the correct Mr. Smith has been erased? How about Will Smith then, playing a suicidal man in Seven Pounds wanting to atone for his deadly past deeds. He wants to give his Smithian organs to good people, so how does he decide to off himself? By pet jellyfish, of course. Huh? He even leaves a note for the eventual paramedics warning, “Please do not touch the jellyfish.” The more I think about that ending the more I want to punch myself in the face with a jellyfish. Most Ridiculous Uwe Boll Plot Element of 2008: Frankly, with three movies in 2008, Boll needs to be excluded from the pack out of sheer fairness to the other lamebrain films out there. Boll’s biggest blunder would have to be the number of murders attributed to his killer-in-a-sack-mask-and-overalls, Seed. We are told that from 1973-1979, Seed killed an astounding, and numerologically convenient, 666 people in those six years. Just take a second and think that figure over. One person in a ratty cloth mask and overalls killed 666 people. Ted Bundy and John Wayne Gacey weren't even anywhere near that figure and they are highly prolific serial killers. Boll wanted to make his serial killer scary but he totally overcompensates and destroys any credibility the film could possibly attain. Why 666? There's no way it's a coincidence considering the pull of that number in our pop culture. Was that a target quota for Seed? Did he make a chart to know when he was falling behind? The sheer magnitude of that number obliterates the facade of "reality" Boll wants to create in his movie. These cops have to be the worst investigative unit in history. Seriously, could they not tabulate any clues or patterns or habits of Seed after 665 murders? I think the FBI would have stepped in hundreds of unsolved murders ago. And yet Boll then shows again how staggeringly inept these local cops are. They find out Seed's home, which is of course a dilapidated shack in the middle of nowhere. This naturally begs the question that Seed would have to venture out long distances to find so many victims, and yet no witnesses of any sort? Seed can also bust out of a coffin and dig himself out of a grave. Now I did some quick math and a 6 feet by 6 feet by 3 feet grave is 108 total cubic feet. The lightest dirt will weigh is 42 pounds per cubic foot. That means that Seed had 4536 pounds of force weighing down on him in that grave. Yet he was able to free himself and go on his rampage. If Seed is this indestructible force then it's ridiculous that Pare could kick him a few times and the man went down during the police capture. Which is the worse screenwriting sin? Having Seed wiggle out of 4500 pounds of force or the fact that the prison guards did a lousy job of BURYING ALIVE a man who killed 666 people! Why would you ever bury this maniac alive?! That seems hardly definitive. Common sense begs cutting off the man's head just to be certain. [center]  [/center] arkRed"> Thora Birch Award for Hottest Actress in 2008 : Mila Kunis in Forgetting Sarah Marshall. I never thought Kunis was more than a shrill ditherhead thanks to her role on TV's That 70s Show. But she is totally gorgeous in this movie. Runner’s-up: Marisa Tomei, all tatted up as the aging stripper with a heart of gold in The Wrestler; Angelina Jolie, also tatted up as a weapon of mass destruction and distraction in Wanted; Gwyneth Paltrow and her backless dress, Iron Man. Previous winners: 2007: Carice van Houten, Black Book 2006: Eva Green, Casino Royale 2005: Angelina Jolie, Mr. and Mrs. Smith 2004: Lindsay Lohan, Mean Girls 2003: Jennifer Connelly, House of Sand and Fog/Hulk 2002: Franka Potente, The Bourne Identity 2001: Thora Birch, Ghost World Best Onscreen Death: The underwater conclusion to Let the Right One In. It's terrifying, satisfying, and oddly beautiful all at the same time. Runner’s-up: "Do not touch the jellyfish.” Just kidding. Previous winners: 2007: John Cusack losing his daughter a second time in 1408. 2006: The climactic comeuppance, Hostel 2005: Russian roulette gone wrong, Kiss Kiss Bang Bang 2004: The deadliness of capes, The Incredibles 2003: Deadly airbag, Final Destination 2 2002: The soggy TV, The Ring Most Gratuitous Moment of 2008: Having Al Pacino fathom the most ridiculous semen conspiracy in the history of mankind in 88 Minutes. Few scenes cause me to simultaneously stare in wide-eyed amazement and resist the urge to vomit. Here goes. Gramm is confronted by his FBI agent pal (William Forsythe) who has some bad news for Gramm. It turns out Gramm's semen was found inside the "vaginal cavity" of the victim. We know Gramm wasn't sexually involved with her because he was sexually involved with our opening naked escort lady, Sara Pollard (Leah Caims). Gramm then argues that someone out there framed him by killing Sara Pollard (oh don't act surprised), retrieving Gramm's semen from inside her, and then injecting it into the "vaginal cavity" of the victim. Hearing an actor of Pacino's credit verbalize this theory is akin to having the "sex talk" with your parents, nay, grandparents -- it's just so intensely uncomfortable to watch. I just picture a lab tech with a long syringe that has to run around Seattle to make his semen import/export deadlines. Previous winners: 2007: no award given 2006: The out-of-nowhere sex scene in Bloodrayne 2005: no award given 2004: Angelina Jolie's nude scene in Taking Lives Best Villain: The Joker from The Dark Knight. No brainer. You couldn’t take your eyes off him. At the end of the movie I felt a resonating sadness that I will never see this actor, this character, again. Runners-up: the murderous Shirley Turner, Dear Zachary; Ralph Fiennes in In Bruges; Dick Cheney in Oliver Stone’s W. (this choice seems too easy). Previous winners: 2007: Anton Chigurh, No Country for Old Men 2006: Collin Sullivan, The Departed 2005: Cillian Murphy in Red Eye 2004: Tom Cruise in Collateral 2003: The head nun, The Magdalene Sisters 2002: Bill the Butcher, Gangs of New York [center]  [/center] arkRed"> Movie vocabulary: You know what I'll take away most from the overblown film, Australia? The term "drover." Hugh Jackman's character never has a real name, he is simply referred to as "Drover" or occasionally, "Mr. Drover," as manners require after you sleep with a drover. He is not a "driver" of cattle but a "drover," which sounds like a present use of a past tense. At one point a little kid says in voice over, "The Drover drove them cheeky bulls." Can you "druv"? When you are completed is called "droven"? I wonder if Australian school children ever had to diagram this sentence: "The Drover drove the cows until he had droven them far enough to druv." This grammatical curiosity lodged in my brain and I amused myself elaborating on the "drover" vocabulary. PART THREE: OVERALL MOVIE GRADES I have reviews and mini-reviews for almost all of the graded movies, and I invite readers to check them out at PictureShowPundits.com for further details. A --- Dear Zachary: A Letter to a Son About His Father Doubt The Dark Knight Reprise Taxi to the Dark Side Tropic Thunder WALL-E A- --- Frost/Nixon Kung Fu Panda Let the Right One In Milk Slumdog Millionaire B+ --- The Bank Job Bigger, Stronger, Faster* Burn After Reading Changeling Cloverfield The Counterfeiters The Curious Case of Benjamin Button Definitely, Maybe Forgetting Sarah Marshall Gran Torino Iron Man Role Models The Visitor B --- Baby Mama Get Smart Ghost Town Happy-Go-Lucky Hellboy II: The Golden Army In Bruges Man on Wire Marley & Me Miss Pettigrew Lives for a Day Mongol Nick and Norah's Infinite Playlist The Other Boleyn Girl Repo! The Genetic Opera Snow Angels The Spiderwick Chronicles Then She Found Me Wanted B- --- Hamlet 2 The Incredible Hulk Indiana Jones and the Kingdom of the Crystal Skull Religulous Twilight Quantum of Solace Vantage Point W. Zack and Miri Make a Porno C+ --- 21 27 Dresses Australia Be Kind, Rewind Drillbit Taylor The Duchess Hancock Pineapple Express Rambo Son of Rambo Speed Racer The Wackness The X-Files: I Want to Believe Young @ Heart C --- American Teen The Day the Earth Stood Still Deception The Eye The Happening Harold and Kumar Escape from Guantanamo Bay Jumper Mamma Mia Postal The Ruins Sex and the City: The Movie The Sisterhood of the Traveling Pants 2 Untraceable C- --- An American Carol Fireproof Fool's Gold The Mummy: Tomb of the Dragon Warrior Semi Pro D+ --- In the Name of the King: A Dungeon Siege Tale The Love Guru D --- 88 Minutes 10,000 B.C. Over Her Dead Body Street Kings D- --- The Hottie and the Nottie Seed F --- Disaster Movie Expelled: No Intelligence Allowed Meet the Spartans |
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arkRed">I read a lot of words that 2007 was the best year for film since the transcendent year of 1999. It was a year that had many artistic experiments and lots of ambition. It was a fine year at the movies with memorable characters and gripping stories, most of them a bit more on the dark side. I saw more movies this year than any other year (95+) and yet this is the first year that I never found a movie that I thought deserved a 10/10 rating. I don't know what to make out of that but 2007 was a year filled with a bounty of intelligent and daring movies, though not all of them succeeded and drank my milkshake. So without further adieux, let's begin my massive and belated look through the year in film.
PART ONE: BEST & WORST MOVIES OF 2007 BEST MOVIES OF THE YEAR Notable exceptions that I have yet to see: Persepolis, The Diving Bell and the Butterfly, The Assassination of Jesse James by the Coward Robert Ford 10) Breach Chris Cooper is masterful in an unnerving and deeply contradictory role as a man of God, country, patriotism, and family. He was a respected FBI expert eventually discovered to be the biggest mole in U.S. intelligence history, directly responsible for the deaths of U.S. spies and interests in Russia during the Cold War. Writer/director Billy Ray infuses the film with the same stoic, controlled calm of his exceptional earlier effort Shattered Glass, and the movie unwinds like a great political thriller from the 1970s. The story is smart and engaging but it is Cooper that turns Breach into one of the best films of 2007. His performance is as varied and complex as the man he is portraying; frightening and intimidating but also empathetic and bound by a sense of honor, Cooper gives a performance that plays upon ambiguity and understatement. Watch the way he even drives people into walls when he walks alongside them in hallways. It's that kind of intense, highly focused, and morally challenging work that deserves an Oscar nomination. 9) Waitress Kerri Russell is irresistibly charming in this winning romantic comedy from the late write/director Adrienne Shelly. I fell totally in love, head over heels, with Waitress and I'm not ashamed to say it. In a perfect world, Russell would earn an Oscar-nomination for her sure-handed, witty, and incandescent performance as a pregnant woman who has an affair with her new gyno doc (Serenity's Nathan Fillion). This is a star-making performance and it is sealed when the movie relies solely on her emerging smile for an entire minute to communicate a blossoming figure. The supporting cast is great in their eccentric roles well and the movie concludes in a happy if unconventional manner. Waitress is the kind of movie that makes you feel great. The sheer exuberance on display is infectious and it makes it an even bigger tragedy that Shelly will never grant the world another wonderful slice of entertainment. 8) Sweeney Todd Fans of traditional musicals, the kind that feature songs centered on female deer or large corn exporting states, may be aghast at how adult and violent the musical is. It's just as much a grand horror movie as it is a musical. No doubt people are not generally accustomed to soaring medleys set to gashed throats and spurting blood. Sweeny Todd is captivating tale where almost all the characters are villains in some sense, and yet you do build sympathies even after innocents are killed and baked into flakey deserts. The medium of film ups the horror elements and transforms Sweeny Todd into a stronger work by amplifying the tension. The last scene with Mrs. Lovett is far more haunting than anything that could have been achieved on a stage. It's refreshing and exhilarating to see a perfect marriage of material and artistry. Burton has transported Sweeney Todd into a faithful and jubilantly dark movie that doesn't shy away from the grotesque. It's a stirring, wonderfully Gothic rendition of Sondheim's masterpiece. Sweeney Todd is blissful, spirited entertainment that's not exactly for the squeamish, but this is one musical that can simultaneously touch the heart while turning the stomach. 7) Ratatouille This movie continues to grow on me every day after I saw it. Writer/director Brad Bird yet again impresses with a deceptively simple story that manages to hit big themes in organic ways. The comic possibilities are fully realized with the setup of a man and a rat teaming up to be a great Parisian chef. There is a jubilant spirit alive and well throughout the film, and it's difficult not to get swept up in the wit, the wonder, and the magnificent visual feast. 6) Grindhouse The movie going experience isn’t what it used to be, and Quentin Tarantino and Robert Rodriguez want to do something about it. This 3-hour plus movie is stuffed to the gills with 70s reverence, right down to cheesy retro clips telling us the film rating via an animated cat. If Rodriguez and Tarantino could, they probably would make the floors stickier just to round out the experience. But that’s the marvelous thing about Grindhouse - it turns the film-going experience into an event once again. Rodriguez's Planet Terror is a great blast of fun, a perfect ode to schlocky B-movies. Rodriguez creates action movies closer to cartoons, and the more over-the-top and crazy things get the more joyous his films generally turn out. Tarantino, on the other hand, is all about taking the genre and catapulting it into something ambitious and different and greater. Death Proof is Tarantino’s take on the slasher horror genre, with the unique twist being that Tarantino’s roving killer takes out his prey with his car. Honestly, I cannot say another movie released this year that provides more bang for your buck than Grindhouse. Tarantino and Rodriguez’s double bill will leave you giddy. This is the fastest 3 hours and 10 minutes of your life, folks. I suppose Grindhouse was never going to have a 300-sized audience, since the idea of making a sloppy 3-hour love letter to trashy cinema seems destined for a limited appeal. This is a high-art tribute to high camp, and you really do feel you get more than your money’s worth even if you pay, like I do, 10 bucks a pop for a show. 5) Michael Clayton A smart, suspenseful, terrifically acted corporate thriller, this movie hums along with great precision thanks to a deeply articulate screenplay by writer/director Tony Gilroy. The acting trio (George Clooney, Tom Wilkinson, Tilda Swinton) delivers sensational performances muddled with doubt and weary, nervy complexity; each comes across a full human being in what could have come across as a dull Law and Order episode. There is a murder that is played against Hollywood convention; it's quick, grimly efficient, and scary in how soon it's all over. Michael Clayton is a first-class movie that respects the intelligence of an audience. 4) No End in Sight This is the best documentary on the Iraq War yet. Director Charles Ferguson lived his life as a PhD political scientist, and then he felt compelled to make a movie. No End in Sight doesn't focus much on the origins of the current Iraq War, which have been well documented and discussed in many other realms, instead the movie takes an exacting look into where the U.S. government fouled up the occupation after toppling Saddam Hussein. Because of this approach, Ferguson's expose cannot be dismissed under false propaganda claims, and because his interviews mostly consist of the people on the ground who were responsible to stabilize the country, No End in Sight is blessed with plenty of hard-hitting first-hand accounts by the people given the hurried, thankless job of rebuilding a conquered nation. No one can accuse this film of slander or pushing an agenda; this is an exacting autopsy on the current chaos in Iraq, and it has cold facts and hard truths to back up its convictions. Even if you feel that you know all the blunders tied to Iraq, this sensational film is not merely a repackaging of dogma. It's eye opening and intensely fascinating and one of the better films of the year; it's an argument made on the merits of evidence and testimony, and it is damning. One soldier reflects upon the current conditions and flatly asks, "This is the best America can do? Don't tell me that." Then after a small pause he adds, "That makes me angry." You are not alone, brother. 3) Knocked Up Judd Apatow scores again. The man has a long history of creating memorable and heartwarming character-based comedy, and Knocked Up is another winner. This man creates thoroughly human and engaging stories that focus on our own foibles and triumphs. Apatow wrote and directed yet another poignant, clever, and uproarious comedy that has so much more below the surface and becomes universally appealing. Knocked Up is bawdy and hilarious, sure, but it's also far more realistic and a lot more emotionally involving than any romantic comedy Hollywood has offered in years. Apatow seems to have mined his personal parental experiences for a lot of hard-earned truths. The film is most natural when it showcases the male perspective of prolonged adolescence and an unplanned pregnancy, but Knocked Up also has a mature and thoughtful view on marriage and feminism. We see the array of personal challenges a woman would go through but the movie still manage to slip in humor amidst the uncertainty. n the end, you really care about these characters because Knocked Up is a raunch-fest that has a sweet gooey center of sentiment. Knocked Up is a very funny and very wonderful sex comedy for adults, but it also happens to be an endearing and heartfelt romance. The cast is excellent, the comedy rarely misses a beat, and Apatow is a instant classic hitmaker. Just like The 40-Year Old Virgin, Apatow has explored a deeply personal topic for all the comedy and pathos he could wring from the material. Knocked Up is nothing short of a knockout. 2) No Country for Old Men What a fine-tuned, nerve-wracking, and engrossing cat-and-mouse thriller this film is. Anton Chigurh, as masterfully played by Bardem, is the stuff of nightmares. I was literarily afraid to go home after seeing this movie and it is because No Country for Old Men fashions a villain so methodical, so cold-blooded, and so downright deadly and cunning that I felt as if he could very well be residing under my bed at night waiting. Bardem is hypnotically horrifying and the Coen brothers establish early on how ruthless their cinematic boogeyman is. Like Chigurh's coin, the film focuses much on the randomness and cruelty of fate. By sticking to this ethic, the Coen bothers are eschewing the traditional Hollywood rulebook and playing around with our expectations for characters and plot. The outlook isn't too sunny for many involved. It works and demands an audience remain on edge for fear that anything could happen at any moment. No Country for Old Men is exactly the kind of material the Coen brothers needed to return to form. This is a lean and stirring thriller that plays to their strengths and echoes some of their most riveting and twisty work, like Blood Simple and Fargo. In many ways the film feels like a Western, a high-stakes drama, and a tragedy that takes its time to unravel. It may have taken some time but the Coen brothers are back, baby, and No Country for Old Men is fit to stand beside their hallowed pedigree of cinematic classics. [CENTER]  [/CENTER]arkRed">1) Once It's a modern-day musical that manages to be so much more. It's a small, hardscrabble indie that's completely unpretentious, unassuming, and sweetly divine. Once is not mawkish, nor overly sentimental, but it does leave you with the sensation that you've just had your best hopes about love reaffirmed, no small feat. This is a movie for people that love music and the innate power it can unleash. Once could be described as a musical for people that hate traditional musicals, much like Moulin Rouge, but I think that sells the film too short on its merits. Once is a very stripped down but enormously romantic love letter to music and human connection. Watching the movie is akin to be serenaded by a soulful crooner that clearly wears its idealistic heart on its sleeve. There's something undeniably magical about watching Once; you feel transported by the sheer exuberance of feeling and emotion. I suppose the music is really going to be the breaking point for people; either you enjoy its sweet harmonies and light acoustic arrangements, or, um, you don't. I adored the music and was transported by the deeply romantic current running through the film. Once is a small movie with a big heart and some wonderful music. In between pirates, robots, super heroes, and wizards, I think there's plenty time to squeeze in a beguiling and earnest musical that will be long remembered. Honorable mention: Before the Devil Knows You're Dead, Juno, Stardust, Zodiac, Rescue Dawn WORST MOVIES OF THE YEAR 10) Blood and Chocolate A werewolf tale set in Europe where the remaining handful of werewolves hunt men for sport by night and swish around being Eurotrash by day. The film plays closely to the teens-as-super creatures formula that seems to be chiseled by the likes of The Craft, Underworld, and The Covenant. What's kind of hilariously goofy is that these werewolves actually just turn into normal, White Fang-looking wolves; no hulking man-beasts. They tend to run, and in a feat of cheesy special effects, blur into a wolf thanks to a magical glow. But there are instances when they would be much better off staying as people than transforming into wolves, like for ridiculous wolf-on-wolf fight scenes. The whole concept seems rather uninspiring; would you feel a sense of power simply because you could transform into a medium sized canine at will? I can't see many practical instances where this would benefit someone. What's the appeal? Regardless, the peculiarly titled film is rather dim with plot and character and whimpers to a hasty yet predictable conclusion. Agnes Bruckner, that's a talented and beautiful young actress. Someone out there find here something worthy. 9) The Invisible Forget whatever the advertising and the trailers had you believe this film was about. Instead of watching a ghost solve the mystery of his own death, almost all of The Invisible consists of following an obnoxious kid mope about. There is no mystery from the start because the audience witnesses exactly what happens, knows exactly who the murderer is, so much of the film is just waiting for other characters to piece things together. It's the cinematic equivalent of sitting on your hands. The plot holes are massive and people have the irritating habit of acting out of character or being moronic (why does the best friend, who inadvertently got his friend killed but was not an accomplice, say nothing to the police?). When the film tries to shoehorn in a laughably contrived romance between murderer and murderee, I was about ready to kill someone myself. Whole sections and characters could be wiped out and nothing would be too altered. The ending is a cop-out and makes little sense given the facts of the case (it's never really a murder, which makes the advertising even more wrong). Watching The Invisible feels like you're chained to an annoying emo kid who won't shut the hell up. This is one lame, snooze-worthy supernatural After School Special. 8) Premonition Premonition is in hopeless want to be a modern-day version of Kurt Vonnegut's Slaughterhouse Five with the added sprinkle of a Lifetime movie. The plot may be maddening, but I think Premonition was meant to be a comedy because it's sure as hell not an effective thriller. The movie's feeble attempts at attaching scares to its central puzzle are astounding bad. This is the type of film that not only thinks a dead crow is spooky but that the mystery of what happened to the dead crow is integral to audience satisfaction. Premonition has an ending that just lays there in utter defiance of taste, causing the audience to upturn their nose in disbelief as if they had just discovered someone defecating in a store aisle. And that's really the closest analogy to what the ending to this moving is like -- utter crap. Personally, if I was unstuck through time and needed some help figuring out important events, I would leave a lot of Post-It notes for myself filling me in on what I know. That would make sense; this movie doesn't in any capacity. Bullock, writer Bill Kelly, and director Mennan Yapo need to pray that they can wake up the day before they ever started to make Premonition and then they can spare us all. 7) Norbit It's terrible, yes, and a grotesque cartoon that milks one joke (the fat shrew is fat!), but it's not as terrible as I expected and that in and of itself must be something of a small victory. The candy-coated direction and ghastly realistic makeup effects elevate the wretched material, and I'm ashamed to admit that I did indeed laugh a few times, albeit only a few. Rick Baker's makeup will likely win yet another Oscar, which means we will be stuck with the tragic sentence "Academy Award-winning Norbit" for the rest of our lives. The fabulous makeup can bring these wretched characters to vivid life, including an odd racist depiction of Murphy as an old Asian man, but what's the point of expert mimicry if it can be recreated on a physical level? Murphy's comedic gifts seem like they will be replaced by technology instead of complimenting what he has to offer. Then again, there's no technology that can make Norbit funnier. I hope you're happy with the money you have reaped from this mean-spirited, unfunny crass comedy, because the advertising for this almost certainly cost you, Eddie Murphy, a Best Supporting Actor Oscar for Dreamgirls. Then again, that movie wasn't too great either. 6) Bloodrayne II: Deliverance It would be a worst of the year list without an annual entry by Uwe Boll; however, this is his lowest placing yet so things are looking up. Bloodrayne II: Deliverance is far less fun than the original while being better in some regards and worse in others. It's vampires in the Wild West, people. There isn't much artistic growth shown. Boll was naturally meant to transition to the relegated realm of direct-to-DVD movies. It's more his terrain what with the queasy production values, bad acting, and shoddy, repackaged scripts. In the world of direct-to-DVD a movie can live on into infinity thanks to assembly line sequels. Did anyone realize there are now, thanks to direct-to-DVD releases, seven Children of the Corns, four Bring it Ons, and a whopping 13 Land Before Times. It's here where Boll's quick production turnarounds will yield the most gain and where he may even thrive. He's already planning to direct a Bloodrayne 3 and producing an Alone in the Dark 2 (regrettably there was a 2005 direct-to-DVD sequel to House of the Dead though it had no Boll involvement whatsoever). I think Uwe Boll is finally where he belongs. 5) Ghost Rider Nicolas Cage's career has been flaming out, so what better role than a burning skeleton biker who serves as a bounty hunter for the Devil, in this case Peter Fonda. A cliché-riddled script, laughable performances, cheesy effects and dull villains doom any entertainment prospects this movie might have had. Cage, as the titular rider, gets to fight a group of escaped demons who all have one connection to an element; one has the power of fire, another the power of wind, etc., it's like a hellish Captain Planet squad. But what's the point when Ghost Rider simply vanquishes them so easily? It's repetitive and goes nowhere. There's one moment Sam Elliot "turns" into an older ghost rider/bounty hunter and rides along with Cage to save the day. But then he says, "Well, I could only do that once more, so good luck." What? You could only turn into a flaming ass kicker one more time and you wasted it on riding a horsey through the desert? Eva Mendes is awful as her role of "girlfriend from past," and why, if she and Cage grew up as childhood sweethearts, does he look over 15 years older than her in the present? I guess working for Satan can really take a lot out of you. 4) License to Wed Someone just tell Robin Williams to stop already. This painful and dated movie exists in another realm, a realm too fanciful and bizarre to exist even in sitcoms. The characters are all unlikable nitwits and I could not suppress to urge to want to dropkick William's astoundingly annoying pre-teen sidekick. This implausible and puerile comedy is like an enema for the brain; it will wipe you clear out. The PG-13 movie regularly wades in tired pee and fart jokes, sometimes combing the two, but what really irritates me is how lazy the whole enterprise is. Williams makes a joke about O.J. killing his wife. I repeat, in the year 2007, Williams makes a joke about O.J. killing his wife. How topical and cutting edge. This whole movie induces one long, never-ending exasperated sigh from anyone that appreciates good comedy. If it weren't for casual cameos by stars of NBC's TV show The Office, this film would be totally worthless. As it is, License to Wed is yet another nail in Williams' comedy coffin. 3) Perfect Stranger What starts as a pretty poor thriller goes absurdly over the top by the tired Hollywood convention of a forced twist ending, and this one isn't just forced, no, it contradicts everything that happened before it for 100 minutes. The movie piles up red herring after red herring trying to keep the audience guessing, but I think this is because Perfect Stranger had no idea how to end and who would be deemed the killer. And then there's perhaps the worst twist ending of the decade. It makes no sense and defies all logic. If the ending were right then why would someone wait years upon years to plan a murder to hide something that seems inconsequential? Why does someone think their friend is a killer because their computer memory recalled that they visited a company website despite the fact that this person is a journalist and going undercover at this same company? And why, stupid Hollywood characters, do you recite how you've figured out their deeply convoluted plan to the murderer only to get murdered? Halle Berry gives a rather embarrassing performance; she's all over the map and I question much of her character's actions and anxiety, especially when seen ALONE, if the twist ending holds. Perfect Stranger is ridiculous junk that tries to outsmart an audience by confusing them and then openly negating their story thanks to a twist ending that is intended to blow minds but will simply leave people scratching their heads and pitying everyone involved in this disposable dreck. And no, this has nothing to do with Cousin Larry and Balki. 2) I Know Who Killed Me Thanks to a second summer DUI Lohan was unable to promote her new movie, I Know Who Killed Me. This may be a blessing in disguise because if I were her I would want to draw the least amount of attention possible to this stinker. I Know Who Killed Me is a disaster in every sense of the word. The ineptness on display is staggering. The movie is trash from start to finish but it's not even redeemable trash. The movie tries to cover its numerous plot holes with images of Lohan canoodling with a stripper pole, but the trouble is that Lohan is abysmal as a figure of lust. She's got the vivacious body to fill out the skimpy outfits, but this woman has little charisma when she's swinging around the pole. There's such an awkward, discombobulated coordination to her limited movements. Lohan struts and makes goo-goo faces that she thinks are sultry. After a while you start to realize that Lohan is just preening for imaginary red carpet photographers and has no clue how to titillate. I Know Who Killed Me is a ludicrous, incomprehensible, and rather sundry thriller that won't help Lohan's troubled life. If she needs to know who's killing her career, the answer is in a mirror. And the worst film of 2007 is……… [CENTER]  [/CENTER]arkRed">1) Epic Movie Flatly stated, there is no reason for this film to exist. I am growing a special hatred for "writers/directors" Jason Friedberg and Aaron Seltzer. They made Date Movie (#3 on my list of Worst films of 2006) and that should have been reason enough to stop any additional film in their pop culture vomit style of "comedy." This latest spoof-fest is depressing to watch because I think of all the good independent movies that could have been bankrolled instead of this garbage, but I also drop my head in sorrow for the fact that a generation of mostly adolescent boys will grow to maturity thinking utter crap like THIS is comedy. These two nitwits generally just throw a year's worth of unrelated pop culture references together and call it a movie; there's no rhyme or reason for damn near anything. Let me make this abundantly clear; Epic Movie and its recent ilk do not parody movies or cultural events, they parrot them. Don't even get me started on the futility of the movie trying to parody Snakes on a Plane. I hope those sadly misguided few that find chuckles from Epic Movie will eventually discover that jokes are funnier when there's setup, when you play against expectation or convention, and that wit does indeed exist in this universe. I pray that these terrible, cannibalistic, aimless spoofs will fade away, or else we may all be left with the disgusting possibility that the future idea of a comedy will be a movie that simply makes references to Epic Movie. I already have a spot reserved for my 2008 list for Friedberg and Seltzer's Meet the Spartans. If comedy is to survive these movies must be stopped. I'm not advocating a violent overthrow but I'm certainly not not advocating it. Dishonorable mention: Georgia Rule, Smokin' Aces, Wild Hogs, Next PART TWO: VARIOUS AWARDS AND ACCOLADES Best titles of the year: Death at a Funeral, No Country for Old Men, Knocked Up, The Assassination of Jesse James by the Coward Robert Ford Worst titles of the year: P2, Mr. Magorium's Wonder Emporium, In the Valley of Elah, Delta Farce, The Last Mimzy, Happily N'Ever After Titles that could be confused with porn: Black Snake Moan, No End in Sight, Hot Fuzz, In the Land of Women, Skinwalkers (I will not reward Balls of Fury and Mr. Woodcock for lazy double entendre titles) Thanks But No Thanks Award: Villain back-stories. Remember when Darth Vader was the baddest mutha in the galaxy? Then Georgie Lucas had to ruin everything by supplying Vader's back-story, where we could have the privilege of learning that he was an annoying tyke and whiny teenager. The best villains are the ones with minimal back-story or explanation. I don't need to know how and why these bad people got to being bad, I just know I love them being bad. Hannibal Rising tried explaining that everyone's favorite cannibal got to be a monster thanks to watching his little sister get eaten by hungry WWII German soldiers. Was that a sufficient psychological explanation for the most iconic villain of all time? Seems pretty much mundane. Rob Zombie's remake of Halloween decided to add an extended peek into Michael Myers' white trash childhood. The turning point may have been during a hilarious moment where Michael sits crestfallen on a stoop while his sister has sex, his mother swings around a stripper's pole, and the movie blasts "Love Hurts." I accept that my villains are who they are; back-story and explanation is feeble and will never match the power of those mighty figures. Runner-up: Natalie Portman's bruised derriere in he opening short for Wes Anderson's The Darjeeling Limited. Well, that didn't seem worth it. The pixie has long been a figure of lust for young men, usually of the geek variety, and she finally bares some substantial flesh and exposes a bottom covered in deeply unsexy bruises. Try masturbating to that, fanboys. [CENTER]  [/CENTER]arkRed">The Best 10 Minutes of 2007: Viggo's bathhouse brawl in Eastern Promises. He sits there naked and exposed and two unhappy gentlemen descend upon him (fully clothed) with knives. It's at this moment that we bare witness, no pun intended, to the cagey survival instincts of a man who must live his life looking over his shoulder. It's a bravura scene that is played out in agonizing detail. Nikolai is slashed and thrown against tiled walls and much penis-related mayhem is glimpsed. It's enthralling and wince-inducing. Runner's-up: "Falling Slowly" performed in Once; the opening of Hairspray "Truth" in Advertising Award: Primeval. In the early weeks of 2007, Primeval was billing itself as a thriller based on the most deadly serial killer in the world. Ignoring the fact that dictators don't seem to count on the serial killer body count, the film presented a group traveling through Africa to hunt this most notorious killer. And who was this killer? "Gustave" … the crocodile. That's right, "the deadliest serial killer" was a massive reptile. Call me closed minded, but I don't believe that animals can qualify as serial killers. And yet this blatant false advertising is not the film's low-point, that would be a toss-up between a black character saying, "You know, that croc's a lot like OJ. He made a mistake when he killed that white woman," and, "I'm never gonna say this in front of a bunch of white people. Slavery was a good thing. Anything to get the fuck out of Africa is a good thing." No wonder the advertisers wanted to focus on elements that weren't even in the movie. Three-quel Letdown: It wasn't just a summer of sequels; this year it was a summer of three-quels. And almost all of them were bad. Spider-Man 3 floundered what was the gold standard for super hero movies. The alien goo suit is supposed to tempt Peter and bring out his wicked wild side. So what does he do? He acts like he's auditioning for the lead in The Mask. Spider-Man 3 has moments to dazzle and excite but it also feels battle fatigued from carrying the dead weight of extraneous characters and half-baked storylines. There are too many balls in the air for director Sam Raimi to juggle. This Spidey chapter squeezes too many ideas in too short a space. Pirates 3 failed to capitalize on any of the intriguing setup from Dead Man's Chest, and the film was awash in confusing double-crosses to the point that characters had to take a time out and explain what has taken place. Shrek 3 didn't have any of the heart and wit of the previous two movies and was, instead, a bland message movie minus any charm. Rush Hour 3 was pretty much more of the awful same but it marked the first movie in 6 years to star nails-on-the-chalkboard actor Chris Tucker. The exception to this rankled lot was The Bourne Ultimatum, which continued the fast-paced, kinetic thrills of the Jason Bourne super spy character. [CENTER]  [/CENTER]arkRed">Strangest Use of Technology: Lindsay Lohan's prosthetics in I Know Who Killed Me. A doctor fixes Lohan with a pair of prosthetics - a fake leg and a robot arm. He slides the robot hand onto her stump and it reacts to her nerve impulses. As soon as I saw this scene I blurted out, "Oh my God, Lindsay Lohan becomes the Terminator!" Where the scene earns its stupid wings is that the doctor says she'll have to charge her prosthetic when not in use or else the battery will go dead. Naturally, I'm thinking he's referring to the robot arm of doom, but no, he's talking about her freaking leg. Her leg amputation is below her knee; therefore this fake leg is little more than a pole. There's nothing mechanical to it. Why does it need to be plugged in? Will it hop away? Runner-up: seeing swaying, heaving peasant woman bosoms in 3-D thanks to Beowulf; a love doll as a therapeutic coping device, Lars and the Real Girl Best Film I Saw in 2007 (that wasn’t released in 2007): The Lives of Others. If I counted this 2006 Oscar-winner for Best Foreign Film as a 2007 release, it would contend for my top spot. Biggest Disappointment: There Will Be Blood. The fact that the film was written and directed by Paul Thomas Anderson (Boogie Nights, Magnolia) was enough to get me excited, but when critics kept throwing around the term "masterpiece" I got even more excited. Blood isn't a bad film by any means but its masterpiece status eludes me. The filmmaking can be awe-inspiring and Daniel Day-Lewis gives a commanding performance, but the plot was a major letdown. It spends a good hour setting up the pieces and the players and then key characters will drop out for long stretches or merely be easily dispatched. The movie coasts for too long without conflict and is defiant in its indiosyncrasies. I still have the feeling that I need to see it a second time and then, perhaps, everything will click on its own terms, but we shall see. Best Time I Had in a Theater: Grindhouse. 3 hours of awesome. [CENTER]  [/CENTER]arkRed">Thora Birch Award for Hottest Actress: Carice van Houten in the Dutch film, Black Book. As the Jewish undercover spy trying to seduce a Nazi officer, van Houten is an enticing screen beauty that brings to mind Hollywood stars of old. She has a very simple, prim, elegant look to her, and a presence that is coy and sensual but far from trashy or vulgar. This helps add traces of believability to a figure that does some incredible acts in the name of God and country. Hollywood would have cast Rachel as a tall, buxom bombshell, but it would all be wrong. If this girl turned heads she would be dead. Runner's up: Bryce Dallas Howard in Spider-Man 3; Marisa Tomei, 43 years old and naked in Before the Devil Knows You're Dead; Meagan Fox in Transformers Reasons Why the MPAA is Stupid: Reason 1: The MPAA, in its irritating wisdom, has decided that Once should be rated R, thus distancing it from an armada of impressionable youth. Once has a handful of F-bombs, though you could argue their inclusion is diminished because of the occasional indecipherable nature of heavy Irish accents. The restricted rating is a shame because this movie doesn't have a profane bone in its body. Teenagers, people who are struggling for meaning and acceptance, and reconfiguring their musical tastes, should see this movie. I think they would relate to the personal struggles and the romanticism. Glen Hansard may populate many a teen girl's bedroom in poster form soon enough. Reasons Why the MPAA is Stupid: Reason 2: Black Book is clearly and fairly rated R, but part of the rating piqued my curiosity. One of the items that help push the film into the restricted rating is "graphic nudity." Now, what exactly is graphic nudity? I recall last year's Babel also getting an R-rating for what was deemed "graphic nudity." One thing the two films have in common is that they both show quick glimpses of exposed female genitalia. I suppose that the MPAA feels that nudity becomes graphic when we see pubic hair. This confounds me. What about pubic hair turns nudity into an extra, more offensive category of nudity? At the end of the day, it's just hair, people. I did some quick research and Basic Instinct, infamous for Sharon Stone's career-making leg crossing, is rated R for mere "strong sexuality." For the record, when Stone flashes her naughty bits they were bare. So let the record show that hair seems to be the qualifier between what is nudity and what is graphic nudity. Best Onscreen Death: John Cusack losing his daughter a second time in 1408. Runner's-up: the bleak climax to Before the Devil Knows You're Dead; the eerie quick kill in Michael Clayton; vehicular homicide times four in Tarantino's half of Grindhouse. Special demented mention to Eli Roth's Grindhouse trailer that involves a cheerleader, a trampoline, and a long knife. [CENTER]  [/CENTER]arkRed">Best Villain: No contest; Javier Bardem in No Country for Old Men. Runner's-up: Michelle Pfieffer, Stardust; Anthony Hopkins, in Fracture; Russell Crowe as the magnetic Ben Wade in 3:10 to Yuma. Lamest Villain: The number 23 in The Number 23. I know math scores have been systematically dropping with America’s youth, but have we gotten to the point where numbers themselves are scary? The Number 23 is a thriller built around the spookiness of a digit greater than 22 but a little less than 24. Does anyone have nightmares about walking down an empty hall only to have the number 23 pounce from the shadows and scream, “Boo”? Magic Eye Award: Trying to figure out what's going on with robot-on-robot action in Transformers = watching scrambled porn. The original Transformers were designed smoothly, because in all reality they were animated toys and needed to function for kids. These 21st century Transformers have parts all over the place. There are gears and wheels and who knows what sticking out everywhere. They look far too cluttered, like a little kid's art project where he keeps slathering on more junk. As a result of this robo design, when it comes to action you may not have a clue what's actually happening. When the big robots wrestle you'll be left trying to piece together in your mind which part is the robot mouth, the robot head, the robot fists/claws/drill/whatever. I suppose in a way this kind of demanding user activity is similar to watching scrambled porn; both involve trying to dissect the image into something workable and, thusly, satisfying to the senses. Proving There is Life After Gigli: Ben Affleck adapted the screenplay and directed Gone Baby Gone, a smart, thrilling, and morally complex movie. Proving There May Not Be Life After Gigli: Jennifer Lopez in El Cantante. She looked like a hooker on the poster. [CENTER]  [/CENTER]arkRed">Biggest Trend: War fatigue. American audiences stayed away in droves with any movie that dealt explicitly with the ongoing Iraq War. I think it's an awful shame that the public doesn't seem up to the task to engage challenging dramas for very challenging times. Instead, they all went to see Wild Hogs 80 times. Not all of the Iraq-themed movies were good; Rendition was a message with barely a movie strung around it, Lions for Lambs was 80 minutes of being lectured by a haughty, smug Robert Redford, and The Kingdom, while entertaining, was more like a CSI episode where the good guys morph into Rambo warriors for the finale. Writer/director Paul Haggis (Crash) explored the hidden psychological costs of the war with surprising sensitivity and power with In the Valley of Elah. The documentary No End in Sight should be required viewing just so that the public will not allow the post-war screw-ups to happen again. PART THREE: GRADE CHART 2007 MOVIE GRADES A ---- Before the Devil Knows You're Dead Breach Grindhouse Knocked Up The Lives of Others (2006?) Michael Clayton No Country for Old Men No End in Sight Once Ratatouilie Sweeney Todd Waitress A- ---- The Bourne Ultimatum Hairspray Juno Rescue Dawn Stardust Zodiac B+ ---- 3:10 to Yuma 1408 Away From Her Beowulf Eastern Promises Gone Baby Gone I Am Legend In the Valley of Elah The King of Kong Lars and the Real Girl Live Free or Die Hard My Kid Could Paint That The Namesake The Simpsons Movie Superbad B ---- 300 The Astronaut Farmer Atonement Black Book The Brave One Bridge to Terabithia Dan in Real Life Fracture Freedom Writers Harry Potter and the Order of the Phoenix Hot Fuzz The Lookout Ocean's Thirteen Sicko Transformers B- ---- Blades of Glory Crazy Love Elizabeth: The Golden Age The Kingdom Pirates of the Caribbean: At World's End Sunshine There Will Be Blood C+ ---- Bug Catch and Release Disturbia Evan Almighty The Golden Compass In the Land of Women The Reaping Reign Over Me Southland Tales Spider-Man 3 You Kill Me C ---- Across the Universe Alpha Dog Fantastic Four: Rise of the Silver Surfer Hannibal Rising The Heartbreak Kid Kickin' it Old Skool Martian Child Music and Lyrics National Treasure: Book of Secrets The Number 23 Shooter Shrek 3 Sydney White C- ---- Because I Said So Evening Georgia Rule Next Wild Hogs D+ ---- Blood and Chocolate The Invisible Norbit Premonition Smokin' Aces D ---- Bloodrayne II: Deliverance Ghost Rider I Know Who Killed Me License to Wed Perfect Stranger F ----- Epic Movie |
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What can I say Nate? Strong and interesting choices all around. While I fear that "Michael Clayton" may have been a tad overrated, I'm sure glad to see the love for the underrated "Breach", along with "Waitress" (which if I had my way would have been nominated for Best Picture, Best Actress, and Best Director) and obviously, "No End In Sight". Awesome that you found room too for "Grindhouse" and also for "Knocked Up" (although I prefer "Juno"). Great choice for best pic of the year, sadly "Once" didn't quite make my list though it easily could have. 0 Replies | |
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arkRed">NATE’S 2006 STILL LATE BUT LESS GROSSLY LATE END OF THE YEAR WRAP-UP
Whether it was in misleading titles (John Tucker Must Die? Expect a lawsuit on my behalf) or egos gone mad (M. Knight Shyamalan as the writer to save the world? No wonder it was a bedtime story), 2006 was a film year that waded in disappointment. There were fewer outstanding works; personally, I never would have thought that 3 of my top 4 movies for the year would have been released within the first few months of the year. Still, it felt like an artistically stillborn year when it came to movies. There were plenty of good ones, a handful of great ones, but this year left me wanting, and it wasn’t for more Shyamalan screen time. What follows is my annual compilation of the highs, lows, and everything in between the 365 days that were, at one time, the year 2006. [center]BEST FILMS OF 2006[/center] 10) V for Vendetta Much as the Academy, I practically forgot this movie even came out because it was so long ago. This is a dynamically intelligent, complex movie but it never lets the smarts get in the way of a rousing good time. This is a very political movie that’s very relevant today. I was even moved by the film’s hopeful conclusion, which is more than I can say about any other comic book movie (yes, even Elektra). Nothing is self-consciously showy for the sake of wowing an audience, and every beat of action feels organic to the storyline. I hope people don’t get too snooty and dismissive with this film. V for Vendetta is exactly what the Matrix sequels should have been: a pulpy mix of brains and action, not a snore-fest that beats you down before putting on a show. 9) Casino Royale Now this is James Bond done right. The Bond films have great history to them, but let’s not get overly romantic here; a majority of the James Bond movies are outright crap, especially the ones with Roger Moore. This is Bond dialed back, stripped of fancy gimmicks and gadgets and left to battle with his wits and his brutality. This is a meat-and-potatoes action movie without irony or frills. It’s serious about its business and business, let me tell you, is good. Casino Royale is monstrously entertaining. Daniel Craig has a boxer’s face, those wonderful eyes, and a sculpted body that will take many a breath away. But even better, Craig is likely the best actor that has even been tapped for 007. When he’s chasing bad guys you see the determination of his running, the anguish on his face. When he’s flirting with women you can practically feel the heat. Casino Royale is the Bond movie Ian Fleming would have paid to see. 8) Stranger than Fiction This was the sweetest surprise of the year and continued to work on me well after I had finished watching. It’s essentially a romantic comedy for bookworms. This is a very literate movie that works better for those with an appreciation or outright love of literature and storytelling. The story has an innocence to it and this existential comedy feels out there but still grounded; it’s surprisingly poignant and full of dramatic revelations. Stranger than Fiction is strange, all right, but gloriously so. Scribe Zach Helm has concocted an existential fairy tale aimed for bookworms and outsiders. The premise is clever but the film doesn’t stop there, and Helm explores the implications of his premise with whimsy, charm, and a sweetness that is hard to rebuke. The wacky story seems reminiscent of Kaufman’s works, but it has a more heartwarming and embraceable appeal. Great performances from a game cast help to push the material even further into excellence. It’s the movie I most wanted to hug all year. Take that for what you will. 7) Pan’s Labyrinth Fantasy has a naturally cheerful tone. Someone did not tell that to Mexican writer/director Guillermo del Toro. The Hellboy director is obsessed with all things creepy, crawly, and gooey, and his films all seem to revel in the things that go squish in the night. This is a fabulously dark Alice in Wonderland for a more mature set. del Toro straddles differing genre lines like few artists out there. He has a great love for monster movies and horror, but he also has great feel for human drama and a child’s wide-eyed point of view. The film straddles the lines of genre, touching upon horror, human drama, fairy tale, historical action, and still finds time to be invigorating and moving. The film is touching and exciting and pretty scary when it wants to be. Pan’s Labyrinth is a genre-bending gem that’s exceptionally well executed. The production design and make-up effects do wonders to bring del Toro’s mordant imagination to chilling life. del Toro reigns supreme in the realm of sticky and icky things. 6) Little Children Director Todd Field (In the Bedroom) and author Tom Perotta (Election) have created the most incisive, mordant, and entertaining peek into suburban life since 1999’s American Beauty. You really feel the carnal yearning that Kate Winslet and Patrick Wilson have as they inch their way to an affair. I’ve never felt the raw appeal of an affair perhaps like this before. Even more amazing, the film explores an entire neighborhood of characters and breathes life into them. Little Children feels like a great novel, with a scalpel-sharp narrator offering glimpses into the inner workings of these people. You get a great sense of worth in the film and it’s easy to fall under its spell. Little Children is a wonderful movie that looks at the complexities of people without judgment but with plenty of sly humor. It’s a fine work of satire and sensuality, and Winslet is becoming so good at delivering powerful performances that she’s being taken for granted as perhaps the best actress of her generation. 5) Children of Men Alfonso Cuaron is a master filmmaker and a gifted storyteller. The film is a beguiling think piece but it also succeeds magnificently as a straightforward thriller. The majority of the second half is built around chase scenes and navigating to perilous outposts of safety that eventual crumble. Cuaron has a dizzying sense of believability as he puts together his world, and his roving camera feels like an imbedded reporter on the front lines of chaos. The gorgeous cinematography and realistic set design contribute to the visceral sensation Cuaron sets alive with his visuals. There are long stretches where the camera continues rolling for nine minutes uninterrupted. I was left spellbound and felt trapped in this world just like the people onscreen. But nothing feels cheap or too sentimental in this world. This is a harsh and dark world where anything can happen, so the audience is left in constant peril worrying about the fates of every person. This is science fiction at its best. Children of Men is stark and realistic and truly immersive; you really feel like a member of this tumultuous future. It works simultaneously as a thought-provoking what-if scenario and as an exciting thriller. Simply put, this is a highly engrossing movie that separates itself from the pack. Cuaron has created a disquieting and entertaining sci-fi think piece that succeeds on its numerous merits. 4) Thank You for Smoking Good comedies always seem to get overlooked when it comes to serious award contention, which is a shame. Thank You for Smoking is a wickedly funny satire on Big Tobacco that skewers all sides in the political debate, and the film doesn’t take a stand, which is refreshing. It has a firm grip on its humor and gleefully gives its finger to political correctness. The tar-black humor in Thank You for Smoking rolls off so casually. This is a comedy that respects the intelligence of its audience and doesn’t dumb down its barbs or its satire. Aaron Eckhart was born to play the role of Nick Naylor, tobacco’s master spin artist and public charlatan. Naylor is conniving, slippery, and yet immensely likable not in spite of these traits but because of them. Eckhart is downright charming and you can see how he could dupe a nation, even if he’s only doing it for the challenge. Thank You for Smoking has one of the finest assembled casts in a long time, and every member fires on all cylinders. This is a film brimming with confidence and it’s evident with every frame. You almost might feel guilty for wanting to capture a contact buzz from how polished, assured and witty the flick is. Director/adaptor Jason Reitman, the son, keeps the movie brisk, packed with characters, subplots, jokes, and a visual whimsy. This is a terrific adaptation of a terrific book, and Reitman really hones in on the mechanics of debate and lobbyist practices with aplomb. 3) The Departed What a blistering return to form for the greatest living American director. This is a movie that crams multiple characters, storylines, and histories into one tight, focused setting, but then the flick glides smoothly on electric storytelling and intense performances. The movie’s twists and turns are, at times, of a knockout variety, and there’s a stretch of late surprises that each feels like a shot to the gut. Director Martin Scorsese and screenwriter William Monahan (Kingdom of Heaven) have extrapolated the story from a 2002 Hong Kong action movie and turned it into a bruising, authentic, deeply American tale of the cost of indentity and morality. This is a complex, gritty, amazing crime thriller stuffed to the gills with entertainment. Making the bloody body count resonate are the incredibly intense performances, particularly Matt Damon and Leonardo DiCaprio. This is a gripping gangster thriller pumping with the blood of a sterling character piece. The unexpected twists and turns will shake you, and the movie goes well beyond a snappy premise. The Departed is a moviegoing experience that will thrill you, stir you, sadden you, exhilarate you, and firmly plant itself in your memory banks. Welcome back Marty. 2) Brick Brick is a film that refuses to simply be an afternoon afterthought. This is a movie that demands you sit on edge, poised to decode its complicated detective jargon and twisty storyline. It takes a while to first get into the movie because of its stylized dialogue and how straight everyone plays it. Johnson has recycled the same hard-boiled talk you’d expect coming from the mouths of Humphrey Bogart and Lauren Bacall. he movie succeeds because of how committed everyone is. The gimmick seems doomed to fail but the movie has creativity in spades. Of course it’s all highly unrealistic but it all works splendidly within the world it creates. Because the filmmakers play it all straight, you never look at the movie from an outside perspective. You’ll never laugh at it unless you’re giggling about how much fun it is. Brick is an exciting, disarming, demanding, vibrantly different movie that is stone cold cool. This is not the easiest movie to get into, but once you open up to its freshly retro wavelength then Brick is one greatly rewarding movie. Johnson has built a movie around a gimmick but it all holds together so well thanks to his total commitment. The dialogue is heavy in noir slang and the story is crammed with twists and surprises. I loved this movie from the first frame to the last. Johnson has found a refreshingly original movie by going back in time. [center]  [/center]1) United 93 No movie shook me, moved me, horrified me, and drained me like Paul Greengrass’ brilliant recreation of one of America’s darkest days. United 93 is one of the most nerve-racking movie going experiences I have ever seen. Because of our prior knowledge of the events, every little thing carries so much dread, from a man who just makes the plane to simple phone calls, unknowingly their last, that end so regularly in "I love you." Hitchcock said tension was watching a happy couple unaware of a ticking bomb below their picnic table, and he was right. United 93 is grueling to sit through, but that doesn’t mean the film isn’t rewarding. Witnessing the unfolding events of United 93, a spellbinding example of you-are-there cinema verite, you really feel like you’re watching a living documentary. There’s nothing sensational or overly political that happens within United 93. Greengrass even has the temerity to present the hijackers as human beings, granted human beings capable of ferocious acts of horror. Greengrass is in fine form, recreating the same sense of building desperation and terror that he so elegantly assembled in 2002’s Bloody Sunday. The antic handheld camerawork may give people some headaches, but no filmmaker does a better job of putting you in the moment than Greengrass. Greengrass excels in this arena of storytelling and he’s worked his docu-drama magic once more, painstakingly allowing the viewer feel like they are a participant, to the point where we even get a rush of hope that maybe the passengers could take back their plane and save themselves. The question of whether it’s too soon for a major 9/11 movie has to be decided on an individual level. I don’t recall anyone griping about the thousands of documentaries and the A&E Flight 93 TV movie, all of which, yes, made money off 9/11 too. This is a powerful story told without a hint of melodrama. Lost amongst the cries of “too soon” is the fact that this movie can work as an emotional catharsis for people and actually help heal this war-weary nation. What more could you ask from a movie? Honorable mention: The Queen, Half Nelson, Apocalypto, Jesus Camp, Mission: Impossible III [center]WORST FILMS OF 2006[/center] 10) Death of a President This fictional doc made headlines when people learned that it used computer cut-and-paste technology to show the assassination of current president George W. Bush. Some cried outrage, some leaped at the chance to pay ten bucks and vicariously watch an unpopular president die before their eyes, but most will just scratch their heads. Questionable ethics aside, the movie is a whodunit built around a fortuitous gimmick, but once the title death takes place the movie utterly collapses. The ensuing hour turns into an investigation into who had their finger on the trigger. Death of a President has a baffling lack of political insight. The investigation is deep in procedural gobbledy gook and the film feels impersonal. I mean, a sitting president has been assassinated in the age of cable TV, global economy, and the war on terror, and all the film can muster is trying to piece together the minutia of how to prosecute a case? I’m sorry, presidential assassination ranks a bit above your standard Law & Order output. You may be surprised how much sympathy you actually feel for Bush. Death of a President isn’t a terrible movie, but it’s way too simplistic, ham-fisted, myopic, and freakin’ dull. The controversy attached to this tiny movie may mislead you into thinking it’s something worth seeing. It’s not. 9) Lady in the Water What in the hell was M. Night Shyamalan thinking? His inane bedtime story could have used some of his well-known twists, but the only twist was that he was entirely serious about this ridiculous fable. Just like a bedtime story, this feels entirely made up on the spot. Lady in Water feels like Shyamalan is haphazardly throwing spontaneous obstacles and rules into his story, hoping something sticks when it just muddies up the story. The writing is stuffy and pompous, championing Shyamalan as a misunderstood genius that will save the planet. Shyamalan seems to fray with every new movie, and Lady in Water is by far the man’s most ridiculous and self-involved flick. He’s too great of a talent to write off, even during his misfires, but we can’t be expected to iron out his narrative kinks every time. Shyamalan is too gifted a filmmaker to make outright bad movies. However, he is prone to making very misguided choices, and the very conception of this movie was one large example. 8) Firewall Firewall is an inconsistent, stupid, cookie-cutter Hollywood thriller where Harrison Ford is roped into helping bad guys because his family is threatened. The whole hostage situation is laughable. The thugs turn a hostage situation into a bed and breakfast; implausibly letting the family roam around the house, watch TV, do whatever really. The bad guy (Paul Bettany) even makes pancakes for Ford’s kids, that bastard. This is the worst hostage siege ever. Firewall should have played more like a cat and mouse game, with Ford and the bad guys battling for supremacy. Instead, Firewall feels emblematic of every other stupidly plotted thriller Hollywood feels it can feed to a mass audience because it slaps a star in it. This is shamefully mediocre, stupid, and, above all else, rather boring. Firewall is your typical disposable Hollywood thriller-of-the-week, just with more tech jargon that Ford looks pained to even speak. If you replaced Ford and Bettany with, say Mark-Paul Gosselaar and Corbin Bernsen, you’d have a movie fit to air late night on TV when the only people awake would be insomniacs. Finally, then, Firewall would have found its rightful audience. 7) The Da Vinci Code I’d expect these kinds of half-hearted character turns from a rote made-for-TV thriller, but The Da Vinci Code has too much intended intellectual prestige to wallow in this manner. This isn’t structured like a thriller, let alone a movie. There’s no sense of momentum and the story is really an ongoing series of mini-climaxes, sputtering out to no payoff. Puzzle-solving and word games can work on the page, with the reader feeling like they’re right along, but onscreen it cannot work in a story of images. But that’s the fundamental error of The Da Vinci Code: it wants to have it both ways. The film, and I’d judge that the novel as well, wants you to shut your brain off and swallow these trite lapses in judgment and reality, forgiving the movie for zero character development and polluting the narrative with stupid genre stock roles, but then it also wants you to pay close attention and activate your brain to untangle the origins of symbols, conspiracies, and church doctrine. This flick was destined to fail at birth, people. You can’t be a brainy thriller and fill the story with hokey moments and lapses in thought, and likewise you can’t be an enjoyably straightforward thriller if you bookend all your action sequences with talky sit-downs to explain the minutia of your story. The Da Vinci Code is thusly pulled in two directions and grinds its gears to the very end. So let me get this straight. After seeing The Da Vinci Code, the biggest threat the Christian church is facing is ... bad movies? I think they’ll be all right. 6) Silent Hill Sure this movie has plenty of nice visuals and some creepy atmosphere, but that does not make up for its big black hole of suck. Silent Hill is simply dreadful and designed too faithfully as a video game adaptation, which means the same gaps in logic and pacing are present. I certainly expected better from Roger Avary. It’s plodding and over two hours, but then it just collapses toward the end, crashes, burns, and smolders. The dialogue is howl-inducing. I told my friend Dan that I was embarrassed we’d forever know we saw Silent Hill on its opening night, so much so that I bought him food after the show to make up for dragging him along. This is the first movie I’ve ever attended where I heard booing afterwards from my audience. I would have joined them, but I was too busy getting the hell out of the theater as soon as the end credits rolled. There will never be a good movie based on a video game. Deal with it. 5) Freedomland Movie mogul Joe Roth, the head of Revolutions Studios, doesn’t direct movies fairly often and when he does they’re fairly awful (America’s Sweethearts, Christmas with the Kranks). This is a movie so mishandled by Roth that every moment feels false, and when it doesn’t feel false it feels trite and awkward. Freedomland seems so message-hungry and preoccupied with making some Big Statement that it forgets to be entertaining. Roth is clueless how to juggle all his plot elements, letting the racial tensions turn both sides into offensive stereotypes. Freedomland is so earnest to be earnest that it misses the mark when it comes to all the details. Julianne Moore is just flat-out embarrassing as she bounces off the walls as a loony mom. When the movie is entertaining, it’s mainly because of the wild overacting and the nonsensical human behavior. At its worst, Freedomland is offensive to cops and blacks and moviegoers in general with working grey matter, at its best Freedomland is a muddled, incompetently directed movie that drifts unchallenged toward its expected and welcomed end. Roth should leave directing to people that have a better feel for taking control of actors, material, and editing. For those that said the racially-charged Crash lacked tact, I invite them to take a trip to Freedomland. 4) Bloodrayne I would actually hope reviled director Uwe Boll would take some solace knowing his abysmal vampire movie only ranked as the fourth worst film of the year. His previous stinker, Alone in the Dark, was my choice for worst film of 2005. Bloodrayne is the best of Boll’s troika of video-game adaptations, but even that statement is without praise. This lame sword-and-sorcery tale is merely bad, instead of absurdly bad like most of Boll’s oeuvre. The difference is one tiny adverb, folks. The film is limited in scope but still careless and absent-minded with its details. The action sequences are heavy on blood and short on orientation, edited within an inch of their life. Bloodrayne is full of Boll’s typical lapses in plot and characters, and there’s plenty of stupid to go around for everybody. The plot is made up of nonsensical guest shots by slumming actors, and the villain himself seems as menacing as someone’s toilet-bound grandpa. In the world of film it’s tricky to judge films on a scale of badness, because that scale is surprisingly varied. Bloodrayne is clearly bad, but it’s also more entertaining than his previous films. Maybe Boll is learning after all, though at this rate of progression he’ll reach “mildly tolerable” by the time the sun explodes. 3) Date Movie This film was just another nail in the coffin of spoof comedy. Date Movie was supposed to be a spoof on romantic comedies, but what it ended up becoming was a spoof on anything. The film confused referencing with parodying, and they are world’s apart. Just because, for a split-second, someone dressed like Ben Stiller throws a dodge ball does not mean it is a parody. This painfully unfunny comedy went from setup to setup, blindly trying to grasp for a joke and falling back on scatological humor. Most of the film references mean nothing and don’t even parlay into jokes, the joke itself is simply the reference, like the appearance of Napoleon Dynamite and King Kong. There was not a single point in this entire movie where I laughed out loud, a death sentence for a comedy. This movie makes Scary Movie and its geysers of semen look like Shakespeare. 2) An American Haunting If you ever see the name Courtney Solomon attached to a movie, treat it like the plague; wear gloves if you must handle it and scrub your hands thoroughly afterwards. Solomon wrote and directed 2000’s Dungeons and Dragons, which is one of the most startlingly inept movies of all time, something you wish Mystery Science Theater 3000 was still on the air for. Now, six years later, is Solomon’s sophomore effort which bills itself as a ghost story based on a true murder credited to an otherwordly force (I guess we’re ignoring all those great doctors saying disease is caused by God’s wrath). Except the movie isn’t anything it’s billed to be. The movie doesn’t have the foggiest idea how to scare people with its high school theatrics. It’s not a ghost story, unless you swallow whole the film’s flimsy recanting of what a ghost is, it doesn’t feature a murder by haunting, and it isn’t even true, unless you can additionally swallow ye olde folksy, biased medical accounts. I’m sorry, but I don’t buy this. This movie isn’t so bad that it’s funny; it’s just terrible and boring. People as a whole should steer clear from this lamebrain, dull, amateurish fright flick. The only screams you’ll hear during An American Haunting are unintentional laughter. [center]  [/center]1) Grandma’s Boy I was really holding out this spot for Little Man, which looks like a cinematic abortion, but since I reluctantly never got a chance to see it, this spot is reserved for the abomination that is the arrested development comedy, Grandma’s Boy. It’s a film vehicle for an Adam Sandler crony, Allen Covert, who is forced to move in with his grandmother. What dooms this movie is that it is incredibly lazy, like it took far too many bong hits. It’s pathetic when a gross-out sex comedy can’t even get gratuitous nudity right. That just left my jaw on the floor that the movie even messed up gratuitous nudity. Dear Lord, do you know how easy that is to achieve? It takes an exceptional talent to screw that up. This movie is awash in unfunny characters, tired lewd jokes, and a laughable romantic subplot best described as giving false hope to a generation of people whose only interaction with women consists of Xbox games. This is a film that thinks it’s still funny to make Matrix jokes, you know, because that movie only came out 7 years ago. So timely. Grandma’s Boy doesn’t even introduce conflict for well over an hour; the whole thing just feels like a drunken party that you can’t wait to leave. There's strong potential for a grand gross-out comedy involving horny old women, but this isn't it. You mostly just feel sorry for the actors. This is a movie that doesn’t work on any level, except to keep Sandler’s buddies busy so they won’t crash on his couch. [center]VARIOUS AWARDS AND HONORS FOR THE YEAR 2006[/center] Best titles: The OH in Ohio, Snakes on a Plane, Idiocracy, Little Miss Sunshine, Borat: Cultural Learnings of America For Make Benefit Glorious Nation of Kazakhstan Worst titles: Looking for Comedy in the Muslim World, Tristan and Isolde, Phat Girlz, Goal! The Dream Begins Movie titles that could be confused with porn: Inside Man, Failure to Launch, Eight Below, Little Man, Stick It, Crank, and You, Me, and Dupree. Most Unlikely Movie Star: Al Gore. Losing the 2000 presidency seems to have really agreed with him. The former VP emerged as an environmental rock star with his hit documentary, An Inconvenient Truth. The movie was like a concert film of Gore’s slick slideshow on the horrors that potentially await us thanks to global warming. It was free of politics and highly persuasive but was also great entertainment. Gone was the stiff, robotic Gore and replaced with a charming, relaxed doppelganger. You know a movie has succeeded when they start rumors its star would be a worthy 2008 presidential candidate. Is it too much to ask for Mark Zupan (Murderball) being added to the ticket? [center]  [/center]Third Time Not Always the Charm: X-Men 3, Saw III, Final Destination 3, The Fast and the Furious: Tokyo Drift Best 10 Minutes of 2006: the unblinking tracking camera in Children of Men. Runners-up: the bridge assault, Mission: Impossible III; the foot race through the construction site, Casino Royale; retaking the plane, United 93. Lord of the Rings Award for Most in Need of an Editor: Hollywood summer movies. You used to rely on the summer months as a time for breezy, high-octane entertainment. What happened, Hollywood? The movies from this summer were bloated. The Da Vinci Code (140 minutes), Superman Returns (160 minutes), and Pirates of the Caribbean: Dead Man’s Chest (150 minutes) weren’t thrill rides as much as they were endurance tests. Usually you’d expect the running time to go overboard with award-groomed fair (DeNiro’s The Good Shepard was 3 hours of people sitting silently like a family reunion), not summer movies. It seems like nowadays, even during the summer, you won’t be able to just slip in a movie but you’ll have to plan your day around one. Best Onscreen Death: Hostel’s vengeance. The final act to this survival thriller will make you pump your fist for some grand vengeance. No other movie made me say this year, “Run them the fuck over.” Well, I think I thought it while watching An American Haunting, but that was only wishful thinking and it was never verbalized. Runner’s-up: Morgan Freeman + Ben Kinglsey + a plastic bag, Lucky Number Slevin; a skin rippin’ good time for Pyramid Head, Silent Hill; the whack-a-mole finale to The Departed. Sometimes a Cigar is Just a Cigar Award: Snakes on a Plane [center]  [/center]Best Villain: Collin Sullivan in The Departed. Jack Nicholson was wacky and demented, sure, but he wasn’t nearly as terrifying as Matt Damon’s portrayal as a cop/mole for the mob. Sullivan gladly sold his soul for a taste of the good life, and he will do whatever it takes to keep it that way. This calculating weasel is even scarier when you realize he doesn’t view himself as a villain but simply any other guy doing what he needs to get by, no matter how many throats get slit. Runner’s-up: Phillip Seymour Hoffman in Mission: Impossible III; Sacha Baron Cohen in Talladega Nights; and cultural misunderstanding in Babel. Weirdest Moment of 2006: the cow in Barnyard: The Original Party Animals. I’ve seen many disturbing things in my life, but nothing as potentially damaging as what I saw in this Nickelodeon animated movie. In case you didn’t realize, there was like 6,854 animated films released last year. The main character of Barnyard was a wisecracking male cow, otherwise known as a bull. However, this was a boy cow with udders, which, in case you didn’t know, are for girls. Either the main character is a hermaphroditic cow or Nickelodeon is twisting all laws or nature. I hate to think that this movie may be responsible for little children everywhere walking up to boy cows, tugging their “udder,” and wondering when the milk arrives. Runner’s-up: freaking every second of Silent Hill; “Snakes on crack!” Snakes on a Plane; “special guest star” Billy Zane in Bloodrayne. Thora Birch Award for Hottest Actress of 2006: Eva Green, Casino Royale. Honestly, it was a hard year to come up with many candidates for this award this year, but Green was lithe and strong and plenty sexy in a way Bond girls rarely are. [center]  [/center]Most Gratuitous Moment of 2006: Bloodrayne’s sex scene. Rayne is plagued by nightmares of her vampiric urges. One night she has a vivid nightmare where she relives slaughtering her circus. She’s startled awake. What’s her first instinct? She grabs Sebastian (Matthew Davis), pins him against her cell bars, and proceeds to ride him like she has the upper body of a weight lifter. Maybe this is the lone benefit of being a vampire: a wider selection of sexual positions. The sex is sloppy and unerotic in its ludicrousness. Director Uwe Boll also manages to make sure his camera gets every loving detail of Loken’s nipples being lapped at. Boll figures that this gratuitous sex scene (it really couldn’t get any more gratuitous if they were skydiving) is meant to bond the characters into a romantic relationship. This forced romance is, like many elements in Bloodrayne, also inept. It stretches believability when this moment is all we have to go on why Rayne and Sebastian feel for one another. When they part Sebastian is crestfallen, though I think it’s more because he just lost the only girl he’ll ever meet that can perform gymnastic sex. Talk about a perfect score on the parallel bars. Stretching Their Wings: Larry the Cable Guy, for playing both a cable guy and a health inspector in Larry the Cable Guy: Health Inspector. Look out, DeNiro. Fire the Casting Director Award: (tie) Sean Penn in All the King’s Men and Kate Bosworth in Superman Returns. There was no reason for a remake of the 1949 Best Picture-winning All the King’s Men to exist in the first place, but having Penn play the blustery corrupt Southern politician didn’t help. Penn didn’t just chew the scenery, he freaking inhaled it with hurricane velocity. You could feel the actors around him cringing and trying to get as far away as possible from Penn’s apoplectic Foghorn Leghorn. It’s hard to believe at one point that this leaden remake was considered a front runner for Best Picture. As for Bosworth, she was way too young and way too bland for a role that needs personality. She didn’t seem like Lois Lane, she felt like Lois Lane’s younger sister on semester break from college. If she was the mother to Superman’s kid then it sure seems like the Man of Steel may have violated some state laws on statutory rape. Sure She’s a Lock for an Oscar But…: Helen Mirren in Shadowboxer. Mirren is the biggest lock for an acting award in forever. Bookies won’t even take bets on the race. In an effort to keep the gifted Miss Mirren humble, I must now paraphrase the plot synopsis for the 2006 film Shadowboxer: “When Rose (Mirren), a female assassin, is diagnosed with terminal cancer; she decides to carry out one final killing, assisted by lover and also stepson, Mickey (Cuba Gooding Jr.).” Remember that when she walks up to accept her 392nd acting award for the season. [center]  [/center]Greatest Acting by an Ass: Jordana Brewster in The Texas Chainsaw Massacre: The Beginning. You can’t hope for much when it comes to slasher cinema, let alone a prequel to a terrible remake. The only moment of interest in this ode to Leatherface’s upbringing was how in the hell Jordana Brewster’s pants stay on. For the entire movie she wears a pair of low rise jeans (which of course were all the rage in the 1960s, right?) that magically defy every law of physics and gravity to stay attached, despite the fact that Brewster’s butt crack would put plumbers to shame. It’s pretty bad when an actress is upstaged by her ass, but it’s another thing when the ass gets more screen time than most of the other actors. I can’t wait to see Brewster’s ass try other roles. Best Movie I Saw in 2006 (That Wasn’t Released in 2006): Match Point Best Time I Had in a Theater in 2006: It’s odd, but the best theatrical experience I had was within the first few days of the 2006 calendar. I had a total blast watching Eli Roth’s twisted Hostel with a packed audience that squealed and grimaced at all the right parts. Even better was when applause and cheers broke out toward the end as bloody justice was served. My friend Sara has family from that area, Bratislava, and she is in no hurry to visit after a trip to Hostel. Special consideration: Had I seen Borat in a movie theater it would likely have been victorious in this category. That’s generally the rule, comedies and horror films are more fun when made into a communal experience. Proof Indiana Jones May Want to Hang Up the Whip: Firewall. It’s a sad realization that the man who was Han Solo, Indiana Jones, Jack Ryan, the president, and one hell of an Amish cop has become, well, old. Firewall was an awful, cookie-cutter action movie with Ford in visible pain whenever he had to spit out techno jargon. What was even more visibly painful was that the film had to work extra hard to even involve Ford in action scenes. The man is 64-years old, and even after he did get physical in Firewall it seemed to be followed by a moment with Ford falling down. It was a sad trend for one of the most suave and masculine figures in modern movies to be turned into the “I’ve Fallen and I Can’t Get Up” lady (God rest her soul). The only way an Indiana Jones 4 would work is if Indy body swaps with The Rock. And finally... Non-nominated Movies I Enjoyed More than Best Picture Nominees Babel and Little Miss Sunshine: United 93, V for Vendetta, Brick, Apocalypto, Little Children, The Illusionist, Pan’s Labyrinth, Superman Returns, Stranger than Fiction, The Notorious Bettie Page, Night at the Museum, Casino Royale, Clerks 2, Children of Men, Rocky Balboa, An Inconvenient Truth, Talladega Nights, Jesus Camp, Flags of our Fathers, Thank You for Smoking, Cars, Who Killed the Electric Car?, The Lake House, The Break-Up, Lucky # Slevin, Over the Hedge, The Devil Wears Prada, Inside Man, Akeelah and the Bee, Mission: Impossible III, Half Nelson, Hard Candy, Shortbus, This Film is Not Yet Rated, Pirates of the Caribbean: Dead Man’s Chest, Borat, Running Scared, Hostel, and The Guardian. In theory, I would be happier with any of these winning over Babel and Little Miss Sunshine. Take that, Academy. |
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Hands down. You have the best end of the year wrap-up, boxman. These are some entertaining categories. You rock! 1 Reply | 
Thank you kindly. It's a tradition I've tried to keep going since 2001 or so. It took me a bit of time to piece it together, so nice to hear it was time well spent. 0 Replies |
I had sworn I that I had given you the due accolades for this awesome entry Nate. This is one hell of a write-up that puts most of our year end entries to shame. I love that you found room for "V For Vendetta" and "Casino Royale" on your list, and you also deserve praise for finding a spot for "Thank you For Smoking" which has been forgotten by most, but I thought it was an excellent film. And of course, great choice at #1. Truly an unforgettable work of art. 0 Replies | |
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arkRed">THE WORLD’S MOST BELATED 2005 YEAR-END WRAP-UP
Best Film of 2005: Murderball Runners up: 2) Kiss Kiss Bang Bang, 3) Millions, 4) Brokeback Mountain, 5) Crash, 6) Batman Begins, 7) The 40-Year-Old Virgin, 8) Speak, 9) Enron: The Smartest Guys in the Room, 10) Match Point Worst Film of 2005: Alone in the Dark Runners up: 2) A Sound of Thunder, 3) Primer, 4) The Fog, 5) The Longest Yard, 6) Elektra, 7) Be Cool, 8) Flightplan, 9) Wolf Creek, 10) The New World Titles that could be confused with porn: Grizzly Man, Happy Endings, The World’s Fastest Indian The Best 10 Minutes of 2005: King Kong vs. T-Rex vs. T-Rex vs. T-Rex, King Kong. Runner’s-up: Assassination foreplay that literally brings down the house, Mr. and Mrs. Smith; Best Film I Saw in 2005 (that wasn’t released in 2005): Howl’s Moving Castle Best Time I Had in a Theater: Mr. and Mrs. Smith, which, and I do not say this lightly, has the greatest ending line in a film since 1959’s Some Like it Hot. Thora Birch Award for Hottest Actress: Angelina Jolie, Mr. and Mrs. Smith. This one should be obvious. The world was set aflame in the wake of the new entity “Brangelina” and this movie was proof that the universe will find a way to ensure the most genetically gifted specimens of the human race will couple and procreate. Their chemistry could set the screen on fire, and Jolie herself is like walking sex. Most Romantic Moment of 2005: Me, and You, and Everyone We Know’s foot dance. Miranda July’s romantic ode to oddball and human connection is an acquired taste. Some will find it ridiculous and pompous, but I settled in on July’s weird wavelength and found the movie to, in parts since it is somewhat episodic, to be rapturous. This film just missed out on my top ten list. The most moving moment for me may have been the most simple. July videotapes her feet enacting a courtship dance; one show is labeled “Me” and another shoe is labeled “You.” It’s simple and yet entirely moving from a realistic human scale. Thanks for the Ad, How About a Movie Award: Be Cool never should have existed in the first place. It’s a lousy sequel that has none of the swagger or behind-the-scenes satire that made 1995’s Get Shorty so enjoyable. Ten years later, this miscalculated movie was supposed to be an expose on the music industry, but instead it just felt like another batch of payola. The movie is one long commercial for recording artist/aspiring actress Christina Millian. The movie bends over backwards to cram in opportunities to get her to perform, and after five full singing performances my brain shut off from the not-so-hidden message, “Buy Christina Millian’s CD.” Best Onscreen Death: Russian roulette gone wrong, Kiss Kiss Bang Bang; Runners-up: Marv’s exit, Sin City; Elijah Wood hacked to pieces, Sin City; the Yellow Bastard pummeled to a yellow stain, Sin City (this was a good movie for death, if you hadn’t noticed) Best Villain: Cillian Murphy in Red Eye; Runners-up: Yellow Bastard, Sin City; the oil industry, Syriana Most Confusing Moment of 2006: trying to decipher the sex scene in The Jacket. When Adrien Brody and Keira Knightley make love it’s almost like watching Brody fondle a mirror. With Knightley’s short mess of black hair and really tiny breasts (I don’t mean to be cruel, but we may be in AAA territory), when she’s rolling around passionately with Brody, himself looking emaciated as usual, it’s hard to tell who’s who. It’s confusing for fans of female nudity and might make you reevaluate your sexuality. The Watching Pain Dry Award: Broken Flowers. This movie was so sparsely plotted that it was mostly spent watching characters look at walls. I like Bill Murray and his career renaissance as a sad lonely man, but this was just painful. The music was on a repetitive loop that made you feel like you were trapped in an elevator. Watching 90 minutes of Murray stare blankly is not a movie – it could be wallpaper. This movie was the perfect film to put on, leave the room, and do other things to. Runner-up: every excruciating minute of nature in Terrence Mallick’s The New World. Most Preposterous Plot Turn in 2006: Flightplan’s money scheme. This was, without a doubt, the most contrived, convoluted, and just plain complicated scheme to ever fleece out money in the history of the world. What follows is a point-by-point analysis that is littered with spoilers. You’ve been warned. The air marshal and the stewardess are the culprits behind the missing tyke. They want to squeeze 50 million dollars from the airline. This is the best way they propose to do so: First, they locate an airline engineer living abroad and kill her husband and make it look like suicide. Then they pay off the mortician so they can stash explosives in her husband’s security sealed coffin. Then apparently they know when Kyle will want to fly again and it also happens to be a flight that the marshal and the stewardess will be scheduled aboard. Now, once the plane is in flight, the marshal somehow manages to steal the little girl, awakening no one, takes Kyle’s boarding pass and doesn’t awaken her, and stows the little girl away without being seen. They then let Kyle go nuts looking for her missing tyke so they can, get this, have a credible hijacker that they can accuse of plotting to blow up the plane unless ... she gets 50 million wired into an account. Afterwards, the marshal will somehow get the Feds to kill Kyle and he’ll slip the detonator in her cold dead hand. Oh, and the stewardess changes the flight manifest twice too. What. The. Hell. Does this sound like the easiest way to make money? This plan also involves Kyle wiggling her way into the cargo hold and manually opening her hubby’s casket with the security code so that the marshal can get a hold of the hidden explosives. This entire tortuous plan revolves around a primary assumption that NO ONE will remember or interact with Kyle’s daughter the entire time. This assumes not a single person will remember little Julia, even though mother and daughter boarded first onto an empty plane. What would happen if Julia hit the call button for a pillow? Oops. What would happen if anyone next to them just said, “Hi”? Oops. What would happen if people on the plane contacted anyone at the airport? Oops. The entire conspiracy rests on 400 people’s bad memories. Those do not seem like good odds to me, but then again I’m not a movie villain. Why did We Remake This Award: The Fog. The 1981 original wasn’t that good to begin with. Let me make this perfectly clear – FOG IS NOT SCARY. When the film goes into Fog POV then things get even sillier as we drift inward. Look out sexually promiscuous teens, because the moisture in the air is out to punish you. Docs Rock: Documentary films have been increasing in stature amongst a more mainstream movie-going public. America fell in love with the adorable penguins in March of the Penguins, so much so you can probably expect penguin-themed family films for the next decade, though they might not all have Morgan Freeman involved in a God-like capacity. I enjoy the worlds documentaries can expose us to and ranked two amongst my top ten this year. This was an exciting and politics-free year for documentaries, a field normally dominated by agitprop. Murderball, Enron: The Smartest Guys in the Room, Grizzly Man were amongst the best films of the year. |
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arkRed">Picture Show Pundits Episode 31a
Two part episode. Part a is action films, with Crank and The Protector. Part b is a magical lineup with The Illusionist and The Covenant. And why stop there? We have Episode 32 and 33 coming up quick. So catch up on what's hot and what's not! Also, these shows herald the return of NATE! Cast: Sarah "Reel Monkey" Bonilla, Ray "Macabre Stalker" Bonilla, and Nate "Boxman" Zoebl Topics: • Movie Review: Crank o Is it really a human 'Speed'? o Public sex can indeed save lives; try that one on your girlfriend! o Jason Statham has set himself apart in Anglo action. Kicking people in the face helps. • Movie Review: The Protector o It was a simple, fun, cheesy Asian action film! o Isn't an elephant the real enemy? o Similar to Tony Jaa's last flick, 'Ong-Bak', but just not as good. o You mess with a man's elephants, you get the horns! o Awesome action, little else. o Did we mention stolen elephants? [url=http://www.reelmonkey.com/pundits/pspepisode31a.htm]http://www.reelmonkey.com/pundits/pspepisode31a.htm Picture Show Pundits Episode 31b Two part episode. Part a is action films, with Crank and The Protector. Part b is a magical lineup with The Illusionist and The Covenant. And why stop there? We have Episode 32 and 33 coming up quick. So catch up on what's hot and what's not! Also, these shows herald the return of NATE! Cast: Sarah "Reel Monkey" Bonilla, Ray "Macabre Stalker" Bonilla, and Nate "Boxman" Zoebl Topics: • Movie Review: The Illusionist o Perfect setting for a period-piece con game. o Paul Giamatti puts a spell on us. o Can a potentially damaging plot hole be found in a haystack? • Movie Review: The Covenant o It's like 'The Craft'. But with men. How could this fail? o If you are a twelve-year-old boy and have questionable taste, this one might be for you. o Renny Harlin needs to eat too. o You mess with a man's elephants, you get the horns! o Can you really take any movie seriously that has the line, "I'm gonna make you my WEEE-OTCH"? [url=http://www.reelmonkey.com/pundits/pspepisode31b.htm]http://www.reelmonkey.com/pundits/pspepisode31b.htm Picture Show Pundits Episode 32a So what crazy themes did we come up with this time? Well, let's see. . . Part a is The Black Dahlia and Hollywoodland and Part b is Little Miss Sunshine and The Last Kiss. So I suppose Part a is dealing with Hollywood History from a Detective's Point-of-View and the second is just hilarious... Part b is the I-S-S show. I'll let you ponder that. Cast: Sarah "Reel Monkey" Bonilla, Ray "Macabre Stalker" Bonilla, and Nate "Boxman" Zoebl Topics: • Movie Review: Hollywoodland o For all its critical praise, is it really worth seeing? o Allen Coulter needs to learn to take a stand, instead of just confusing the audience. o So was he depressed because he was old? Was he murdered? Someone, please, give us an answer to this 47-year-old dillemma! • Movie Review: The Black Dahlia o Brian DePalma showcases his directorial talents. . .despite critical rejection, this film might just be worth an Oscar nod! o This film is opulent, indulgent, and excessive, but not to a fault. o That scar on Scarlett Johansson's back isn't from her violent boyfriend. . .no, it's from carrying Woody Allen through two films! o You don't think "Hilary Swank in Drag!" She actually does a good job! [url=http://www.reelmonkey.com/pundits/pspepisode32a.htm]http://www.reelmonkey.com/pundits/pspepisode32a.htm Picture Show Pundits Episode 32b So what crazy themes did we come up with this time? Well, let's see. . . Part a is The Black Dahlia and Hollywoodland and Part b is Little Miss Sunshine and The Last Kiss. So I suppose Part a is dealing with Hollywood History from a Detective's Point-of-View and the second is just hilarious... Part b is the I-S-S show. I'll let you ponder that. Cast: Sarah "Reel Monkey" Bonilla, Ray "Macabre Stalker" Bonilla, and Nate "Boxman" Zoebl Topics: • Movie Review: Little Miss Sunshine o The little indie that could? o Nate feels there should have been more … everything. o Steve Carell will always be our favorite Proust scholar. o Enjoyable if a bit overhyped. • Movie Review: The Last Kiss o Well, it sure ain't no Garden State. o These guys are just a bunch of whiny dolts. o Who gets the most blame? Writer Paul Haggis? Director Tony Goldwyn? The Italians who started this whole thing? o Have we really entered an age where a movie's chief selling point is that Zach Braff picked out the songs? o Good date movie if you want your date to just sit there pissed off. [url=http://www.reelmonkey.com/pundits/pspepisode32b.htm]http://www.reelmonkey.com/pundits/pspepisode32b.htm Picture Show Pundits Episode 33a This show has two of the best films of the year and quite possible two of the worst. Which are which is for us to know and you to find out! Cast: Sarah "Reel Monkey" Bonilla, Ray "Macabre Stalker" Bonilla, and Nate "Boxman" Zoebl Topics: • Movie Review: The Departed o Scorsese reworks a good Hong King film into an American masterpiece. o Leonardo DiCaprio: Do his looks betray his age? o It's good to have Jack back, baby. o One of the best and most entertaining films of the year. • Movie Review: The Prestige o Dueling magicians better than dueling banjos. Just ask Ned Beaty. o Batman vs. Wolverine? Now with added Johansson eye-candy. o Director Christopher Nolan scores again! o The pay-off might not be as well route as Memento, but the film is superb nonetheless. [url=http://www.reelmonkey.com/pundits/pspepisode33a.htm]http://www.reelmonkey.com/pundits/pspepisode33a.htm Picture Show Pundits Episode 33b This show has two of the best films of the year and quite possible two of the worst. Which are which is for us to know and you to find out! Cast: Sarah "Reel Monkey" Bonilla, Ray "Macabre Stalker" Bonilla, and Nate "Boxman" Zoebl Topics: • Movie Review: The Science of Sleep o Eternal Sunshine 2? I think we'll erase this one from our memory. o Who needs the other more? Michel Gondry or Charlie Kaufman? o Sarah feels Gael Garcia Bernal is quite possibly the least engaging actor alive . . . or at least on the popular Art House front right now. • Movie Review: All the King's Men o "Hey, I got an idea. Let's remake a movie that already won Best Picture. Surely we can make it better, right guys? guys? Where are you going?" o BOOOOOOOR-ing. o Sean Penn chews so much scenery that other actors are afraid to get near. Very afraid. o Steve Zallian, what were you thinking? I'll answer. You weren't. o Even more funny when you realize this turkey was at one time touted as a Best Picture contender. Maybe on opposite day. [url=http://www.reelmonkey.com/pundits/pspepisode33b.htm]http://www.reelmonkey.com/pundits/pspepisode33b.htm |
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It's the battle of the box office. I'm sure by now you know what the top three were, but when we recorded the show, we had no clue who would rule the BO... that's box office. Anyways! Finally you can enjoy our discussion of the "last" of the X-Men films and the controversial DaVinci Code. So sit back, relax, and try to not have an aneurism.
Cast: Sarah "Reel Monkey" Bonilla, Ray "Macabre Stalker" Bonilla & Nate "Boxman" Zoebl E-Mail: odcast@pictureshowpundits.com">[font=Arial][color=darkred][url="mailto  odcast@pictureshowpundits.com"]podcast@pictureshowpundits.com[/color][/font]Topics: • Movie Review: X-Men: The Last Stand o Did the filmmakers really make it "the last stand" or just a gateway for spin-offs? o "I'm the Juggernaut bitch!" • Movie Review: The DaVinci Code o Truly a film for people and not critics. o Is John really depicted as oh so feminine or could the Catholic League really be trying to cover up the TRUTH? • Movie Review: Over the Hedge o Take your whole family!!! It's not trite garbage! • Shameless Self-Promotion: The Edwin J. Hill Social Club Next Show: The Break-Up, Brick,and Paradise Lost 1 & 2! Duration: 1:17:28 - Published: Monday, June 5, 2006 http://www.reelmonkey.com/pundits/pspepisode26.htm |
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Man alive, I swear. I really hope the movie season heats up, because there is NOTHING out there right now. Not rentals, not theatre movies. Hopefully this weekend will pick things up a bit!
Cast: Sarah "Reel Monkey" Bonilla, Ray "Macabre Stalker" Bonilla & Nate "Boxman" Zoebl E-Mail: odcast@pictureshowpundits.com">[font=Arial][color=darkred][url="mailto odcast@pictureshowpundits.com"]podcast@pictureshowpundits.com[/color][/font]Topics: • Movie Review: Poseidon o Can this remake really be all it's cracked up to be. . .Wolfgang Peterson or not? • Movie Review: Mission: Impossible III o Can anyone just give these films a break? o What is making it so difficult for audiences and video game films? • Movie Review: An American Haunting o Um. . .? o *****SPOILER ALERT***** (not that it really matters) Next Show: X-Men: The Last Stand, The DaVinci Code,and Over the Hedge! Plus, an exclusive interview with one of the creators of the [font=Arial][color=darkred]Edwin J. Hill Social Club[/color][/font] about their World Premiere. Duration: 1:01:18 - Published: Wednesday, May 24, 2006 [font=Arial][color=darkred]http://www.reelmonkey.com/pundits/pspepisode25.htm[/color][/font] |
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And we're back with a super special surprise at the beginning of the show! It is our 24th Episode, but trust me, you won't find any 24 jokes here, even though we do cover The Sentinel. So sit back, relax, and enjoy 24.
Cast: Sarah "Reel Monkey" Bonilla, Ray "Macabre Stalker" Bonilla & Nate "Boxman" Zoebl E-Mail: odcast@pictureshowpundits.com">[font=Arial][color=darkred][url="mailto odcast@pictureshowpundits.com"]podcast@pictureshowpundits.com[/color][/font]Topics: • Movie Review: United 93 o Is it too soon? What about all the other films in history. . .were they too soon? • Movie Review: Silent Hill o Can anyone just give these films a break? o What is making it so difficult for audiences and video game films? • Movie Review: The Sentinel o Trust us.... it's not a movie version of 24! • Movie Review: Scary Movie 4 o What did we expect? High art?!?!?! • Movie Review: Punk Rock King • Festival Review: [font=Arial][color=darkred]The 24 Hour Ohio Science Fiction Marathon[/color][/font] Next Week: Poseidon, Mission Impossible: III, and An American Haunting. Duration: 1:19:17 - Published: Thursday, May 18, 2006 http://www.reelmonkey.com/pundits/pspepisode24.htm |
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AWWWWEYEAH!! It's time for the smack-down. Well, at least towards the end of the show. This week we have an incredibly awesome movie that you MUST check out and then two mediocre movies, followed by a huge battle between good and ... well... Nate. So tune in to find out who will survive!!
Cast: Sarah "Reel Monkey" Bonilla, Ray "Macabre Stalker" Bonilla & Nate "Boxman" Zoebl E-Mail: odcast@pictureshowpundits.com">[font=Arial][color=darkred]podcast@pictureshowpundits.com[/color][/font] Topics: • Movie Review: Thank You for Smoking o Great ensemble cast. o Funny, witty and incredibly entertaining. o Has the lasting power to make it on to 2006 Top 10s • Movie Review: Inside Man o Could this quite possibly have the worst soundtrack ever? o What is Lee really saying with this film? • Movie Review: Stay o Ewan, we love you, but what is up with the pants? • Movie Review: An Unfinished Life o Will Nate survive till the next show? Next Week: United 93, Silent Hill, The Sentinel, Scary Movie 4, Punk Rock King, and the "Ohio 24 Hour Science Fiction Marathon" with The Boxman. Duration: 1:26:56 - Published: Wednesday, May 3, 2006 http://www.reelmonkey.com/pundits/pspepisode23.htm |
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Sorry for the delay. Ms. Monkey has been incredibly ill (battling with voicelessness), but finally here it is. Let's hope we can get the next one out sooner than this!! ON WITH THE SHOW!
Cast: Sarah "Reel Monkey" Bonilla, Ray "Macabre Stalker" Bonilla & Nate "Boxman" Zoebl E-Mail: odcast@pictureshowpundits.com">[font=Arial][color=darkred]podcast@pictureshowpundits.com[/color][/font] Topics: • Movie Reviews: V for Vendetta o What the Matrix Sequels should have been like. o Imagery up the wazooo! o What is all this terrorism talk? • Movie Reviews: 16 Blocks o Ray and Nate defend the goodness of the film. o Sarah would have preferred to see something else. . . o Mos Def. . . you are no Dave Chapellle. • Movie Reviews: UltraViolet o Seriously... no. • DVD Flashback o Capote - Episode 12 1:03:00 o Derailed - Episode 3 1:30 o Elizabethtown - Episode 1 1:38 o Everything is Illuminated - Episode 3 23:45 o Good Night, and Good Luck - Episode 2 53:10 o Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fire - Episode 4 1:35 o A History of Violence - Episode 1 16:10 o The Ice Harvest - Episode 5 26:25 o Jarhead - Episode 2 1:15 o Pride and Prejudice - Episode 5 38:45 o Rent - Episode 5 2:40 o The Squid and the Whale - Episode 9 13:00 o Walk the Line - Episode 4 26:10 o Zathura - Episode 2 42:40 Next Week: Thank You for Smoking, The Inside Man, Stay Alive, Proof, Dear Wendy, and Howl's Moving Castle. Duration: 56:04 - Published: Friday, March 31, 2006 http://www.reelmonkey.com/pundits/pspepisode21.htm |
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J. Larry Fuzz on 2/15/09 at 9:30 PM
Nice list! Thanks for putting all the work into it and therefore entertaining me. If you start doing Hat Awards every year, I promise to look forward to it each time.
Just so you know, 2 of your 3 "not seen" would be in my top five whenever I get around to doing an even-later-but-lazier list than yours, and I thought Revolutionary Road was pretty good too.
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boxman on 2/16/09 at 1:11 PM
I don't know if I could gather enough contestants for a Hat Award every year. thanks for the appreciation, this thing is a beats to organize and sift through. I've actually added more content, especially at the end, since you commented.
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